I walked slowly back towards my room with Elliot ambling beside me. Several times I noticed he sped up unconsciously before glancing at me and slowing down. It made me smile every time but I couldn’t help wondering how he and Andy could possibly be together.

Elliot struck me as the kind of guy who liked to have a specific destination and walk purposefully towards it whilst I’d gone on several slow, meandering walks with Andy. He loved to just wander around the base without a true destination in mind. It must be a nightmare for them both.

I appreciated that Elliot wasn’t hurrying me though. I wanted to walk faster but I was seized by the urge to do something to put off speaking to my crew again. They’d seemed fine when they left the war rooms but I was still worried. I wanted to spend as much time with them as possible but at the same time, I didn’t want them to be anxious. It would make everything much harder for me.

“Do you mind if we swing by the canteen so I can order some food for my crew?” I asked as we stepped into the elevator, realising that would help waste more time.

“Of course not,” Elliot said, his face breaking into a smile.

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” I added quickly, not wanting to keep him away from Andy any longer than necessary.

He checked the old-fashioned looking circular screen on his wrist.

“Ah, it’s alright. Andy’s still in the briefing anyway.”

I nodded and pushed the button.

I could feel Elliot’s eyes on my face as I fiddled with my jumpsuit sleeve, awkwardness spanning the space between us. I could tell he wanted to speak, there was a question on his lips, but I didn’t want him to ask it.

If it was anything about how I was feeling or if I was worried, I honestly didn’t know how I’d answer him. I was worried but I was determined. There was no point in worrying or talking about it because it had to happen. Talking about it would just make everyone anxious.

“How are you feeling about the blades?” he asked finally.

I breathed out a sigh of relief.

We’d settled on two push daggers. They were fairly small things, about the length of my middle finger, that could be built into my gloves so the Guardians wouldn’t notice them until I activated them and they popped out.

“Pretty good. I don’t think the Guardians or IA will expect them so I should be able to do a fair bit of damage, especially up close,” I said.

Elliot nodded, his eyes fixed intently on my face.

“Don’t forget, I’ve sent you the details of both the Guardian’s and IA’s suits so you can study them and learn their weak spots. There’s no point going for the helmets or heavily padded areas, the blades will just bounce off. You need to aim for the joints and anywhere unprotected,” he instructed.

I nodded as the lift came to a stop on the floor with the canteen and stepped out.

“Okay, good. Hopefully, you won’t need to use them but if you do, I have no doubt you’ll do well,” he said as we started along the corridor.

Noise spilt out of the canteen and down the hall towards us. Families, crews and kids called to each other, their voices overlapping. I felt strangely distant from it. Maybe once I would have been joining in but now, it seemed like people expected more from me. I was a role model to the younger (and older) kids whilst most of the adults looked at me to lead the way.

It was daunting.

Silently, we entered the canteen, trying to ignore the whispers that followed, and made our way to the screens on the far side where people could order food to their rooms. It was possible to do so from any screen but I’d come here specifically to avoid my crew for longer. Plus, the food always got there quicker when you ordered in the canteen. I had no idea why.

“What’s on the menu for tonight?” Elliot asked.

I flicked through the pages on the screen quickly.

“Gu’sa mostly,” I said with a smile.

Gem would be happy, she loved those dumplings so much. They were pretty good but not as good as the ones we had from that planetary pop-up place over on the Rhana district a few years back. I still dreamt of them. I longed to go back but we’d never had the time.

Beside me, Elliot finished choosing his food on a screen and stepped out of the way to let someone else order. I took my time, making sure that I got enough food for everyone before sending the order through. It wouldn’t be too long, only about twenty minutes, and a bot would deliver it directly to our room.

“All done?” Elliot asked.

“Yeah.”

“Anything else you want to grab on the way?”

I chewed my lip as I debated going by the storerooms too but eventually decided against it. We could always go again later.

“Nah, I think I’m good,” I said, heading out towards the corridor again.

Elliot smiled as he fell in beside me.

“Lift or stairs?” he asked gesturing with his head.

I glanced at the small but loud crowd waiting outside the lift. I really did not want to be stuck with them. But then it would have stopped Elliot from asking me any hard questions.

“Stairs,” I said finally.

He nodded, walking through the parted crowd towards the stairs. The door closed behind us with a muffled whoosh, immediately encasing us in silence.

“Really not looking forwards to getting back to your crew, huh?” he asked.

I looked at him in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

He chuckled softly.

“I don’t know anyone who would willingly climb almost twenty flights, no matter how busy the lifts look.”

I licked my suddenly very dry lips.

“I mean, we can take the lifts if you want,” I said hesitantly.

“It’s fine,” he said with a smile. “I don’t do anywhere near as much exercise as I should anyway.”

I shot him a doubtful look. Despite his age, his jumpsuit was still taut across his muscular shoulders.

“You still didn’t answer my question though. Are you feeling alright about going back to your crew? We can always head back to the armoury and practice more if you want more time,” he offered.

I looked down as we continued making our way up the stairs, not sure how to answer him.

“No, I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’m just… worried.”

“That’s completely normal. You have a big mission coming up,” he said, his tone surprisingly soft.

“I guess,” I muttered.

“And it’s normal for your crew to be worried about it. Especially when you’re in a relationship with one of them.”

My heart thumped uncomfortably and for a moment I was worried about Elliot being able to heart it with his mods.

“How did you cope? I mean, you were in a relationship with Andy when you worked together, right? He used to have a photo of you all on his desk,” I said, remembering the photo of his crew when they were barely older than us, their arms wrapped around each other.

“He still has that one? I thought the Council would have forced him to get rid of it.” He smiled and shook his head slightly. “It can be tough, you know that already, but you just have to trust each other.”

I smiled distractedly.

We did trust each other, it was Harvey we didn’t trust. That crossed with the desperation to get Peggy back made it a little harder.

“Plus, I wasn’t working with Andy for as long as your crew have been together and we spent most of our professional career apart,” he joked.

I started to speak before hesitating and shutting my mouth again. That could happen to us. If I get caught, I might have to spend years away from Cas and the rest of my crew, if Harvey doesn’t kill me.

“You alright?” Elliot asked after a pause.

“Yeah… just thinking,” I said quietly.

“About what happens if the mission goes badly?”

I glanced at him in surprise.

“It’s not that much of a leap to assume that’s where your mind is,” he said with a gentle smile. “I think most people would be thinking about that too, if they were in your position.”

I nodded, trying to work out how to phrase my next question. I didn’t want Elliot to tell Andy that I was worried but the question was bouncing around my mind, threatening to break free.

“What’s going to happen? If this goes badly, I think my crew are going to struggle. Especially Cas,” I admitted softly.

Elliot was quiet for so long that I glanced at him, anxiety and the effort of climbing the stairs making my hands slick with sweat.

“If that does happen then you’ll do what you can to cope and you know that your crew and Cas will do everything to get you back. All of us will.”

The determination in his voice soothed my worries. They’d look after my crew.

“Andy won’t let them do anything stupid… will he?” I asked, knowing that he wouldn’t but needing to hear someone else say it.

“He won’t. He’ll keep them safe.”

I chewed my lip.

“What if they do something stupid anyway… Like, find a way to hack the controls and lock them in the cockpit and out of the controls,” I continued, trying to sound like I hadn’t put as much thought into this as I had.

I didn’t think they’d be able to do it but Cas and Gem were good at hacking. It was a possibility.

Elliot cocked his head.

“Can they do that?” he asked.

“I don’t know… It wouldn’t surprise me, really.”

He snorted as we finally came to my floor.

“I’ll be honest with you, that’s impressive. Why don’t we have them working in the war rooms?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I said with a smile.

“Alright, I’m sure Andy has already considered it but I’ll make sure he knows. And, if this goes well, we’ll see about getting them in there.”

I grinned at the ground as we started towards my room. They’d enjoy that.

A soft beep came from Elliot’s watch as we walked and I watched his face tighten as he read the message, my heart slowly sinking.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Message from the Cap. The mission is being moved up to tomorrow.”