A giant iridescent blue serpent and a tiny pixie popped into existence in the woods not terribly far from a clearing containing a Faun-shaped lump in the grass.

“Okay,” the pixie said wearily. “Let’s find that moron before mom realizes that we are all missing.”

The serpent looked back towards the clearing and sighed.

“I don’t think that’s going to be a problem,” she said sadly. “I haven’t seen mom this bad since the usurpers hurt her.”

“Well, one silver lining to this odious cloud is that all of them have been dealt with, them and their vile followers.”

“Harmony, there was a time when their ‘vile followers’ were dear friends of mine,” the serpent said quietly. “I still mourn them, or what they used to be.”

“Yeah,” Harmony replied. “Me too.”

The pair stood (or hovered) there silently for a moment.

“Well,” Harmony said, “No sense crying over spoiled berries. Let’s go find the idiot before he causes even more trouble.”

***

“Okay, that’s it!” Steve exclaimed. “Either you tell Pantsu that you like her, or I will!”

“What?!?” the dragon prince exclaimed. “No! You can’t do that!”

“Watch me!” Steve said as he rose. “Oh, look. There she is!”

He started striding purposefully toward Pantsu.

“No!” the dragon prince exclaimed as he followed in hot pursuit, “Wait!!!”

***

On the other side of the encampment, two rather haggard figures, one in hastily donned adventuring garb and the other in a partially unzipped rabbit onesie, hurriedly ate and drank.

“Finally came up for air, huh?” a demoness snickered.

The pair looked up at her with big eyes.

“Still unhappy with your ‘organicness’?”

They both giggled and shook their heads, not stopping with their hasty refueling.

“I think ‘Evangeline’ was looking for you.”

“Don’t care,” Flopsybun replied as the other bunny adept giggled again.

“That’s the spirit!” the demoness laughed and then continued on her way.

***

Harmony, the pixie, and the giant blue serpent entered the main encampment.

“There!” Harmony exclaimed, pointing at a pair of dragons, “I bet they’ve seen the doofus.”

“Excuse me,” the serpent said as she approached the dragons, “I was wondering if you had seen a friend of ours.”

“He’s big and stupid!” Harmony added, “Oh, and he’s a dragon.”

“You mean Kalar?” one of the dragons asked.

“Oh, he’s, like, so swoony!” the other exclaimed.

“Major swoon!” her friend added.

“Tail flutteringly swoony!”

“Of course, he went for Geelvara,” the other one huffed. “Golden-scaled… lizard.”

“What is it about gold scales, anyway?” her friend asked indignantly. “My copper ones are every bit as pretty!”

“And my fringes are longer!” the other dragon exclaimed. “It’s not fair!”

“Just to be clear,” Harmony said dubiously, “We are talking about a dragon named Kalar, right?”

“And he’s so bold!”

“Bold is one word for it…”

“And so nice!... And charming!... And… Oh!... Swoon!”

“Swoon to the max!” the other dragon sighed, throwing her head back

The serpent looked at the pair of dragons as if they had lost their minds.

“Big guy, green and grey?” she asked.

“Such scales!” one of the dragons gushed. “They have such character… He must be ancient!”

“And so powerful!” the other one sighed. “Did you feel it, his power?”

“Did I…” her friend sighed. “How could you miss it? It was just rolling off of him… Swoon!”

“He’s not that old,” the serpent said, “I got a good thousand years on the goofball.”

“You know him?!?”

“(Sigh)… Yes, and we are looking for him,” the serpent said, “So if you could…”

“How old is he?”

“Only thirty thousand or so, not especially…”

“Thirty thousand?!? OhMyGawd… Swoon!”

“Imagine how wise he must be!... Double swoon!”

“Wise and Kalar aren’t words I think of together,” the serpent hissed with growing impatience. “If you two could pause in your ‘swooning,’ could you please tell us where he is? His mother is going to…”

“Oh, like, we can’t tell you, sorry.”

“Excuse me?” Harmony demanded as she fluttered up inches from the dragon’s nose.

“Yeah, like totally,” the other dragon said, “He said that some critters might show up looking for him and to, like… not tell them where he went and stuff.”

“Look,” the serpent said, raising up and looming above both dragons, “It is very important that we find him before Faun, our creator, notices that he is missing. She is having a very stressful day, and the last thing she needs is to find out that Kalar, King of the Dumbasses, has run off after the golden temptress. So, could you please tell us where the Faun he is?”

“Like… Sorry and stuff,” the copper-scaled dragon said. “But like… no.”

“Aaaarrrgh!” the serpent bellowed.

“If Faun realizes that he is missing,” Harmony said with an angry flutter of her wings, “Kalar’s tail is roasted, and none of you will ever see that… swoonfest ever again!”

“Hello!” a silver dragon said as it flew up. “Um… Hi,” it said to the serpent. “You are incredibly attractive! I would like very much to mate with you!”

“Ew,” the two lady dragons said in unison.

“Dude,” the serpent said, “One, you are barking up the wrong tree. Two, that approach only works for Kalar. And three… Ew. Go away.”

The silver dragon slumped dejectedly.

“Why does it only work for him?”

“Because he is an idiot,” Harmony replied, “and only an idiot is honest and guileless enough to say something like that with the sincerity needed for it to actually work. When someone like you says it, it’s just creepy.”

“It isn’t fair,” the silver dragon sighed. “I’ve been courting Geelvara for centuries, and he just walks up, asks her to mate, and she just… flies off with him!”

“You wouldn’t happen to know which direction, would you?”

“Um… I’m not supposed to tell you.”

“But he stole your girl!” the serpent hissed hypnotically, her eyes glowing faintly, “If you told us where he went, we will make sure he’s out of the picture.”

“Ummmm… I… Ooooh…” the silver dragon stammered as the serpent drew close.

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” the serpent crooned seductively.

“I…”

“Snap out of it!” the copper-scaled dragon yelled as she backed away from the raw power emanating from the serpent.

“I… He’s…”

The silver dragon smirked.

“He’s hiding inside your bottom!”

The dragon drew himself up into a proud stance.

“To quote your own sage words,” he said, “Ew. Go away… Creep!”

“Oh, Faundammit,” Harmony sighed. “You just had to try the mind fuck, didn’t you? Now we aren’t going to get anything out of the dragons. Come on, let’s go.”

As the fairy and the serpent slinked off, the copper dragon’s friend looked at the silver dragon, her eyes glittering.

“Like you totally fought off that snake. Like… how?”

“Kalar might not be my favorite dragon at the moment,” the silver dragon replied, “but he’s a dragon, and I’m not about to let some… worm push me around and make me betray one of my own.”

His eyes softened.

“Besides,” he said, “We have lost so much, especially Geelvara. If she, if any of us, can get some measure of happiness in these dark days, I will be damned if I am the one who spoils it.”

“Like… wow!” the dragon said, looking at the silver dragon in a whole new light, “Hey… um…”

She paused.

“Like, I am like totally digging your vibe right now. Do you wanna… like… hook up or something?”

“I would be delighted!”

***

High above the hidden valley, two dragons tenderly embraced in an enchanted cave.

“Oh, Kalar,” a beautiful golden dragon sighed, “I really needed that.”

She leaned up.

“You were wonderful,” she crooned.

“I was?!?” Kalar spluttered in surprise.

“You were,” Geelvara hissed affectionately.

She looked downward.

“I hope… I hope you don’t think me too forward… or too easy…”

“Huh?”

Kalar hadn’t thought that. In fact, he hadn’t thought anything ever since she nuzzled him. It was a good thing, too. If he had been thinking, he would have probably messed it up.

“It’s just that,” Geelvara said quietly, “life is so uncertain now. We dragons are being hunted every day, and every day could be our last. We used to take longer to… um… to ‘be’ with each other, but we no longer have time for our lengthy courtship rituals. We will be going to war soon, and… and…”

Kalar realized that he had to say something. He just didn’t know what.

“Um…” he said thoughtfully, “I think you’re beautiful… and wonderful… and smart…”

Geelvara giggled, steam coming out of her nose.

“As for the rest… All I can think is… WOW!”

Geelvara burst into happy laughter and nuzzled him again.

“I am so glad that fate has brought us together,” she smiled.

She paused.

“Oh dear,” she gushed. “I have eggs!”

“You do?!?”

“Yes, darling,” Geelvara smiled, “Several! I must say, you are certainly… potent.”

“I’m going to be a dad?!?” Kalar exclaimed happily, “Awesome!”

He paused.

“Um… I guess I’m going to have to tell mom that I’m moving out.”

“You are going to stay?!?”

“You’re here,” Kalar smiled, “and my kids will be here. I shall be here as well.”

“But, this world is in so much peril!”

“Mom will sort it all out,” Kalar said confidently, “She’s a goddess, after all.”

“But, if she doesn’t…”

“She will.” Kalar said forcefully, “And… if she doesn’t… well… Then we… We…”

He set his jaw.

“Then we will protect this world ourselves.”

***

“No!” the dragon prince cried, “Stop!”

“It’s for your own good,” Steve replied as he continued his march towards Pantsu.

Pantsu, hearing the dragon prince’s distress, sprinted toward Steve, causing him to cease his march toward her and start a march in the opposite direction.

“Stop what?” Pantsu said in that pleasant tone that sent a chill down every monster’s spine who knew her.

“Um…” Steve said. “The dragon prince over here wants to tell you something.”

“I do?”

“If you don’t, I will.”

“Um…” the dragon prince said uncertainly, “I think you are really pretty and really cool and… and…”

He squeezed his eyes shut.

“WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?” he blurted.

Pantsu’s breath caught. It was so much like it was way back then.

Fighting back tears, she smiled.

“Sure, what the Hell.”

“Really?!?”

“You’re cute enough,” she said nonchalantly as her heart was bursting.

“You think I’m cute?!?”

“Yep,” she replied. “Let’s go.”

“Where?”

“If you are taking me out on a date, I expect to be wined and dined, and we can’t do that here. There is this city that the champions kept trying to escort me to. I bet they have a decent restaurant or at least a pub.”

She extended her arm.

He took it.

She looked over at Steve and grinned.

“Don’t wait up.”

The pair disappeared.

“Aww,” a handmaiden gushed. They always were a cute couple.

“Was this bad the first time?” Steve asked.

“Worse,” the handmaiden laughed, “They were both like that. It drove all of us crazy for years.”

***

On a perfect sunlit island on Nolta, a beautiful woman with silver hair and a definitely not beautiful hairy hominid held hands as they walked along the surf.

“I wish we had talked like this before,” Frostie said as she playfully kicked at the surf.

“Same here,” the hominid replied. “I think… I think we might actually—”

Frostie clamped her hand firmly over his mouth.

“Don’t you dare jinx this,” she laughed…

…and then kissed him.

As they continued their stroll down the beach, neither of them noticed the rather large crab stalking them from the jungle’s edge…

***

A short time later, a very young (looking) couple wandered into a standard fantasy tavern in a standard fantasy city.

The dragon prince pulled out Pantsu’s chair, and she, with a little giggle, primly took a seat.

***

“What the Hell?” Bergamot exclaimed as he restrained an enraged peasant in the tavern in Zeb’s afterlife.

“He stole Margaret from me!” the man yelled.

“That’s a foul lie!” another peasant, currently firmly pressed to the floorboards by an arm bar courtesy of Bethany. “She was mine! I won her fair and square!”

“I think Margaret can choose for herself,” Bethany said disapprovingly. “Women aren’t possessions, dude.”

“Woman?” the peasant in her grip yelled, “You think this is about a mere woman? Margaret is a cow!... A cow. That. I. WON!!!”

“A cow that you cheated for and stole!!!” the other peasant shouted, trying to escape Bergamot.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Bethany shouted. “Here you are, in freaking peasant heaven fighting over a cow neither of you will ever see again?”

The peasant on the floor burst into tears.

“Oh, Margaret… Who is going to take care of you now?”

“She will be fine, Turnip,” the other peasant said. “Your wife and your kids aren’t here. That means they are still breathing. They will look after her just fine.”

“But they don’t milk her right…”

Bergamot sighed.

It was going to be a long day.

***

“Thank you for handling that,” Zeb said later as he, Zilandrial, and the three formerly living champions all relaxed in his office.

Bethany looked over at Cleve and Zilandrial impishly.

“That was certainly a long shower,” she grinned.

“Sometimes a nice long shower is exactly what the doctor ordered,” Cleve replied as Zilandrial giggled and hugged his arm.

“You get murdered by a comrade, uploaded into an ‘engineered reality’, assaulted by babies, covered in… filth… and you still find it within yourself to ‘take a shower’… You are something else, Cleve.”

Cleve shrugged.

“Priorities, dude,” he replied to more giggles from his new “friend”.

“So,” Zeb said, “I know that, with everything that has transpired, you haven’t had much time to think. But, have any of you given any thought to where you want to go?”

“You seem to be a bit short of help,” Cleve said, “I figured I would hang out for a bit, give you a hand… completely out of the goodness of my heart, of course.”

“Of course,” Zeb smiled. “Well, regardless of your ‘motivation’, your assistance has been deeply appreciated. If you wish to remain here for a while longer, I would certainly not object.”

“Neither would I,” Zilandrial purred into Cleve’s ear.

“We could hang around, too,” Bergamot said. “We had to break up four fights already.”

“Once again,” Zeb said, “I would be happy to—”

“Incoming!” Petunia shrieked from down the hall.

***

The dragon prince, surrounded by flames, looked over at Pantsu apologetically.

“Sorry the date got all messed up,” he said as the tavern they once occupied was engulfed in flames (along with most of the town).

Things might have gotten out of hand.

Pantsu grinned as she ripped the face off of one of the remaining champions.

“What do you mean?” she laughed, “This evening has been wonderful!”

“Really?” the dragon prince asked as he bellowed out a gout of blue-white flames, utterly vaporizing the last of the town guard.

“Oh yeah,” Pantsu said as she swept the dragon prince into her arms and kissed him as the poor city of Highwall burned around them.