Eyes in the dead still water

Knives in the backs of martyrs

Lives in the burning fodder

This is my Unbecoming

Rikio walked through the bustling Sentorayan market, surrounded by the chattering of merchants and customers as the cold winter air bit his neck. As the wind blew, he lifted his scarf against it as he felt the blood rush to his nose. Passing by several shops and restaurants, Rikio noticed that the cold crippled his nose; the winter air devoid of any scent Rikio could detect.

“Bachoo!” the big man shouted as his body instinctively resisted the cold with a mighty sneeze that sent a shiver down his spine. “Fuwah, I hate winter,” Rikio said under his breath as he rubbed his nose furiously and desperately trying to get the mucus out of his beard.

Rikio shook his head as he lifted his scarf over his face, continuing down the road. He needed to stick to his mission; to complete his shopping list before the cold took him away. Yet he missed his fireplace, his torotsu, his warm tea. He secretly wished that food and goods would just miraculously appear on his doorstep so he didn’t have to go outside.

As he approached a butcher’s stall, he took out a bag from his jacket pocket as he hurriedly looked over the cuts on offer as the tall and bearded butcher came forward, defiant against the cold in his short sleeved tunic as he crossed his arms. Rikio couldn’t help but feel envious of the big man that was able to bite back the unrelenting cold. Rikio rubbed his arms together through his jacket as he tried to concentrate on what Subaya wanted him to get. Pork belly and loin for hot pot soups along with lean ground beef for rhousa. He gritted his teeth as he wondered just how he was going to make rhousa without bean sprouts.

Feeling the judging eyes of the butcher, Rikio focused on his task and tried to let the words come out without chattering his teeth together. Bouncing in place, he tried to build up warmth so he could speak clearly.

“Do you have any cured ham on hand?” a man’s growling voice spoke.

Rikio shook his head, realising he said the wrong words. Before Rikio could correct himself, he saw the butcher nod and walk away from the freezing man. “Of course I do; what are you looking for?” the butcher said in a gravelly voice.

Rikio continued shaking his head as he turned towards the butcher and saw that the butcher was speaking to a familiar tall man with black hair wearing a black long coat. Rikio felt a smile come to him as he looked up to the tall man and saw his bright red eyes.

“Cured with sea salt and spiced with pepper, lemon, and sage,” the tall man said in a growling voice. “Three haunches if you could spare it.”

“I don’t have anything with lemon but I have one with sage, thyme, and paprika,” the butcher said as he gestured to large haunches of cured ham hanging from inside his shop.

“Arylos?” Rikio said softly with chattering teeth.

Arylos looked down, gazing into Rikio’s soul with his burning red eyes while cracking a smile. “Well look who also got thrown into the cold,” the Titan said with a widening smirk before turning his attention back to the butcher. “Three of those if you can; I can always add lemon juice to them.”

The butcher smiled and unhooked three haunches from the metal rack and placed them on his table as he wrapped them in paper. All the while, Arylos turned back towards Rikio and leaned against one of the shop pillars. “How the fuck have you been?” he asked with a laugh.

“Freezing my balls off, that’s how,” Rikio said with a scoff.

“Careful there; Subaya might still have use for those,” Arylos said while continuing to laugh.

Rikio let out a sigh of defeat as he tucked his hands back into his pockets. “Please, I gave her one kid; I think that’s enough.”

“How is Aniya doing anyway? She’s five now, right?” Arylos asked while desperately trying to remember how much time had passed since he and Iris came back from Inamura.

“Five and a half, and you best not forget that half or she’ll remind you,” Rikio said with a defeated laugh.

“I can’t tell if she got that from Subaya or Iris,” Arylos laughed while stroking his beard.

“Speaking of, when are you and Iris having a kid? She keeps hogging mine and teaching her bad habits,” Rikio said with a sarcastic tone.

“Don’t get your hopes up; she’s living vicariously through you two,” Arylos replied as he turned around back towards the butcher. “I’m also needing an untrimmed pork belly. And what beef do you have?”

“What beef cuts are you looking for?” the butcher replied as he began.

“Primarily chuck and round; I’ll do the rest of the work myself,” Arylos answered.

The butcher sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m afraid I won’t have good fatty cuts until later in the week. Would you be willing to wait?”

Arylos nodded as he took out his wallet. “Half now as usual?”

The butcher nodded as he took his knife into his shop and got to work preparing, cutting the pork belly and wrapping it in paper as Arylos turned back to Rikio. “Iris and I aren’t planning children so let her live out her fantasies as an aunt,” Arylos said with a light chuckle.

“Which reminds me, you two have been together for five years now, right?” Rikio said while repositioning his scarf back over his face as he felt ice form on his beard. “Why haven’t you two tied the knot already?”

Arylos’s smile slowly faded as he became lost in his thoughts. As quickly as it faded, Arylos’s smile returned with a nervous laugh. “We don’t need to worry about such things.”

“Uh oh, sounds like someone has the relationship blues,” Rikio said with a laugh as he gave Arylos a solid pat on his back.

Arylos’s smile faded and Rikio could swear he could hear a dog-like growl coming from Arylos’s chest. “You better tell the guy what you want before he decides to ignore you again,” Arylos said under his breath as he took out several bills and gave them to the butcher in exchange for his cuts of meat.

Rikio shook his head with a sigh before lowering his scarf. “I’ll need trimmed pork belly and five scales of ground chuck. Unlike this guy, I’m good with it being lean.”

The butcher nodded and set to work gathering the beef chuck for grinding as Arylos took his haul and began walking away under Rikio’s attention. “I’m sorry that I hit a nerve; I didn’t mean that,” Rikio said to Arylos as he walked out of sight.

Arylos stopped and let out a sigh before turning towards Rikio. “You didn’t hit a nerve,” he said in a low growl.

“Then what’s wrong?” Rikio said while turning to face Arylos. “Something’s got you down. You can tell me if you’re comfortable.”

Arylos let out a sigh as he thought to himself for a while, wondering just what to say. “Can you keep a secret?” Arylos asked softly.

“Sure,” Rikio said while coming closer to Arylos and making sure he was out of earshot of the butcher.

“I’m sure you know the rumours; that there are inhuman creatures living in the city, right?” Arylos asked under his breath.

“Well, less of a rumour and more of an unspoken truth,” Rikio scoffed nervously. “I’ve never met one, but from what I’ve heard, they’re decent enough; they’re just trying to make a living.”

Arylos nodded slowly as he looked at Rikio with his red eyes as his pupils changed shape to their draconic slits. “And what if I was one of them? That I’m not human.”

Rikio let out a relieved laugh under his breath. “To be fair, I kind of had you pegged as one for a while.”

“Wait, really?” Arylos asked in shock.

Rikio nodded as he continued to laugh. “You have red eyes and your skin is pale. You also talk like you’re not from around here. And I’ve seen you in those boxing matches; no human can take a beating of twenty rounds and not even look tired. Whatever you are, it certainly isn’t human.”

Arylos let out a sigh as he looked away, letting his eyes return to normal. “And you never wondered what I am?”

“Does it really matter?” Rikio said proudly. “You’re decent enough and you actually care about your girlfriend. You haven’t done anything really fucked up other than when you fought that monster that attacked the city a few years ago. You haven’t attacked me or my family and you haven’t hurt Iris. As far as I’m concerned, you’re one of the good ones.”

“One of…the good ones,” Arylos repeated under his breath as if he couldn’t believe the words.

Rikio nodded but was cut off by the butcher hollering for him. As Rikio turned away and approached the butcher, Arylos turned to the side and contemplated Rikio’s words. One of the good ones, Arylos repeated in his mind as he truly wondered if that’s what he was. His thoughts were interrupted as Rikio returned to Arylos while stuffing his haul in his bag.

“So, what’s all of this about then? Does Iris not know?” Rikio asked while tightening the scar around his neck.

“No, she knows what I am and somehow has learned to embrace it,” Arylos answered with a soft sigh.

“And do you intend to hurt her?” Rikio asked sternly.

“I would never,” Arylos said immediately while shaking his head. “I hate seeing her cry; I could never bring myself to hurt her or anything like that.”

“Then I stand by that you’re one of the good ones; not some creepy monster that preys on innocent girls,” Rikio said while putting his hands in his pockets and walking down the street.

“I’m sure her father would beg to differ if he was still alive,” Arylos said under his breath while following Rikio from a distance.

“What makes you think that?” Rikio asked while slowing down for Arylos to catch up.

Arylos sighed softly as he felt his anger heat his skin. “He died because of me; had I not been there, Iris would still be living with her family in Nageki without a care. When he died, he asked me to protect her, but I’m sure it was just because he was dying; he was always afraid of what I am and rightly so.”

“Yet you don’t plan on hurting his daughter and strive to make her happy; I’m sure he would approve,” Rikio said with a proud smile hidden by his scarf.

“I don’t plan to, but she may end up in the crossfire,” Arylos lamented while clenching his teeth. “That’s what happened to her family; caught in a crossfire of a battle they had no right to be in the middle of. And I’m worried that the same thing will happen to her.”

“And that’s why you don’t want to marry her?” Rikio asked in concern.

Arylos shook his head as his anger faded to sadness. “Trust me, I want to; I want nothing but to spend my life with her. But my life is endless and so I will never be able to give her what she wants.”

“How come?” Rikio asked while watching Arylos intently.

“How can I be a husband to her when this human facade of mine is just an act?” Arylos said mournfully with anger hidden in his tone. “I can’t give her a family of her own; our species can’t have children with each other. We can’t grow old together; she will die before I even look thirty. She deserves love and respect, but all I know is my animalistic obsessive love for her. She wants the traditional meeting of her in-laws and family events, but her family is dead and I have no family of my own; no in-laws for her to meet and no nieces and nephews for her to adopt.”

“You won’t marry her because you feel inadequate as a man and a husband,” Rikio summarised aloud.

Arylos felt the scathing heat of the words as if Rikio belittled what a Titan could call his soul. Arylos slowly nodded, surrendering to his failures. “All I can do is make up for it; make sure she is happy and satisfy her other needs that I can fill. The least I can do is let her feel normal for as long as I can.”

“Well that’s no reason to not tie things off,” Rikio mentioned with a laugh. “You’re doing the best you can, and that’s all you can do. You think I do everything right? Fuck no; no one ever does. But what’s important is that you try and you are honest and open with her.”

“That’s why I try and remember,” Arylos said softly under his breath. “Maybe one day, I’ll be worthy of dying with her if fate deals me a kind hand.”

“Is that what you want?” Rikio asked, a part of him concerned for Arylos.

Arylos laughed under his breath as he finally cracked a smile. “She took away everything I was until all that matters is that I am hers. To grow old and die with her would be the perfect ending to my story.”

Rikio listened to Arylos before letting out a laugh. “You know, Subaya says you’re horrible at romance but I think you actually have a knack for it.”

“I say that all the time yet people are always surprised,” Arylos said in a deadpan voice.