Lucas

I learned something about Allie today. She gets jittery, but in a good mood if you give her sugar. And talkative.

For the hour we sat in that smoothie place, she told me about how she became a vegan, why Jadon sticks to the same diet and more about that car accident. It's amazing the difference in her demeanor now compared to the mother that snapped at me outside of her car.

She was almost the same girl I met at that party.

And as we drove to get Jadon, I realized something. I never asked her real questions about herself that night. I had no intentions of getting to know the person whose life was about to change.

I can feel it. We are on the precipice of friendship. It's getting there, but not quite yet. But I know this co-parent deal will work out once we figure it out.

She did notice Kat's little reaction earlier, but Allie didn't say anything about it. Kat and my dad don't particularly like one another, and though the house belongs to my dad, she is trying to have him stay at a hotel for their visit.

She's going through her own issues at the moment, so I'll give her a break on it. But whether or not she's there tonight, I'm telling my dad and Jen about Jadon. They'll be ecstatic. Jen never had kids of her own but has mentioned before how she looks forward to spoiling my kids.

At the house, Allie left me with Jadon while she went to shower and pack for her trip with Ted. I still think it's a terrible idea for her to leave in the midst of this, but she seems to think it's fine. I guess if she wants to spend time with him over our son, who am I to say anything?

Jadon's engrossed in some train show while flipping through the pages of a book, so I take the opportunity I have now before her boyfriend comes over. Maybe see if she's really set on leaving tonight.

I've come up here a couple of times and caught Allie and Jadon brushing their teeth. They have a little game where he sits on the counter and brushes his teeth the same way she does but they make faces at one another. This morning they were brushing one another's teeth making sure to get all the "bugs" out.

I've not seen the inside of her room before, and I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it's comfortable-looking. Cream and a leafy green color with black accents. It's relaxing. She has white framed pictures with motivational words and an odd print of a llama.

She's holding up two different dresses in front of a mirror when she sees me. "What's so funny?"

"I don't know if I'm more surprised by the green, the llama, or the fact that you can stand to be in the same room as me and not throw a half-assed insult my way."

"Oh."

Well, I had hoped for more of a reaction. She turns to keep switching between the dresses. One is red and way too short for a mother to wear out with some guy named Ted. Honest opinion. The other is black and is also too short.

She has a small desk with a chair, and I take a seat when she doesn't yell at me to get out. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she sighs and switches between those dresses with an eye closed. Her hair is in curlers on her head which I didn't realize women still did to their hair.

She's in a robe and I can't help but notice it. I'm a dude and that robe is thin black material. I can see each curve under the fabric.

Allie isn't wearing anything underneath that robe.

Her body whips around and my eyes snap back up to her face. "Which one should I wear?"

Neither. She should stay here when Jadon inevitably hates the news and wants her. "It might get cold," I say. "Maybe you should wear something more comfortable like a sweater."

"It's June," she narrows her eyes at me. "I don't need a sweater. It's going to be hot." She shakes her head and grabs a third dress I didn't see before that's even shorter and has nothing to hold it up from the top. It's the kind of dress that isn't a dress. "What about..."

"The red one." It was the longest and most appropriate for her to wear. Plus, I can see from the hanger it is the least accessible as far as bare tit grabs go.

She holds the red one up to her chest while she does whatever visualization she needs to do. "Okay. Red it is."

"So you're still dead set on going tonight?"

"Yeah," she hangs the other dresses back up in her closet. "Why? Are you worried?"

Terrified. "No. But maybe he'll take it the wrong way and then only want you."

She lays that red dress down on her bed and tightens her robe. "You're killing me, you know that? Here we are, and I was the one that didn't want some deadbeat coming in and out of his life and you're worried about whether or not a four-year-old is going to like you when he gets excited over your high fives."

I don't know what to say to that, but she moves past me and toward the hallway.

"Allie, what are you doing?"

"Jadon!" Allie calls him from the top of the stairs. "Come here please!"

We hear his fast feet hit the floor while he races upstairs. I'm shaking. My stomach is full of butterflies or bubbles or something. Knots. That's what they are.

"Are you sure about this?"

Allie, confident as can be with curlers in her hair and half of her face made up, smiles at me. "You keep pushing for this. Why are you so nervous?"

"I don't know, is it right?"

"Yes, Lucas, it's right. Or would you rather he not know and figure it out on his own? Or what if he thinks you're just the weird old guy that hangs out with him?" She laughs like it's the best damn joke she's ever heard and Jadon clears the stairs and finds us.

"Bedroom, please. Go sit on your bed."

He jumps and pretends to be a superhero flying through the hallway and into his room.

It's happening. It's real.

And I can't move. He's in there waiting and his life is about to change. What if he doesn't like me enough as his dad?

"Oh, come on," Allie takes my hand and pulls me along. It's comforting and her hands are soft in mine. If it bothers her when I squeeze hers back, she doesn't say anything.

He's sitting on his bed patiently waiting with a dinosaur in his hands and Allie doesn't try to pull away from me as we get closer.

"Hey Jadon," she guides us down into kneeling in front of him. This feels awkward. We're at his level but I feel lower than him. But her thumb moves across my knuckles and calms me down.

"Remember your friend Angelo from that playgroup?"

He nods as a small child does.

"Remember how he didn't have a mommy but he did have a daddy? Roland?"

Who the fuck is Roland?

"Yessss..."

"Well, remember when you wanted to trade so you knew what it was like to have a daddy?"

God, really?

"Uhuhhhh," his eyes move between the two of us.

"Well, Roland and I didn't trade places but that's because you do have a daddy. He just needed to be away for a while."

He squints his eyes at me. It's cute, it really is. Maybe he's not going to hate this like I'm suddenly feeling.

She puts another hand on my back while squeezing my hand still with her other. "Lucas is actually your daddy, baby. He had to be gone for a while and he's here now to be with you."

There it is.

And without the resentment and rage I expected, Jadon's toothy smile is the most beautiful thing I've seen yet. He knows and he's happy about it.

He leaps off his bed and straight to me, wrapping his limbs around me like a monkey. Allie lets go of my hand so I can hold him. Jadon doesn't make a sound but just squeezes me around the neck.

From the corner of my eye, she's holding her phone up taking pictures.

When she finishes, Allie sits on his bed and faces us. She's got tears in her eyes, and I notice her fidgeting with her hands. It's my turn to take her hands while I hold him. Her hands relax, and something just feels so right about this moment here.

"Daddy."

Shit, that feels good to hear.

"Yeah, buddy."

Tom comes in eventually and Jadon is over the moment when he runs to go help Tom with dinner.

"I'm sorry."

My brows pull together. "You're sorry?"

"I should have told you. I had your profiles right there. I could have reached out and I didn't. I was just... I was so angry, Lucas, and I just knew you would turn out to be one of those assholes, you know?"

The knots are back, but they're in my chest now.

"I had you pegged for the guy on the football team who slept around and wouldn't care enough to be around. I'm sorry."

"Hey, no," I sit beside her. My hand goes to her back. This robe is soft. "Don't be like that, Allie."

"It's just that I could have said something and you would have," she's wiping those eyes and fucking up her makeup. Maybe she'll stay. "You would have been there. I just... I should have." She's sobbing, and I know she feels horrible, but I don't blame her.

"Listen," I test a hand around her shoulder. When she doesn't fight that one off, I pull her in close. She leans into my chest and those curlers hit my face, but they don't hurt.

But, damn does her hair smell good.

"You did what you had to do. I know the circumstances were shit, but we're going to figure this out. Okay?"

"Okay."

We sit there for a few minutes until we hear the door open and Jadon screams Ted's arrival.

Allie sighs. "Guess I'll go finish getting ready." She sits up and I'm ashamed to admit this to myself, but I just don't want her to go. Jadon is fine, but I'm not.

I want her here, but that's selfish.

"Right. Guess I'll go meet Ted." I swallow every word I want to come out and instead watch her walk back to her room and shut the door.

Downstairs, Jadon is in his arms telling him about meeting his daddy. Ted doesn't know and looks skeptical. "Is that so?" he asks Jadon. "Who did she say was your daddy?"

"Hi," I tell him and Ted's blonde head whips in my direction. His eyes crinkle around the sides while he takes me in.

"Who are you?"

In the spirit of not wanting to piss Allie off after we had a day of real interactions, I hold out a hand to him. He takes it. "Lucas. I'm Jadon's father. You must be Ted."