By the time we returned to Freo, I was feeling a little better. There was still the hollow ache of failure in my chest and the hard rock of disappointment resting in my stomach but I felt ready to face my crew. I knew they’d be struggling too. I’d checked in on them a couple of times but no one really had anything to say.

Aquila had given a speech to everyone, informing them that we didn’t get Peggy and naming the thirty-seven fighters we lost. She’d tried to put a bit of a positive spin on it, saying that the information they gathered and sent back to Freo would be invaluable in the fight against the Council but the sombre atmosphere on the ship was too consuming.

I was almost happy when we landed on Freo. I wanted to escape to our room and just not be around anyone else but my crew. I didn’t want to talk to people or have to listen. We needed some time to deal with everything that had happened. I needed to do something to get the image of Peggy’s bruised and beaten face out of my mind.

I examined my crew as they extracted themselves from their pods. Gem’s face was blotchy and her eyes were bloodshot. Her fingers were red and raw from where she’d gnawed away the loose skin near her nails, biting to the point of bleeding. Cas looked furious, his eyebrows were drawn together tightly and his jaw was clenched. Cory hid his emotions slightly better but I saw the rapid wringing of his hands and the way his thumb traced over the gap where his fingers were missing. It was a new nervous trait. I’d only noticed it since we got to Freo but it came out often.

I tried to smile at them when they met my gaze but I knew it was more of a grimace.

Ready for this? I asked, gesturing towards the door at the back of the ship.

Does Fornax need our help putting everything away? I just want to go back to our room, Gem thought, her thoughts almost slurred with exhaustion.

I bit my lip. I hadn’t asked her but I hoped she didn’t need help, I just wanted to go and lie down in bed and stare at the ceiling blankly for a while.

I don’t think so. She didn’t say anything. If she needed our help, she’d ask, I sent back.

Cas’ look to me told me that he knew I was being selfish but he didn’t judge me for it. His hand brushed against mine as we shuffled towards the exit, the hushed noise of the garage already deafening in my ears.

Head down, walk quick. The faster we get out of here, the less chance we have of being asked to do something, Cas thought, speeding up slightly.

We matched our strides to his and we’d almost made it to the door when Fornax called us back.

“Aries, crew seven six one, we’re needed in Command,” she said.

I felt my shoulders slump. Part of me wished we could ignore the order but I’d been trained better than that.

“Do we have to go now?” I asked flatly.

Fornax nodded sympathetically.

“We need to debrief. I’m just going to speak to the rest of the crews here then I’ll join you there.”

I mean we could just sneak off instead? Gem suggested, only half joking.

My mind lingered on that thought for too long. I really wanted to. We could have found a nice vent or service corridor and stayed hidden for a bit. We probably wouldn’t even talk or anything, we’d just not be surrounded by people for a little bit. The constant whispers and stares were getting less intense but they were still wearing me down. I feel like an asshole for complaining about it but it was exhausting. The only moment of respite we had was when we were alone in our rooms and even then we were painfully aware of Peggy’s absence.

“Alright, we’ll meet you there,” I said to Fornax reluctantly.

After this meeting, we’ll hide for a bit, I promised.

We better. I want to sleep for a while. Like at least a full day, Gem said wistfully.

That doesn’t sound particularly healthy, Cory added quietly, taking hold of Gem’s hand.

Yeah, I mean at what point does it stop being a nap and become a short coma? Cas joked half-heartedly.

Gem sighed loudly.

Gods, don’t tempt me. That would be great. I could just sleep and y’all could wake me up when you get Peg back. Oh Cory, don’t look at me like that! You know I’m kidding!

I looked over at Cory who was watching Gem worriedly, a slight smile playing on my lips. She caught my eye and grinned.

Obviously, I don’t wish I were in a coma right now and I would never let y’all go to get Peg without coming too. Happy? she asked him.

He pursed his lips.

Mmm, he thought back, his gaze still roaming her face.

She pulled him closer to her, smiling down lovingly at him.

You know I’d never leave you again, she whispered.

I looked away, focusing on the elevator screen in front of me.

I worry about you, he replied gently.

I glanced across at Cas who was watching the floor number slowly grow and ignoring the embracing couple beside us. The elevator dinged softly, letting us know we’d reached the right floor seconds, and they extracted themselves before we started down the familiar corridor once more.

The outer war room swarmed with activity. Excited voices overlapped and every screen was covered with information. People flitted between the cubicles, all talking loudly to try and be heard over the din. It was so frantic that even Orion didn’t look up as we entered the room. His eyes were fixed on his screen, noise blockers on his head, his lips moving silently as he read.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself, before walking over to the Command Centre doors. It swung open, revealing a slightly less busy room. Aquila was locked in conversation with Elliot but Andy sat silently, his eyes fixed on us. He cocked his head towards the empty chairs next to him and I began making my way over.

I dropped into the one closest to him, meeting his gaze quickly before looking down at the table. I wasn’t sure what to say. Stupidly, I wanted to say sorry to him. I hadn’t run the mission or organised it. Hells, I hadn’t done anything in it. I had nothing to apologise for but still, the urge stuck in my throat.

“I’m sorry it didn’t work,” he said, just loud enough for my crew to hear but no one else.

“It wasn’t your fault,” I replied softly.

He smiled gently but didn’t respond.

“Will they try again?” I asked finally, my eyes flitting towards Elliot and Aquila who were still speaking to each other.

Elliot laughed loudly and annoyance shot through me before I noticed the hard set of his shoulders and his tight grip on Andy’s hand. He was doing it to distract Aquila. To allow us to speak freely or to let Andy not have to deal with people. My heart swelled with love for him.

“I promise. No matter what, I will do everything I can to get her back.”

I nodded, hearing the barely concealed emotion in his voice. He would help us get Peggy back even if Aquila refused.

“This feels like it’s going to be a long one,” Chal drawled, standing over the empty chair next to Cory. “Would you like some coffee?”

He was dressed in his sterile scrubs, obviously having come from the medBay. He’d probably waited there until all of the ships got back just in case he was needed but we hadn’t brought any injured fighter back. No one had made it off Nova alive.

“I’m alright thank you,” Cory said with a polite smile.

Chal rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

“I know your delicate stomach can’t take the bitter pond water they serve up here.” He placed the cup he’d been holding on the table in front of Cory. “I brought this from the stash in the Doctor’s lounge for you. What do the rest of you want?”

Cory smiled and pulled the cup towards him, taking a long sip.

“I’ll have one if you’re offering, Chal!” Fornax called, dropping into a seat.

He gave her a mock disgusted look.

“I didn’t ask you.”

“Pff, no fair. If you’re not careful, people will think you have favourites!” she teased.

He carelessly dropped a half-full cup of coffee on the table in front of her which she picked up and downed in one.

“I’ve been so open about the fact that crew seven six one are my favourite. I don’t see anyone else bringing me presents on my birthday,” he said with a raised eyebrow as he placed a very full milky cup of coffee in front of Gem.

“I sent you a present every year,” Andy objected.

Chal waved a hand dismissively as he stirred sugar into a cup and topped it up with milk.

“Not on my actual birthday.”

Andy’s face creased with confusion.

“Yes, I do. Fourth of Su’bia.”

I cocked my head. He’d told us his birthday was the twenty-seventh of Aliya’ha. We always brought him a cake and a present. He’d once mentioned in passing that he hadn’t been able to celebrate since he moved to his new location near Irision because he didn’t have anyone who remembered so we always made sure to book that date off and go visit him.

“You told me your birthday was in Shabbatin,” Fornax said accusatorially, her lips twitching into a smile.

“Oops. You know how it is. Tell one small lie about your identity and it blossoms.”

He placed the final cup of coffee in front of me and sat back into his chair, coolly sipping his still steaming cup, his eyes twinkling.

“Ass,” Fornax said, jabbing him in the ribs with her elbow before getting up to fill her cup again.