Rowan's POV:

Elijah Scott.

I did not know who he was, yet the words I'd written in my journal told me I did.

Two times would have been a coincidence.

But three...?

I now had three journal entries written about someone whose face was vacant from my mind, and I wanted to know why. It didn't help that my brain was a merciless tease, consistently driving memory lane despite all my efforts to steer it in the right direction.

Hope, however, wasn't lost. I did have something to go off of. Even if it was only a half-smile that could stop a train in its tracks and eyes that held depth beyond their years. I also knew we'd seen each other at the cemetery, a meeting I was still pondering on. It wasn't every day that you ran into someone you knew there. It wasn't every day that I felt the need to write about it.

I needed to meet him.

I needed to know him...Elijah...the person who could make me feel something more than dejection every time my eyes scanned the ghost of his name on a page.

The person who for reason beyond me made me feel hopeful. A sentiment that was just as exhilarating as it was terrifying.

"So you want me to tell you when I see him, and you are going to handle everything from there?"

"Right," I replied, setting down the bag of paper plates I had just grabbed from the kitchen.

I flexed my hand, glancing around the room to see what else needed to be done. Skylar and I were both at Hayden's, helping him set up for the soccer gathering he was hosting. I had never known that a single event could need so much food. But according to Hayden, the soccer team could clear out an entire store.

She nodded once to herself, before turning to grab a case of water bottles from the floor, and setting it on the table.

It had taken me a lot of courage to show her what I had written that morning, but I knew that my goal couldn't be reached on my own. I needed help.

In a strange way, it was as odd as it was intriguing to see the reappearing descriptions of the guy I obviously knew, but couldn't remember. Between Skylar's constant reminders and the things I'd written, I was determined to find out why he had caught my attention in the first place.

I needed any clues that would help me remember.

Wordlessly I glanced at Skylar as she disappeared into the kitchen before coming back out with an array of bagged snacks in her hands.

"So," she started, placing the items onto the table and arranging containers in a line. "Are you excited?"

I raised an eyebrow. "More like nervous." I ran a hand through my hair, satisfied to find that it was not all frizzy from the dry but humid air. "Plus we don't even know if he is going to show up."

Skylar shook her head, opening a bag of pretzels and pouring them into a blue bowl. "Don't worry. Hayden said the whole team was coming."

I nodded, still knowledgeable of the truth that spontaneous events could keep him from attending. Yet I was holding on to the hope that no such thing would happen.

"Are you sure that this is the best way to do this, though?" Skylar questioned, as she began to pour a plethora of snacks into their respective compartments.

I raised a shoulder.

"I am not sure at all. But for the first time in a long time, I actually want to give it a try."

She smiled softly.

"I know, and I am so proud of you for that. But, what I meant is, are you sure that you don't just want to tell him?"

I thought about her question for a minute.

Was I Sure?

While our current plan would allow me to get to know Elijah without telling him about my minor issue was tedious, it allowed for a sense of normalcy to be maintained. Or at least as close to normal as I could get.

"Yes, I'm sure. I don't want my issues impeding anything."

Whenever I tried to explain to people what was wrong with me, they acted like it was too much for them to handle. As if my difficulties weighed them down. What I knew, though, was that somehow he had filled over five pages in my journal, in all of two days. What I had read had made me almost feel normal, despite my irregularity. I would not give that up. I mean to anyone else that may sound crazy, but the best things in life are sometimes the things that other people don't understand.

I didn't even know who I was really.

"Well, I definitely support that then. Although, I think he would like you for all of you and not just parts of you," Skylar added pointedly." I will say to be careful though. Elijah isn't really known for long-lasting relationships."

I cocked my head, my interest piquing even though the last thing on my mind was starting a relationship. I just simply wanted to know what it was that had made me think he was important enough to keep writing down. I mean yes he was gorgeous, but I knew it had to have been more than that.

Or maybe my past self had just been feeling very shallow that morning.

"How so?"

"Well, it isn't that he gets around," she started slowly with a thoughtful expression. "It is that he doesn't. Which is...pretty interesting for a guy who looks like that."

I sent her a dubious look. "Not all guys attractive guys get around."

"Oh, I know." Skylar shot me a cheeky grin. "But it is also the fact that half the population of girls on this campus throw themselves at him, and he doesn't even spare a glance. There are only two viable options. Either he doesn't swing for our team or he is a nun in training."

I paused, deciding not to tell her that for a guy, the proper title would be a monk and not a nun.

"Or he isn't looking to date around and is waiting for a connection with someone," I added, rationally.

Skylar just winked. "Maybe, but the other two options are more fun to imagine."

An amused chuckle fell from my lips as I shook my head. "Well, whatever the reason is-"

"Or maybe he is secretly an undercover agent, and he isn't allowed to date any of the girls on campus because it is against regulation," she added abruptly, cutting me off.

I blinked, watching as my delusional best friend continued to arrange plastic cutlery on the table, casually. As if I had just misheard the words that had come out of her mouth.

"Skylar, I hate to break it to you but that is highly unlikely."

My words didn't seem to phase her and she shrugged.

"It could happen you know. Just think about it. If that was the case your romance could be like a story." An excited sparkle gleamed in her eyes "I can see it now. You will cause him to breach regulation with a steamy concoction of events following. Then he will fall madly in love with you and have to quit his job because he realizes that a life without you is completely unbearable."

"Skylar-"

"And that you had him at hello."

I raised an eyebrow. "Did you really just make that reference?"

"Oh I did, and I am going to own it."

It was hard for even Skylar not to chuckle humorously, amusement getting the best of my practicality.

"Right because things like that just happen to random people like me."

"It could. Fairy tales aren't just for the well-off. Us peasants can have them too."

"Speak for yourself I am no peasant." I laughed when she scrunched her nose in mockery. "But unfortunately...or fortunately I don't think this is going to be some cheesy love story."

She looked up, wiggling her eyebrows, and waving a plastic fork at me.

"It could be."

"It isn't."

"You never know."

I just rolled my eyes, a smile still playing on my mouth. With the imagination she harbored, along with her optimism, there was no way I would end up with the final say on the matter.

"As I was saying before..." I started slowly, pausing momentarily to make sure that she wasn't going to add in another crazy hypothesis for Elijah's single status. "No matter what the reason is for why he doesn't date, I am not looking to start a relationship. I just want to be friends."

"Uh-huh. You just want to be friends, with the gorgeous hunk of a man, who is the one person to get your lady bits all in a twist, in an extremely long time?" Skylar deadpanned. "I'm not buying it."

I scrunched up my nose. "First off, please don't refer to it as my lady bits, that makes them sound all old and wrinkly."

She laughed at that. "Yeah, you are right. But that is beside the point."

"I'm just not looking for a relationship right now. I've got too many issues going on. I am a literal walking issue."

She stopped and gave me a long look, her eyebrows furrowing as if I had offended her.

"Rowan, you are not an issue. And if you just want to be friends with him, I respect that."

I nodded. I couldn't exactly have a relationship with someone I couldn't seem to remember anyway. "So you will help me?"

She looked at me with a confused expression.

"Yes, Chica. I already agreed to it. There is no way to back out now."

I let out the breath I had been holding, extremely relieved. "Thank you. Your help means a lot to me."

"I am with you to the end, sister."

"You know this isn't a life or death situation, right? " I chuckled, at the serious expression on her face.

"I know, this just seems kind of like you know a top-secret mission. It is kind of exciting. You are the mysterious girl, trying to hide your true identity from the hot guy and all."

She definitely got an A-plus for dramatism.

"If you say so. I think that you need to lay off of the rom-com though," I laughed, just as Hayden emerged from his Kitchen and started walking over.

"Gosh, I can't wait until this is over," he sighed.

It was clear in his face that he would indeed rather be doing anything else. I got it really. Sometimes it was more freeing to hang out with a few close friends, rather than with a bunch of people who didn't really know you. Or didn't care to know you.

While Hayden was close to his teammates, these things tended to draw more people than just the guys on the team. Whenever I went to one in the past with him and Skylar I usually dipped before that happened.

I smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, it will be fun." I paused when they both turned slowly, looking at me as if I had grown two heads. "What?"

"Did I just hear the F-word come out of your mouth?"

I shook my head in bewilderment as Sklar's sparkling eyes widened.

"No, I said fun."

"There it is again," Skylar shrieked, grinning. I glared at them both when I caught on.

"Hilarious guys. Don't act as if I have never had fun before."

"No offense Rowan, but you're always no play, and only work," Hayden said, with an unapologetic smirk. If he wasn't usually so darn sweet I would have stuck my tongue out of him.

Definitly the most mature option for a situation like this.

"He's right. This Elijah guy has already got you acting like a new person." I glanced at Skylar, who sent me a soft smile. I would have denied her words if she hadn't looked so darn sweet.

"Elijah?" Hayden questioned. "As in, Elijah Scott? I didn't know you knew him." His eyes widened as soon as he said it, and he glanced at me apologetically. "Or well..." Hayden trailed off, and I saved him from his misery.

"I don't remember him," I said with a smile, letting him know I wasn't upset. "I just wrote about him. I barely know him-"

"But she wants to get to know him," Skylar said enthusiastically. "Our girl is a changed woman"

"Whatever," I huffed, a faint smile on my lips. I walked away from the grinning pair, placing the cups on a nearby table, pointing back at them, and walking backward to Hayden's kitchen counter. "And I know how to have fun." They both shook their heads in amusement.

I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness as we finished setting everything up for when people arrived. It wasn't that I was against fun, it's just that I always felt like it was useless if I would not remember it. I felt like to only experience it on paper was like being cheated on life. Tonight however was different.

Ignoring the perturbed feeling in my chest, I finished setting out the rest of the drinks and snacks, just as there was a knock at the door. My heart jumped as I looked at Skylar, and she sent me a smile and a thumbs up.

I was disappointed, however, to see a bunch of guys walk in that didn't fit the description of Elijah at all. There was a brunet, but his eyes were green, and anyway I just felt like it wasn't him. I looked over to Skylar just in case, and she shook her head, solidifying my disappointment.

Maybe this was stupid. There was a chance that this could be a disaster in the making anyway.

Time passed, and Hayden's apartment filled up with people I didn't know. Or maybe I did. Skylar hadn't given me the signal though, so it was safe to assume that he wasn't here yet.

"Hey," I said, walking up to Skylar, who was surrounded by people. "I am going to go get some fresh air," I whispered into her ear.

She eyed me warily. "You ok? Do you want me to go with you?"

"That's okay, I am just going to sit on the patio for a bit."

I could tell that she was still reluctant to let me go, so I sent her a reassuring smile.

"Okay well let me know if you need anything."

"I will."

I turned, my smile dying down slightly. Everyone worried about me too much. I got why they did, I just wished that they didn't. I didn't want to be the person who everyone had to keep an eye out for.

When I made it outside, my eyes instinctively drifted to the right, my gaze landing on a light that shone in the sky, standing out from all the rest. It was suspended up in the air like a jewel, forcing anyone who looked up, to admire its beauty.

None of the other stars compared.

My mom had told me once that the brightest stars were the ones that had the shortest lives, but held the most impact. And just like those lives, when the stars finally did burst, they left behind something even more graceful and mesmerizing than just their beauty. My dad was just like that. He was one of the people chosen to touch the hearts of others during his presence on earth, but after his death as well.

I smiled upward, moving to sit on one of the faded blue chairs on the patio.

"Hey, Dad."

Just as I sat, the balcony door slid open slowly. I jumped up, the chair scraping against the concrete.

"Oh sorry."

Slightly startled, I eyed the tall figure that was half-shadowed in darkness. The person stepped forward, moving into the small beam of light that came from the apartment.

I paused as I took in the careful eyes that watched me, a hint of an apologetic smile lingering on his face.

I had no idea who he was, yet there was something familiar. Something in his stance, in the sturdiness of his shoulders, and the assessment of his eyes had me curious all of a sudden. But then maybe a part of me was just desperate to end to solve the mystery once and for all.

"That's okay, I was just about to leave," I muttered, taking the time to take the entirety of him in.

He was...were there any words to describe him?

"Rowan?"

My hands went clammy, and my heart skipped a beat.

He knew my name.

Never in my life had I ever been more hopeful about the fact that I didn't remember someone.

Now that I could see him better, the mirage of colors in his eyes was so much more apparent. They were a mixture of green, brown, and gold, reminding me of fall's eve. I subtly studied his profile, doing a mental checklist of what Skylar told me he was supposed to look like. Everything was correct, but so much better than I had pictured. She had done him a disservice.

My eyes traveled back up to his forest-like ones.

"Yes?"

He wasn't looking at me like I was a stranger.

I stilled, wanting him to shout out his name and confirm my suspicions so that I could surrender to the game I'd been playing. So that I could admit how hard it was to wake up each morning, knowing that I was searching for someone, but not being sure who it was.

I held my breath, feeling as if he already knew my secret, even though I had said nothing.

"I'm glad that we are meeting up under better circumstances. Thankfully, there are no cars for you to hit me with."

His lips tilted up in a way that had my stomach erupting in butterflies, followed by a rolling sensation when his words registered.

I had no idea what he was talking about.

My nerves grew as I thought about the occurrence, trying to discern if I had or hadn't hit him. I wasn't sure which reality was true, but part of me wanted to believe that if I had hit him, he wouldn't be regarding me so nicely.

Goodness gracious Rowan, how could you have left out something like that?

"Elijah?"

It was risky. But it was worth it.

So you do remember me" he chuckled with a charming grin, the playful gleam in his eyes hinting at either a joke or reference that was unknown to me. "Was getting worried there for a second."

I nearly stopped breathing.

It was him.

His words made me wonder if I had told him something. Surely I hadn't told him about my memory. I would've written it down.

Right?

I tried to think of something to say in order to cover the reason why his name sounded like a question on my lips, as I searched his eyes. If he knew I needed him to tell me. Otherwise, I didn't have the courage to bring it up.

"Sorry, it is a little hard to see in the dark," I added, hoping the excuse worked. Elijah nodded, his gaze falling to the door handle, which I hadn't realized I was gripping mercilessly until then.

Despite the fact that five seconds ago the thought of telling him had been racing through my mind, I said nothing. For now, my skeletons would stay in the closet.

He tilted his head. "You don't have to leave."

I smiled, with a shrug, not wanting to leave but still unsure as to if he was just being polite. "Are you sure? I know how it feels to need some peace. Especially with what's going on in there," I said, and shot a glance inside Hayden's noisy apartment.

Elijah shifted, pulling his hands out of his pockets.

"No, that's okay. Please stay. Or at least let me leave if you want to go. I was the one who interrupted you after all."

Now it was my turn to study him, trying to see if it was simply a nice gesture or a signal that I wasn't crazy and he wanted me to stay as much as I wanted to. I shrugged, my heart picking up in speed.

"I don't mind a little company. You okay, by the way?" He glanced at me questioningly, as I chose my words carefully, trying not to blatantly give away that I had no idea what he was talking about. "I mean with hitting you or almost hitting you..."

A thoughtful expression formed in his eyes as I trailed off. Immediately I knew my attempt had failed. "You really weren't kidding about never letting yourself live that down." He chuckled. "I'm okay. You didn't hit me."

I let out a small sigh of relief, pressure leaving my chest. Thank goodness. I brushed a strand of hair behind my ear, pulling the sleeves of my shirt over my fingertips as he continued to watch me.

"That is a relief."

He just hummed in response, making me realize that my statement could have been seen as weird. Especially since I was supposed to be pretending like I already knew I hadn't hit him. I was already failing miserably.