Yo, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Well, not for you, but it sure has been a while for us. We’ve been walking through these damned swamps for ages! I’m pretty sure we’re right now on day 11 of the trek if my count isn’t off, but honestly what day we’re on is hardly the issue here.

“Mooom, awe we thewe yet?” Nelly groaned.

“Soon, Nel. Just gotta get over that mountain way over there.”

“But that’s so faw away!”

Nelly has been pestering Cecily with this exact phrase for days now. She got tired of eating the meat Cecily and I managed to snag while walking real quick, so she probably can’t wait to get this whole thing over with. Oh, and if you’re wondering, I was in charge of summoning the animals (mostly fish) while Cecily was in charge of killing them. Turns out Materialize has some really good practical capabilities, and I even managed to abuse Spark to burn them to a crispy delight.

Cecily was saying all those things about not wanting to kill people anymore, but it’s pretty difficult to believe her when I see just how efficiently she cuts the prey up with her knives. Seriously, was she even serious about any of that?

“Hey Lune?” She once asked me while we were all busy munching down on our catch of the day, “Didn’t you once tell me you come from a butcher’s family?”

“Yeah?” I answered before swallowing my bite, “What of it?”

“Then why am I the one getting all messy and having to kill them?”

“You don’t wanna? But the fishies were so calm every time you whipped out your knives. They’d always go completely limp if you were the one exacting the kill, meanwhile they’d flub around all over the place if I was the one holding the knife.”

“Mnn…!” Nelly felt a bit uneasy, “Could you guys stop talking about killing?!”

Yeah, thank Prylos I left home. Nelly would never be able to take up butchering if I didn’t. Well, then again, she wouldn’t even be my daughter in that reality, and given I wouldn’t have burned down the house that day, she’d probably still be with her real family…

The thought made me feel a bit nauseous as well, so I quickly lost my appetite and had to clock out early. I gave Cecily my leftovers and said I’d take a quick nap.

“Hey, you’re supposed to stay awake today first!” Cecily shook me awake, “Get off your lazy bum and keep watch!”

This isn’t how I imagined a family vacation to look like, I thought, But it certainly is how I imagined being a double deserter would be. Thus, I got up and began strolling around the periphery while Cecily happily took my spot in dreamland. I really wanna say something like “Her sleeping face is so cute…”, but honestly I’m just kind of pissed at her for making me stay awake in her stead.

“Oi…” I heard a faint voice call out.

Must’ve been the wind, I reasoned before continuing my patrol.

“Oi~…” The voice aligned itself into a beckon.

Am I finally losing it? Starting to hear voices in my head, this must be a sign that I’ve finally hit a breaking point. That, or I’m just way too sleep deprived.

“L-Lune?” Cecily tugged on my sleeve from behind, “Did you hear someone just now too?”

“Dad…!” Nelly teared up as well.

Oh good, so I’m not crazy yet! And even if I was, then at least I wouldn’t be alone, since apparently my family heard the same thing.

“Let’s investigate.” I packed our bags without hesitation and began walking towards the voice.

“No!” Cecily pulled me back, “Don’t go, are you crazy?!”

“What’s the matter?” I turned to her with a smug grin, “You chicken?”

She grumbled before daintily punching me on the arm, and after a couple more minutes of complaining, she finally caved and followed me. I’d like to think that’s because I made fun of her just now, but really it’s probably her maternal instincts kicking in after I took Nelly with me.

“The voice is coming from that cave.” I explained.

“Is it really safe?” Cecily quivered as she spoke.

“I dunno, let’s ask the voice.” I chuckled as I began yelling into the cave, “Yo, is it safe to come inside?!”

“…” The voice took a while to reply, “That’s what she said! Har har har!”

“Yeah, it’s safe alright…”

Making our way through the moist and damp cave, occasionally a water droplet from the ceiling would fall on one of our heads, only further annoying or startling us. At first it was pretty cute seeing the girls’ reactions, but after it started happening to me too, I quickly grew bored of it.

“Ugh, this cave goes on forever…” I muttered, “Kind of reminds me of Shaid’s Lair. Yuck!”

“That’s the place you were commissioned to explore right? And the place you met her…” Cecily gave me a side glance.

“Stop silently judging me! It was a seriously scary situation in Sibirus!”

“Ah, so my assumptions were correct.” She continued glaring at me, “It was the Suspension Bridge Effect…”

This girl is seriously testing her luck! She was so quick to accept my apology when I hit her, but she still won’t let bygones be bygones when it comes to Marina? Eh, that’s actually fair. If I had to pick between Cecily cheating on me and her punching me, I’d probably have to choose the latter of the two. Then again, it’s not really a fair comparison, since her punches are way deadlier than mine.

“Oh wait, I think I see something…!” I smiled upon noticing some light in front of us, “There’s someone there!”

Entering the room, we had expected a ton of things. I had pranced in without a care in the world, meanwhile Cecily and Nelly followed shortly behind, if a bit more timidly than I did. In front of us stood a large room with walls mostly made out of dirt, grass and some occasional mossy rocks. It looked like an underground oasis if I had to describe it in words. In the center of the room was a large boulder, and on it…

“Har har har!” A red-skinned giant three times the size of a regular human being guffawed, “Well aren’t you brave, following a random voice to the Golden God’s Domain? What if I was an enemy or something like that?”

“L-Lune?” Cecily clung to me desperately, “That thing is…!”

“That thing?” The giant corrected her, “Lady, I have a name. I am Auros, The Golden God!”

***

“D…”

Did he just say Auros?! Like, that Auros?! The Fighting God Auros?! Oh my God! I-I mean, Oh my Him! This guy was always described in legends as a giant, but I never expected him to be this big! He’s sitting down on his boulder, but even still you can tell that he could squash anyone under his foot! And his skin, it’s so red! Why the hell is that a thing?! Is it a skin condition?!

“A-Are you…” I bit my tongue whilst trying to speak, “Really Auros?”

“What’s the matter with ya’, kid?” He pointed his finger at me, “Cat got ya’ tongue? Speak up, man!”

“Dad…” Nelly huddled up close to me, “Who is this?”

“Didn’t I just say?” Auros yelled back, “I am Auros! The Golden God of Fight!”

Nelly was scared of his sudden outburst, so she started crying with all her might. Now he might be one of the Four Gods, but I ain’t letting anyone make Nelly cry and get off scot-free.

“Oi!” I reprimanded him, “The hell’s your problem! You’re a God, but you made a little girl cry? What kind of a man is that?!”

“Wuh-! I am a real man!” He protested, “So what if she cried? Women do that all the time!”

Hold on, how many women did this guy make cry? And what the hell does that even mean? Is this guy joking or something, because no one’s laughing.

“Besides, you’ve got a woman right next to ya’!” He pouted as he crossed his arms, “Make her breastfeed the kid or something, I don’t know.”

“That’s-!” Cecily had to step in, “My breasts aren’t-! T-They don’t let out any milk yet!”

“Yeah right, lady. I know a woman when I see one, now stop lying!”

“Dude…” I gave the Fighting God a stare of serious worry, “You don’t seriously think a woman just let’s out milk without any prerequisites, do you?”

“…” He loomed over us in silence, before ultimately bringing his head close and whispering, as if embarrassed, “They don’t?”

This guy’s an idiot, I immediately thought, But that’s good for us. And why is it good, exactly? Well, let me explain. If he was smart, we’d be screwed, since it’s said that the God of Fight slays anyone the moment they set foot in his Domain. This would make us extremely unlucky, but given how we’re still alive despite all this hubbub, I can accurately assume that he still hasn’t chosen whether or not to spare us just yet.

But that’s just it, he’s not smart. In fact, he’s dumb as a rock, and that means I might be able to trick him into letting us go. That being the case, is this really happening right now? Is my unofficial sort of ex-wife really explaining to the God of Fighting how girls produce milk out of their tits while I’m holding my hands over my daughter’s ears so she doesn’t learn prematurely? To begin with, I thought the Four Gods were a myth, but we have one of them sitting right here in front of us! So wait, does that mean the others are nearby as well?

“But wait, if a woman has to be pregnant…? Argh, all this thinking is making my head hurt!”

“Fighting God, where are the other Three?” I asked, still holding my hands over Nelly’s ears.

“Ah, those guys?” He rolled his eyes, “Let’s see, Prylos and Selzion are up above working on some big project, and Allucius is still looking for Oroboras’ reincarnation or something.”

A project up above? Well, looks like the Gods are all pretty busy with everything, but that’s not what caught my attention. Who the hell is Oroboras?

“Oroboras?” Cecily repeated the mysterious name.

“Ah, shoot! I let it slip!” Auros slapped himself, the sound reverberating through the cave, “Just ignore what I said! Allucius would kill me if he found out I told some mortals about this!”

“Hmm, I dunno…” I acted all coy, “I mean, first you scare my daughter. Then we, out of the kindness of our own hearts, teach you about the mammary glands, only for you to ask us to keep your flub a secret?”

“What are you getting at, boy?” He donned a scary frown.

“I’m not a boy, I’m turning twenty in like a month or so.” I corrected him before continuing, “What I’m getting at, though, we’re in no position to be doing you this solid.”

“Solid?” He questioned, “What exactly do you mean, a solid?”

This is it! He fell for the trap, hook line and sinker! Now all I need to do is be calm and collected and we might just be home free!

“It’s as I said.” I explained, “A solid is a favor you exchange back and forth between yourself and someone else. I can’t owe you multiple solids if you did multiple good things for me, only one giant collective solid. The same applies for you.”

“You’re trying to con a God out?” He saw through my charade all too quickly.

“…” Gulping, I refused to break eye contact as I neither confirmed nor denied his assumption.

“Har har har!” He guffawed, “You’re a bold one, boy! I like you! So what, you’re saying I owe you a huge favor now or something? Fine, I’ll play along, it might be fun.”

“Ha…!”

Ha ha! I did it! We’re home free! Now we won’t have to worry about walking all the way through the continent anymore!

“You owe me a solid.” I began my request, “Do me a solid and take the three of us safely to the dock at the east of Maior!”