“Ooooh, everything hurts….”

We’re in a tangle of legs and arms while surrounded by shrubbery. Dagger’s head is deep within the jumble of branches and leaves, while Spoon is on top of me, her weight pressed against my sore hip and her foot planted firmly into my chin. I would gag if I could open my mouth to breathe.

For a second, nothing matters but the pain and the thankfulness for still being alive… somehow (I blame the extra layer of clothes). I crane my neck to look up and realize how far the top of the wall is from where we landed. Thank Yeezus! Even if everything hurts. Oh god…

Dagger and Spoon stir, and eventually, we detangle, landing in a crouch as we navigate the shadows of the brush. In front of us are more humans, guards on duty ready to discover three suspicious goblins. Behind us is the wall protecting the city.

Too late to turn around.

“Ok, we stick to the shadows, we stay low, we don’t make any noise.”

“And we cast some more spells.” I pause, and slowly turn to face Spoon who is grinning from ear to ear…

I don’t know why but internally, I curse—

“What?”

Spoon scooches closer to me, close enough to jab me in the chest. Her shit-eating grin never fades from her lips as she whispers, “You heard me, Rock. I felt magic. You did magic!”

“I—” Why am I lying?—“did not.”

She shakes her head. “Yes, you did.”

I look to Dagger for help and get none. In fact, he nods in agreement, “You made me feel safe… and tingly…”

I groan.

“I’m not a shaman!” I somehow still whisper despite my voice taking on a bit of shrillness!

But Spoon isn’t listening.

“You don’t have to be a shaman to cast spells! You had a need, and Yeezus provided! How much mana do you have?”

Without thinking, I show her-

Name : Rock The Goblin Thief

Level 3

Race Goblin

Class Thief

Job Thief

Hit Points : 20

Mana : 7

Morale : 17

Spoon looks at me weirdly, as if she doesn’t know what to say. Finally, after several seconds of consideration, she nods to herself and whispers something in a language I can only perceive as high Goblin. The words almost hurt to hear for how harsh they are, and when she is done speaking, her right index finger glows white and seems to radiate heat.

I start to back away, knowing instinctively that glow is bad news. But she grabs my right hand before I have a chance to run away. She yanks me toward her with surprising strength and shoves the glowing finger into my face, the act blinding me and making me yelp, if not jump out of my skin.

“Stay still,” Spoon hisses as I crane my head away from the terrible glow. I can’t help but try to yank myself free as something deep and primal takes over, and every horror story I’ve ever heard about shamans takes over my body and mind. I want to cry but only manage a whimper, closing my eyes shut in the face of the inevitable pain!

But then nothing happens, and in embarrassment, I open my eyes slowly… and find the weird glow of her finger hovering over my palm and, despite the obvious feeling of glowing heat, no pain.

“Not there…” she whispers, waving her fingers around my right palm.

“What do you—”

“Not a shaman!” she announces before letting go of my hand.

“What the hell, Spoon!” I grunt, rubbing my now sore wrist.

“Had to make sure…”

“Had to make sure of what!” I nearly shout, my own embarrassment leaking into my voice. Spoon almost made me piss my pants! I can never look at her the same again. Fucking Dagger’s giggling.

“That you weren’t actually a Shaman!” she shouts, “If you’re a shaman, I must train you! Shamans train shamans; it’s the law!”

That strange, persistent look on her face, a determination that feels as solid as her grip and invites no argument no matter how dumb she sounds, makes me back off and deflate. I’m not a shaman. But if I was? Spoon’s insistence on training me feels… sweet? When I was a raider, I only received instruction from the Elders, especially Elder Bones. But beyond that? Hard-earned experience, painfully gotten and paid for by blood. I wish an Uncle would take me aside and show me the way, but… a raider learns by raiding. That is our way. But shamans are apparently different.

“You notice something?”

Spoon and I turn to look at Dagger, whose face looks deep in thought. When he has both of our attention, he continues, “We made a lot of noise, and the humans never came.”

We look at each other and then peer around the corner at the human guards, still on watch, guarding the night against intruders. Their butts are settled on stools, three more inside the gate. One of them gets up and saunters over to the bush, and we duck inside and huddle around the darkest patch of shadows as he approaches. Fear becomes a hammer pounding over and over again as the heavy steps get closer and closer, our breaths held to not make a sound. And then the worst happens...

He pees. Right on the brush, whistling a tune as he does, his hot urine misses us by inches, and it trickles and splashes against leaves and branches. We hold our breath even as the acrid smell gets stronger and only exhale once the sound of running water stops and the footsteps gets louder in the opposite direction.

“See?” Dagger announces, breaking the silence and stirring me into a panic. I make to dive for Dagger before he can say another word, but Spoons stops me, her eyes filled with excitement-

“Wait.”

“What do you mean wait?!” I hiss.

Spoon looks over the bush with a craned neck and flops back down. “He didn’t hear us.”

I look at Spoon, then slowly climb from around the cover of the shadows and peer around the corner. Sure enough, the guard that came to pee returned to his stool, waiting out the night shift with his buddies. I slowly inch back,

“So?”

“So? Your Spell Rock, it’s still active!”

I look at Spoon, then Dagger, then Spoon.

“I don’t kn—”

“Don’t be a stupid Raider!” Your spell still WORKS!” Spoon shouts at the top of her lungs, almost making me scream in terror.

“STOP THAT!” I hiss.

“NO!”

“We’re both right, Rock. We’re invincible!” Dagger chimes in with a grin.

“Invisible!” Spoon corrects.

“SHUT UP!” I roar before realizing my mistake and covering my mouth.

Spoon and Dagger stare at me, grinning as I wait for instant cruel death to come flying in from the human guards. But nothing happens. Just me and my own desire to piss myself in absolute fear, stewing in an echo of Dagger’s and Spoon’s silent giggles and my own building embarrassment. I blush a deep green, and fear is replaced by self-consciousness.

Fuck them both.

But before that. “How??”

Spoon looks at me with mischief twinkling in her eyes. “You didn’t read your own spell, did you?”

I look at her with a “you think I’m stupid look,” which doesn’t work because she merely tries not to giggle, so I straighten up and explain, “The spell said 60 seconds.”

Spoon’s grin widens. “You rolled a CRIT!”

“What the fuck’s a crit!?”

“Really, really, big BOOM!” Spoon exclaims, her eyes shiny with the joy of revealing a deep secret of the universe. I know that’s not an answer but—

“Hey, what’s that noise!” shouts two of the human guards. Spoon’s eyes go from joy to panic, and my own face drops as the sound of shuffling stools is heard, and heavy footsteps follow.

But it is Dagger who remains calm. Dagger, who looks at us both while rubbing his single chin hair. His face deep in thought, a plan to get us out of here forming—

“I think the spell ran out.”

We’re doomed.