Allie

"You're freaking out again, Allie, and it's not a good look for you if I'm being honest."

Charity is "lax" and whatever with her feet up on the fancy table in the dressing room in the historic hotel where we are trying to have a good working partnership. If the hotel manager were to walk into the mother freaking bridal suite and see her right now, we could kiss this opportunity goodbye.

As an event planner, I would think she would be a little more... well, stressed or something. Maybe just a touch over the top with the whole "getting things done today" attitude. She practically invented the "bitches get shit done" mantra.

She didn't go into this for weddings, but it's going to be in her portfolio for the higher end services she offers. It's her freaking breakout wedding in this new business and she's acting like this is her one-hundredth event she has coordinated.

My wedding.

No, while I expected her to be keeping me calm and walking around with a headset on while whisper-yelling at people for my sake, Charity is sipping champagne and eating chocolates that Lucas got for me. It's as if her world is nothing more than a relaxing day at some grand resort.

I'm hyperventilating and in desperate need of a paper bag to breathe in. I haven't been calm since she finished my hair and makeup thirty minutes ago.

Why did we say let's get married on Valentine's Day? That's the worst, cheesiest holiday we could have picked. Lucas was in a hurry, though, and applying pressure leading up to my graduation from college. After our first coordinated event at New Year, I spent all of January working on this business and planning a wedding while he sat me in his lap and teased me, speaking nonsense into my ear.

"I'm just making sure you don't forget about me. If you want me to eat your pussy, I'm right here."

I broke down three weeks ago while finishing a menu for a bat mitzvah while he teased me in bed, and before he buried his face between my legs, he said I still needed to finish putting that menu together for the mother organizing it.

He was kindly cruel that evening.

Other than his occasional distractions, my partnership with Charity and our businesses has been impressive. Since the New Year, I've had seven events—some big, some small—and enough to get my business off the ground.

Wholesome Eats. That's the name I decided on.

We're growing, and Charity and I shamefully redirected some of the spotlight from Mark's trial and the news about his recently discovered "bastard" child—me—to put Charity's event planning and my fledgling catering company on the map. Free publicity, we figured.

I saved enough from my few events to hire a few of the players from Lucas' team to help serve dinner and drinks that I finished preparing this morning. I purchased a cake, though, since I didn't have the time for that. One boy on the team likes to DJ, so we got him for cheap.

As elegant as I made this wedding, Charity and I did it on budget. My dad did give me his credit card and let me buy the dress of my dreams. He and Charity came with me to pick it out, and I don't think I've seen my father so emotional. He cried and held me in the middle of the shop while the ladies working there teared up watching us.

I was excited at the moment to pick out the dress, but also the attention frightened me a little. And now that the big day is here, I feel a heart attack coming on. Something. Something is going to happen.

Again, why Valentine's Day?

Why didn't we go with something more low key, like Groundhog Day? Or better yet, not a holiday. Why did I say let's pick a romantic freaking day in the weird last winter-ish month when it's still cold outside and people might have runny noses or a lingering cough?

Oh my gosh, they are going to get sick at my wedding and everyone is going to hate me. Someone could die.

No. No, they are not. That's the terrible voice in my head telling me these things and they will certainly not get sick. Besides, we both have small families and then there are Lucas' friends here. We're okay.

Then again, they're going to be sitting around waiting for me to entertain them. I don't know his friends well enough. They're nice, but what if they don't like me or my wedding? People are probably expecting things I never expected like a loud, outgoing bride probably and I'm just not like that. I'm not an entertainer.

They're going to be staring at me and judging me.

Gosh, I'm a headcase. Maybe instead of a flight to wherever Lucas planned for this honeymoon, he can just drop me off in a mental hospital until they tell me I'm okay to step into the light again.

It's possible I won't make it through the day. I need a hug or something and someone to offer some sort of encouraging words. I just need to know if this was the right choice rather than Lucas' Las Vegas suggestion. There would be fewer eyes on me, but I wouldn't feel comfortable walking Jadon around there.

I'll bet the weather is nice there right now, though.

"Allie, you're acting like a fucking nut. Quit rambling. You're going to be fine."

Charity sipping champagne with her ankles crossed, telling me I need to "chill" is the opposite of what I need right now. I think she's still mad because a floor-length gown was "too conservative" for her. As though I need Belinda's elderly mother seeing Charity's thigh tattoo that's just plain offensive.

It's not like I said anything about the fact she went platinum blonde two weeks ago after she demanded we design her ensemble during her red hair affair. Her bob cut platinum hair is a mood all on its own, especially with the lack of color, but I love it for her. Also, she's upset because she has to walk down the aisle with Joel. She can't stick a fake smile on for the fifteen seconds they have to have their arms linked for the sake of their two best friends getting married.

No, apparently it makes me evil. She yelled that one loud and clear in the rehearsal last night.

"You're really not helping me right now, Char, and I could use your support."

I hope Lucas makes sure Jadon is dressed. Maybe I should go check. Also, I probably should have done his hair. Lucas may not think about it and Jadon wakes up with bedhead often.

It was a rough morning for me. Jadon stayed with my dad and Lucas at the house. Joel was there, too, and they all had a boys' night. I was here with Charity and she ordered massages to end the week of hell she put me through. A beauty routine and heel practice that felt more like a tremendous pain in my ass than the excitement I was hoping for of my quickly approaching nuptials.

I cried more than I smiled the last few days because of Charity. If the woman ever uses the words "Brazilian" and "wax" in front of me ever again, I'm going to turn violent.

Back to the important stuff, though. I got to talk to Jadon on the phone and when Lucas sent me a picture of him, his hair looked like he stood in front of one of those industrial fans for an hour or two. So, yes. He needs his hair styled for today, and I'm afraid Lucas might get distracted.

Okay. I'm going to go check.

"Where the hell do you think you're going, disco ball?"

With a heavy sigh, I try to crack a smile. "I'm going to make sure Lucas has Jadon all ready to go."

"No." She swings her legs off the table and the off-shoulder maroon dress she and I compromised on flows perfectly around her. It's like it was made for her. She's beautiful in her own way, but Charity is stunning always, even when she's dressed out of her normal style.

I must look like an idiot in a silvery white. Charity said my dress was beautiful and "made for" me. It's glittery and sparkly with long sleeves like diamonds, low cut in the front, and I absolutely love it, but everyone is going to be looking at me and now I'm terrified of judgment. Charity said they'll be looking at me anyway because I'm a nervous wreck, so I may as well sparkle while they do it.

Oh my god, someone is going to go blind if I stand in front of a light. She's right; I'm a walking disco ball. Maybe we should have gone with off-white and a normal style. I wonder if it's too late to go grab another dress off the rack. In this dress, the shape of my legs is visible through the fabric. White was stupid. I shouldn't have chosen it. Isn't that for those pure people? My son is here, after all—not that I care about color normally.

Charity saunters toward me with a high arch to her brow. She's a red lipstick wearer. I mean, she wears purple and even black lipstick too, but I just mean that she's the sexy, confident type that can pull it off. I don't think I can do that. That's why my dress was a mistake. It's too sexy.

"You're going to stay in here and have some champagne." She turns me by the shoulders and marches us back to the middle of the room. "Sit down and breathe."

She hands me a champagne flute I left sitting on the table when she first poured it for me. Charity forces me onto the lounger and grabs her clutch, digging through it. "Here."

She hands me a piece of candy in the wrapper. I don't need candy or sugar. I need today to be over with. "What is this?" I stare at the wrapper and notice a weird symbol on it.

"Just a little thing to help you—"

"Oh god, is this a marijuana? Charity!"

She throws her head back in a cackle. "Did you just say—never mind. Oh hell, Allie, this is why I keep you around." She pins me with a glare while I sip the champagne, careful not to mess up the mauve lips she painted on me. "You're perfect in the dress, and today is going to go as planned. But if you think for one second you're going to go over to that room down the hall and give yourself bad luck, you're dumber than I thought you were."

She's the best friend anyone could ask for and when her laughter dies down, I forget why I was freaking out in the first place, but then that guilt over her brother resonates. Yeah, Ted made mistakes and I'm not in a place where I can forgive him for his actions. But that's her big brother, and it can't be easy for her when she goes to see him.

"Charity?"

She snorts while taking her freaking weed candy from my hand and stuffs it into her bra. "Yeah?"

"You know I care about you, right?"

She rolls her eyes and takes a seat beside me. Taking my hands in hers, Charity kisses my knuckles and sets them down in my lap. "Don't do this again. He made his choices, Allie. Money is a dangerous tool and they can buy only fools' souls with it. What happened and what he's going through is his fault, not yours."

"I just don't want you to feel you're choosing between us. I know it's stupid and I'm not asking you to, but it's hard. But I'm so glad to always have you, even if you freak me out sometimes."

She smiles behind her lipstick that matches her dress, and we both laugh.

"Allie," she reaches for my phone on the table and holds it up for me. "You're going to be fine. Everything is in perfect working order, which is why I'm telling you to calm your tits. The kid is dressed and ready. The flowers and everything are all arranged perfectly. I saw them this morning, and the florist did an amazing job. I slipped her card in Lucas' hand earlier and told him to get you fucking flowers on Fridays from now on. He laughed and called it the triple f."

"Triple f?"

"Fucking, Flowers, and Friday."

How poetic. "He forgot he has football games on Fridays, but okay. Whatever makes you weird people laugh, I suppose."

"If you need to, you can call him, but you will not risk bad luck just because you're neurotic."

Me? Neurotic?

Lucas answers on the first ring.

"Allie." There's a hint of mischief in his tone that I'm not sure about. "Isn't this bad luck? Would hate for the last few months of torture to go down the toilet because of a single phone call."

"Please tell me Jadon is ready, and you combed his hair."

"Eh, we just shaved it and Joel got him one of those tuxedo t-shirts instead, since that was more his vibe. Also, we pawned the rings for a samurai sword. It's all good now because you know I'll protect you from home intruders."

I blink, and Charity snickers beside me. "Lucas."

"Relax, Allie, he's dressed. Joel has the rings, and he's setting them in the little satin pillow thing. Your dad just finished helping Jadon get dressed while mine is trying to stop getting overly emotional. We are all good and ready for this shindig to start and also..." Lucas lowers his voice. "Did you get my present?"

I search the room for a gift but don't notice anything. "What present?"

"Check outside your door."

Charity jumps to her feet and rushes to the door. "Oh, Lucas fucking Kennedy. What did you get her, you naughty man?" Charity digs in and pulls out a pair of black pumps that are more her style. I couldn't wear them because I'm not one of those girls.

"Lucas, I don't know about those shoes." The heels look like they could stab someone in the eye.

"You're walking around in the same damn shoes, different color. You can wear those."

Charity digs in the bag again and I see a definite hell no coming out of it. "Lucas!"

"Damn, Allie!" Charity gapes at the thing. "You know what? If you don't want it, I'll wear it. Lucas can even look if he wants, since he paid for it. No touching, though."

"It's fine, Charity," Lucas says. "She'll wear it tomorrow."

"Damn," she shakes her head and I just feel at a loss.

"I hope we're going somewhere no one will know us, Lucas. I would be mortified if someone saw me in that." If anything, he will probably make me wear it in private. He won't tell me where this destination honeymoon is, but I'm hoping it is far away and free from civilization, so no one will see me in that thing that is definitely not made for the likes of me.

"You're going to wear it tomorrow night and you'll find out why they call me Lucas fucking Kennedy."

"Lucas! Jadon and my dad are right there with you!"

"No one can hear me, Allie. Calm yourself."

"You and Charity, I swear. Maybe we should switch partners like those swing dancers. Joel and I are the reasonable ones here."

"We're not partners, Allie! Stop shipping me with the asshole!"

Lucas laughs on the other end. "You're not going anywhere." I can hear that Lucas Kennedy confidence oozing from his voice. "There's something in that bag for you for today, though."

I dig into the bag until I see a small black velvet pouch with the top cinched. "What's this?"

"Something old. Or borrowed. If you need one."

There's a delicate silver chain inside with a simple diamond pendant at the bottom. "This is beautiful. Who am I borrowing it from?"

"It was my mom's," he says. "My dad gave it to her as a wedding present and I'm giving it to you. I guess that means something old then, since you are keeping it."

There's an ache in my chest I only get on special occasions. I never got to have a mom there for the major events in my life or even just the everyday mundane things. Belinda is terrific and I'm happy my dad has her, but sometimes I wish my mom were here. Lucas' too.

"Allie? Are you alright?"

I can barely contain the tears and nearly choke, but I hold them down. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"You want me to come see you?"

He's too sweet and knows it. "No. The necklace is beautiful, Lucas. Thank you." I glance at the time. We have an hour before we need to be down in the garden. "I can't wait to see you."

Lucas is quiet on the other end for a few beats until there's a knock on the door. "You think you can open the door and find my hand without seeing me?"

"Allie, quit crying. You'll mess up your makeup." Charity takes my phone and the necklace for me while I hurry to crack open the door.

"Mommy, let me in."

Charity holds my dress up for me while I open the door wide enough for Jadon to slip through. His little black suit and silver bowtie look perfect, and he should be a tiny version of his father.

When he looks up at me, he croons and I sob.

"How does your mom look, buddy?" Lucas asks from the other side of the door.

Jadon rushes forward, wrapping his arms around my legs. "So pretty, but she's crying."

He says that, but then Jadon wipes his own tears away. Charity helps me kneel down to his level. He might get mad at me one day for not having Lucas in our lives sooner, maybe not. He hasn't really said anything about Ted since everything happened, so that door seems to be closed for him, thankfully. All this time, I have tried to remind myself that he's the reason we're here. He could have been more challenging, but just isn't. He's easygoing with lots of energy.

"Come on, Jadon," Charity says. "Let's give them a minute."

I notice his hair is combed and styled to the side. "Thank you for making sure he was ready, Lucas."

With my fingers around the door, he takes them and links them with his own. "Hi."

If there's a word for laughing and sobbing at the same time, that would be me at this moment. "Hi."

"I was thinking about something today. I know the wedding doesn't really matter, it's just some expensive party, but I'm so grateful, Allie, that you'll be walking down that aisle toward me."

"It's never felt so right, Lucas." And I mean that.

His thumb slowly swipes across each of my knuckles, and I lean my head harder against the door.

"Listen, Allie. I just wanted to let you know that this changes nothing between you and me. We're still the same, but I know marriage was important to you. If I know you at all, you need to stop freaking out about people watching you, though."

He truly knows me.

"It's the last step for us, you know? There won't be anything standing between us anymore. No boyfriends or girlfriends." Lucas squeezes my fingers. "No withholding sex anymore. That's just rude at this point, and Jadon needs like twelve siblings, so we have to get started on that immediately after you say 'I do.'"

I ignore that last part. "Are you mad about waiting?" As hard as it was, and he liked to tease, he was respectful of my wishes almost to a fault.

"No." I can imagine the smile on his face now, by the tone of his voice. "It was a simple request. I'll give you whatever you want, Allie. I can't buy you some mansion or fancy car when the seasons change, or surprise you with a trip to Rome on a whim, but those aren't things we want. We're simple, Allie, and that kind of sacrifice was nothing, so don't feel bad about it, because you're worth waiting for."

I might cry all over again. "You love me because I'm the economical choice?"

Lucas laughs, and I smile, wishing the ceremony would just get here already. "I love you because you're you. But don't think I haven't arranged our private escape after the ceremony. Charity said you're wearing your something blue and I'm going to find out what it is."

My cheeks burn at his words and then my dad's voice nearly sends me into a panic.

"Alright, Lucas. Back to your side of the hall. Go fix your hair; you messed it up already."

Lucas squeezes my fingers one last time before he lets go. I push off the floor and stand up on my own.

"Just talking to my bride, Tom."

"You have forty minutes left of your nonsense before you need to be serious. Go spend it with Joel and leave my daughter alone. You've corrupted her enough. Don't ruin the wedding day."