Allie

I had to request a ride home on an app.

My birthday was one entire day of peaks and valleys.

I don't know if that's considered breaking up or not on a technical front, but he left me on my own an hour away from home.

I didn't want to be rude, but the driver kept trying to make small talk that I wasn't in the mood for. I gave him a big tip, hoping it would make up for my lack of response to his questions.

Dad was up waiting for me when I got home. He was curious at first, like he was expecting something, and then grabbed me before I dropped.

Ted is supposed to love me. All those years waiting for him and he just left me in the dark like that. I'm not a perfect person but really?

"He's not allowed over here again, Allie. I don't care what happened. He shouldn't have done that. For Christ's sake, you're wearing heels and someone could have nabbed you."

He didn't try to press anymore after that when I went up to bed. Lucas called a few hours ago, probably to talk to Jadon. I'm sure he remembered I was out and called my dad instead to say goodnight.

I waited until my dad went to bed before I got up and did the thing I do on bad days. I check on Jadon.

His leg is hanging off his bed and he's drooling all over the pillow. He has the dinosaur bottoms on and his puppy firefighter shirt on. Typical.

My phone lights up and I see my... is he still my boyfriend? He shouldn't be.

Well, he's calling.

I'm not going to answer right now. I'm just going to watch Jadon for a bit...

"Mommy?"

Shit, I must have fallen asleep. "Yeah, baby."

Oh, my back. Good grief, that was a mistake.

"Did you sleep in here?"

His investigative skills are on point. "Yeah, sorry," I remember something about reading one of his books and must have fallen asleep.

Wow, I look like a top-notch kind of parent right now. Go me.

"Jadon, why don't you go see if grandpa is up."

His feet hit the floor and he's gone before I even open my eyes. I'll need to make breakfast but I just need a minute.

And some Ibuprofen.

The morning goes by slowly and I know Lucas is coming to get us. Truthfully, I'm not up for it, and Lucas is the last person I should talk to about my boyfriend kicking me out of his car.

But I'm not ruining Jadon's first holiday with his dad.

Jadon's high-pitched "Daddy!" screech downstairs tells me all I need to know before I make my first appearance.

Right. Well, what do I care if I'm doing a false kind of walk of shame in my house wearing the same dress I wore on my date? Never mind, I don't want to talk about it. I have shorts already picked out for today and a plain blue t-shirt.

I couldn't say if my dad told Lucas anything. He's known for talking about some of my personal stuff to his coaching staff, but I'm not sure about Lucas. But Lucas looks unbothered and in a particularly good mood, so maybe he doesn't know.

"There she is," his bright, perfect smile is a subtle reminder that Lucas Kennedy is, without a doubt, a Greek god statue kind of man. I hate to talk like that and objectify him, but it's the undeniable truth.

He has a paper cup in his hand from my favorite cafe. "Thank you, Lucas."

I don't care if it's hot out. I like hot chocolate any time of the year. Lucas follows me into the kitchen. I can hear dad watching the Saturday morning news while Jadon is undoubtedly trying to decipher the comic strips in the newspaper by his feet.

"How'd it go last night?" He's peeking around my shoulder like a weird stalker.

"Lucas, what are you doing?" He's inches away from me, looking down.

"Oh, sorry." He pivots and leans against the counter while I get ready to make...

It's going to be quinoa today. There's some fruit I can add to it for Jadon.

"You look tired."

"I got in late." Sixty-five dollars to get home, but I made it before midnight. Not that that part matters.

"Are you alright?"

I get the pot ready and start Jadon's breakfast. "I'm fine," I fake a smile. "How are you? How are things with Katrina?"

His face drops. "I told you, Allie, I just need some time."

"Lucas, it's fine. I wasn't waiting for you to do that. I know you've known each other for a while. You really don't owe me an explanation or anything. So how are things? She's still into the modeling thing?"

"I guess. She's posing for some shoot or something, but I think her dad is paying for it."

In other words, it's a hobby and not a job and she's just getting pictures of herself. Well, I don't have their kind of money, but hey, I have a terrific dental plan.

Officially, I am a bore.

"Well, that sounds like fun. I hope her portfolio turns out great." I reach for an apple to start cutting up and Lucas grabs my hand and inspects it. "What the hell are you doing?"

He releases it and goes back to leaning against the counter. "Nothing. So you had a good time?"

I get it. We're friends now. This is what friends do in our situation. "No, and I really don't want to talk about it right now, so can we just drop it for today?"

"Oh. Were you expecting anything to happen last night?"

Other than not being left curbside in front of a restaurant? "Nothing comes to mind. Did I miss something?"

"No. I was just wondering." He's fairly relaxed after his weird minute. The rest of the morning goes by with the ease of our new normal. Lucas is his semi-usual charming self and, dammit, in a particularly upbeat mood.

He offers to drive us all to his friend's barbecue, but my dad decides to take his own car instead. Says he wants to get home before the "drunkies" decide to drive.

It's not on the same side of the lake where Lucas and I met, but it's still nice. And then there's Lucas. In board shorts and a tank top that just don't leave anything to the imagination.

And of course, he looks nice. Fine. I can see that perfect, muscular–

"There he is!" Some guy shouts.

He's equally good-looking, but also just not. Lucas is God's gift to women with functioning eyes. Also, I happen to know what he looks like without a shirt on and it's the kind of view that would have a nun consider breaking her vows.

"Joel!" Lucas goes up to him and they bro-hug one another.

"Man, introduce me to the fam." Ew. He's one of those guys.

He walks up and this Joel person looks vaguely familiar. His eyes meet mine and for a second, I hope he doesn't have the same memory I do. "Allie?"

I should stop hoping for things. "Hi, Joel."

"How do you two know each other?"

Jadon and my dad come up from behind us. "Allie and I kissed once. A long time ago," he laughs it off. "What a small world. I didn't even put it together. Not that I knew your last name."

Did I miss when Lucas said my full name?

Also, damn Charity and her need to drag me to that stupid camp with her every summer. She was the one that liked him and dared me to kiss him thinking he would realize he was in love with her.

She'll love this, I'm sure. Not.

"Haven't seen you since we were, what? Twelve?"

Lucas' friend is admitting to having kissed me when I was twelve in front of not only Lucas but my son and father. Awesome.

"You two kissed?" Lucas looks between us.

"Church camp, bro. My parents forced me after the graffiti incident. Anyway," Joel grins at me. "How's Charity?"

"Oh, she's just peachy." My day just improved immensely. She'll freak out and scream. I don't know what happened between them but I know there's a story there. One that makes her break whatever objects are in her hands.

Joel must be one of those guys that causes trouble but you don't know it until it's too late. "This must be Jadon." He kneels down and pulls a sucker from his pocket. "I hear you're plant-based. Me too. Here you go, it's rabbit approved."

My dad steps up. "Tom. Nice to meet you..."

"Shoot, sorry, "Lucas takes his eyes off me. I didn't realize he was watching me. "Tom, this is Joel. My best friend and this is his place."

Dad and Joel shake hands and it's weird but it could be worse right now. "Nice to meet you, sir, I hear you like to fish."

If my dad holding up his fishing pole isn't obvious enough, I don't know what else is. Maybe the fisherman hat he and Jadon are both wearing.

"Sure do. Where can I set up?"

***

There are quite a few people here. People from Lucas' high school. I don't know any of them at all. My dad is trying to be helpful and has been out on Joel's boat with Jadon and Joel for the last hour while Lucas has introduced me to the millions of friends he has.

They are all friendly and nice, but I see the misdirected jealousy. I can feel it in the girls that are here.

"This is Allie. We have a son, Jadon, over there." With one arm around my shoulders, he points over to the boat. He's really playing up the "we have a kid" thing. I mean, makes sense I suppose.

I was under the impression this was a smaller gathering but that means fifty or more in Lucas speak. I won't complain. Jadon is having fun and Lucas hasn't left my side. Plus, it's a good distraction.

One of Lucas' friends is on the grill and calls Lucas over. "You mind grabbing some more drinks? We're already out."

"Yeah, no problem. Allie, you want to come?"

Jadon and dad will be out there all afternoon...

Stay here and get death glares from probably some of Kat's friends, or go to the store with Lucas? "Sure."

Lucas is standing over by a tower of soda cases, and I can't help but notice how every woman in close proximity is suddenly at attention. Seriously, is he the god of women or something? I swear it's like he's walking past them and their nipples are suddenly drilling holes in their bras, screaming for Lucas freaking Kennedy to touch them.

I think they call this projecting, and I'm too stubborn to admit it.

Eight. There are eight women giving off every possible pheromone trying to attract his attention while he bends down to pick up a case of soda.

Yeah, I'm looking too. Sue me.

Two of these girls I went to high school with and distinctly remember them aiming high on the "bitch scale."

They're all ten seconds away from drooling or lifting up their skirts to prove that Lucas Kennedy, in fact, does have the proverbial "panty melting" gene.

Why is he like this?

Why is it that this remarkably beautiful piece of ass he has in board shorts just makes me want to touch? I don't know, he's just a good distraction.

Also a friend. Remember that.

But I can't help but wonder what he or I did to end up in this situation. I'm not playing the "I'm ugly and nobody loves me" card. I'm not. It's just that there's a difference.

There are women who just know things. They know how to just be sexual goddesses. They are well-versed in the world of seduction and bright red lipstick and look flawless. The kind of woman Lucas is with.

There are the rest of us who are also beautiful but with less makeup and sheer confidence. I mean, when I walk into a room, I have this subconscious need to make sure there's nothing on my face.

But what I wouldn't give to be able to walk into a bar or something, sit down beside a man, and then just be sexy. But I can't pull it off. It isn't me.

It would just be nice for a change. Just one day.

These women are raping him with their laser-focused eyes while he—god, he's bent over again. He's bending down maybe grabbing something. I don't know, I can't tell.

The way he fits so perfectly in everything he wears. The way those shoulders move with every tight muscle in his body, or the way they felt when he guided me to hold them that night we met.

I still think about it sometimes.

He can never, ever know about that.

Holy crap, Allie, way to objectify the father of your son. Again. You're a freaking pervert. Also, you just said you wouldn't objectify him.

I turn my back to him and try to remember where we are. I don't need to look at those women anymore. They're probably rubbing themselves against the nearest hard object trying to spread their natural sex scent. I don't know, I'm no expert, but I can't help it if I suddenly want to grab hold of him and keep him for myself.

I'm sick. That's what this is. I am deranged, somehow.

No, I know what it is. I'm at a point in my life where I should be having lots of sex and have been keeping myself cooped up because I made myself promise not to give it up so easily and end up with another child on my own.

Maybe Charity was right. I should consider that thing she sent me. I'll just lose the fear and try it out. Tonight. I'll wait until I know everyone's asleep and I'll try it myself.

Won't be too bad, right?

"Do you always mumble to yourself?"

My soul definitely left my body and the jolt sent me backward into Lucas' hard chest.

I need to get out of here. I feel hot. Feverish.

Lucas is watching me, obviously waiting for an answer while I'm standing here trying to figure out when he took hold of my wrist and why I want to make a show of it in front of the eight floozies behind us.

I can't mark territory that isn't mine and I'm certainly not marking territory with Lucas. No.

Too much.

"Allie?"

"Right, um, I was just... making a mental note for..." I locate the nearest object. "Bendy straws."

"Oh." He leans over and grabs a pack from the shelf and I see his chest through the side of his shirt. "Here." He smirks like the devil he is. "Now you don't have to get them. Anything else? I don't mind doing this. There were more people than I expected there today."

"Is there anything else you need?"

The store is busy and jam-packed. The lines are already long, so we'll be here a while. "Yeah, come on." He pushes the cart forward.

I can feel the sets of eyes on him as we walk. Doesn't he?

"So tell me," he leans on the cart and his shoulders flex. I'm going to die, aren't I? "Have you used it yet?"

"Used what?"

He winks and I freaking know it. Does he know I was thinking about that? "No."

"Oh, come on, Allie, you should try it. Ted not inspiring enough to spark any kind of need?"

Did he really just ask that? In the grocery store?

"You need help getting the juices flowing?"

"You're in a relationship."

"No, I have a live-in complainer that I haven't spoken to in days. There's a difference."

That's news. "What do you mean?"

"I told you. I'm waiting to end things. I just have to take care of something."

"Why not just kick her out if you don't want to be with her?"

He turns down the next aisle. "How is it that you've been with Ted all this time and you don't ever feel the need to rub one out or climb him like a tree when you see him? Is it because he's just not naturally as good-looking as me? I wouldn't blame you if that were the case."

"Lucas!"

"Just use it, Allie, and if you don't like it, I'll come to get it."

He sure knows how to flip the conversation. "You promise?"

"Yep. I'll even do it to you if that would make it better."

God, he's tempting. He leans in too close that I can feel his lips on my ear. "I thought about it last night. You don't want him, Allie. You think you do. If you did, it wouldn't be this hard, and you would be with him today, not with me. Yet here we are."

His fingers slide up the sides of my leg and my mouth goes dry. "Stop comparing yourself to every other woman out there. They're not you." There's a finger that goes just under the hem of my shorts on the inside of my thigh. "You like the idea of your childhood friend, but it's not what you want."

"You don't know what I want."

He hums in my ear and I am keenly aware of the couple on the other end of the aisle that isn't looking this way. Lucas's fingers barely touch the flesh as they go higher. "You want me, Allie. Just admit it. Again."

The couple on the other end of the aisle starts walking toward us and Lucas pushes me in front of the cart and puts his hands on the bar, caging me in. "Don't move."

He presses himself against the back of me. "Is that your... Lucas, are you–"

"Yes," he hisses. The couple walks by us and he pulls me back into him by my hip. "Hello, folks, nice weather we're having."

They smile as they pass and I know my face is red. He just did that. In public.

"Use it, Allie. I want to know if you like it or if you want something real in there."

"I don't think friends talk about these things."

"Bullshit. They do."

"You talk to Joel about being horny? Really?"

I feel that hardness soften against me. "Why the fuck did you guys kiss? And where the hell was I?"

"Truth or dare. Charity dared us to kiss. It wasn't that great."

"You picked dare, Allie?"

"I did. Once, and that was it."

He doesn't take his hand away from my hip. I probably should feel bad, but I just don't.

Ted called once last night. No message, nothing. I do agree with Lucas, though.

Maybe Ted was the idea, more so, than the reality. I'm tired of the double standard that I didn't even know existed between us. He has it out for one guy I slept with once, even though I never held his past experiences against him.

Lucas must sense my annoyance. "He doesn't deserve you, Allie. I know I don't have a lot of room to speak, but I wouldn't have done whatever it is he's done to you that's clearly upset you today. That's the difference. He doesn't appreciate what he has had all this time."

"And you wouldn't do what he did?" Because Ted did an intensified version of what he did, but Lucas still did it.

"If I were in his shoes, Allie, and I fucked up, I would be here with you, trying to make up for it. He should be making up for ghosting a girl he claims to love and whatever the fuck he said or did to you last night."

I turn to face him and don't care if anyone else is hearing it. "He kicked me out of his car in downtown Chresley after dinner. I had to order an Uber."

His face morphs into something else entirely. "He fucking left you in downtown Chresley? What the fuck? Does he know how fucking dangerous that is? And what if someone in a van pulled up and grabbed you? What then?"

Why does everyone focus on that?

"Come on," he pushes the cart forward. "Let's go spend some time with our son. We'll eat, watch fireworks, I'm going to sneak in inappropriate touches when no one is looking, and then I'll drop you off at home even if I don't get anything out of it."

He continues toward the long line while I move to walk beside him.

"Fucking Chresley. What a prick."

"Lucas?"

"Yeah." He's scowling at his phone.

"I made it home safely. I am fine."

"No, you're not. It was your damn birthday, Allie, and he kicked you out of the fucking car. I didn't do that. No, I didn't. I didn't take you away from where we were, and you had your friend still there. I didn't leave you in some strange place in the night." He shakes his head in disbelief. "Fucking asshole. Who fucking does that?"