I glanced at my image on the screen, checking to see if my face had stopped being so puffy. Gem and I had stopped crying a little while ago but it was still redder than I wanted.

“You look beautiful, don’t worry. Am I all puffy?” Gem said, pressing her hands against her face to check.

“You’re not too bad now. You can definitely tell I’ve been crying though,” I said with a sigh, dropping my screen on the bench beside me.

“It’s almost like you just found out you’re going to be a key part of a really stressful mission to get our best friend back,” Gem tried to joke.

It was a valiant attempt.

I snorted softly.

“I don’t want the guys to know though,” I said softly, fiddling with the bow in the middle of my bikini top.

“We can wait then? You made a great choice by the way. This bikini is so cute!” Gem turned to one side, examining herself in the mirror.

I snuffled and smiled at her.

“You do look really nice,” I said honestly. “Your scar’s healing really well.”

“Thanks! It looks pretty good, right? That stuff Chal gave me has helped fade it so much!” she grinned, examining the jagged scar on her stomach where she’d been impaled during the rescue mission to Irision.

Guilt edged into my heart but I pushed it out. She was fine. It didn’t seem to bother her too much. I told myself that a lot but I still felt bad. It was my fault, proof that I’d messed up and risked her life. I could have done something better.

“You look better. Do you want to go out now?” Gem asked, interrupting my thoughts.

“Sure,” I said somewhat reluctantly.

Gem turned and narrowed her eyes at me.

“What is it?” she asked.

I hesitated.

“Nothing…”

She raised an eyebrow and waited for me to speak.

“It’s nothing, really. I just… I know Cas doesn’t want me to do this but I have to and I don’t want to talk to him about it.”

The words flooded from my mouth and I peeked up at Gem, not sure what to expect.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked softly.

“Yeah, definitely. It’s the best plan we have to get Peggy back.”

She nodded, her face determined.

“Well then, that’s what you have to say. He knows you’re the Captain and he might not like your decision but he’ll respect it. He loves you, he just wants you to be safe.”

I blew out a breath I hadn’t realised I was holding.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Plus, you know that me and Cory will support you no matter what. Cas will too, he’s just worrying and blaming everything on himself at the moment. It’ll be fine,” she promised.

I bit my lip. I wasn’t sure.

“Come on, let’s do this! I’m starving!” she said, holding her hand out to me and pulling me up.

I let her, reluctantly standing and grabbing my stuff.

“I bet the guys have already grabbed a locker for us. What are you going to have for lunch?” Gem asked as she pulled the door open.

I smiled as I considered it, so glad that she was being more herself now. It seemed slightly forced but I was grateful that she was trying.

“Mmm… I don’t actually know. They started doing the new menus the other day, didn’t they?” I said, glancing at Cas and Cory who were waiting outside a locker for us.

I couldn’t hear what Cory was saying from there but Cas laughed a little at it. That made me feel a little better. His eyes found mine before long and the laughter died on his lips.

“Oh, they did! I actually don’t know what’s on the new one! Mmmm I hope they have some mac and cheese, I love that stuff. Have you guys seen the new menu yet?” Gem called as we approached the guys.

They stepped out of the way for us to throw our stuff into the big metal locker.

“Nah, do you want to head there first then?” Cas asked.

“Yeah, I think so, Gem and I are hungry,” I said, meeting Cas’ gaze hesitantly.

He smiled gently at me.

“Us too.”

I slammed the locker shut and scanned my chip before stepping back to let the others scan theirs too.

His hand found mine as we walked over the warm sandy floor towards the restaurant. It was next to the arcade so illuminated with neon lights. The chairs and tables were brightly coloured bio-plastic and looked exactly like the ones on Gusiun. They seemed cheerful and easy to clean, adding to the ambience of a fun waterpark or pleasure ship.

Occasional cheers from the arcade joined the symphony of shouting kids. They called to their friends and parents, running around the room and dripping water. The sound made me happy but somewhere, deep in my heart, I felt a pang of sadness. I was glad that so many kids had the opportunity to have fun but I couldn’t help feeling a little jealous.

I’d never had that experience. From childhood, I’d always been expected to be quiet, do what was asked of me and prepare for being drafted. Even at the base, things were better but I’d always been expected to work. To go above and beyond to serve the Council.

“Shall we sit over there?” Gem called over the noise, gesturing towards a table in the back corner overlooking the water.

Sure, I sent back, not bothering to shout.

I filled Gem through the busy restaurant before dropping into a seat and looking around silently. Anxiety gnawed at my stomach as Cas sat next to me, his eyes on my face rather than the screen with the menu attached to the table. My leg started bouncing as I chewed my lip, waiting for Cas to say something.

“What’s everyone feeling?” Gem asked distractedly before looking up at us. “Oh, for fucks sake. Go on. Talk it out because this is insufferable.”

I stared at her in shock, unsure of what to say.

“Urgh, fine. I’ll go first, shall I?” she asked, looking pointedly at Cas before turning to me. “Aries, I was really surprised and worried when I first heard Aquila’s plan but now that we’ve talked it through and I know that we’ll be able to come with, I feel better. I’m still worried about something going wrong and us losing both you and Peggy but, now that I’ve had more time to process it and talk it through, I know that this is the best plan and I understand why you didn’t tell us about it at first. Now your turn, Cory.”

I swallowed and looked at Cory uncertainly. I knew what Gem was doing. We’d been taught to do this if we had a disagreement or an argument. We had to take turns explaining how we were feeling about it and then suggest alternatives before I, as the Captain, would make the decision.

I was glad that Gem had chosen Cory to talk next because I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear what Cas had to say yet.

“I’m worried too, obviously. I know this is a dangerous mission but I trust you and I trust Andy. Neither of you will let this go badly,” he said with a shrug before looking at Cas.

I looked at him reluctantly.

“I’m… scared. I’m worried the second someone gets a clear shot of you, my dad will give the order to kill you,” he said quietly, unable to meet my eyes. “I think we should talk to Captain Aquila about sending me instead. I know she already said no but I think we should try it. You’re more valuable to the crew.”

My heart broke. I wasn’t sure what to say.

“Cas, you’re important too. Plus, you know he won’t do that. He wants to win, not just murder us. He wants to prove to everyone that he’s better than us and that’ll work better if he captures me,” I said finally.

“But what if he says no? If Aquila offers me, he won’t!” he insisted desperately.

“I think, at the moment with everything that Freo is doing to make the Council look bad, he’d rather have me. It’s political now.”

I don’t know if that was the reason Harvey didn’t want Cas. Hell, I didn’t even know for sure that he didn’t want Cas but Aquila made me think he’d said something she wasn’t telling me. It wasn’t too hard to assume it was about Cas. Knowing Harvey, he’d probably said that Cas wasn’t worth it. He said that kind of thing a lot when we were in prison before.

I hope Cas never finds out. He knows his dad’s shit but still, I think it hurts him every time. I’m not sure how he’d find out that his dad rejected him again. I guess he might one day, if he reads this. I can’t see any reason for him to unless things go badly and I get taken. I hope it doesn’t happen but if it does and you’re reading this, Cas…

Fuck. I don’t know what to say. I love you and I’ll find a way back to you. Unless I’m dead. I wouldn’t put it past the Council to kill me but I hope they haven’t. For a while, I didn’t care too much about it but now I do. I want to live. I want to get Peggy back and destroy the Council. I want to get older and see Gem and Cory get married and have kids. I want a future with you.