I lurched upright, jumping out of bed and racing to the bathroom as fast as I could. I made it just in time, lifting the lid, as all the muscles in my body contracted and everything I had for dinner that night resurfaced.

Tears flowed down my face, my throat burning from rawness, as I heaved. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to keep my hair out of my face and only sitting down on the cold tile floor once I was sure that I was done.

I didn't know how much more I could take.

Thinking twice about being on the bathroom floor, I stood up, panting as I tried to still my shaking hands. This was the second time tonight that the memory had resurfaced through my dreams. And it had been there to terrorize me the nights before too.

The first time I had woken had been around ten, and Elijah had woken me up stirred out of his sleep. It had been as if a bullet had gone through me when I had opened my eyes, his trained on me in desperation as tears wetted my face.

This time, fortunately, my torment had been silent. He was still asleep.

Weirdly, I preferred it like this. At least if he was still asleep, I could cry in peace. I had been trying to hold it in since I could see how worried he was about everything that was going on, but I didn't know how much longer I could keep everything bottled up inside.

I placed my head in my hands, smoothing my hair out of my face, before I turned on the water, rinsing my mouth, and brushing my teeth. When I was finally ready to go back out there and at least laydown, I exited the bathroom.

I looked at Elijah's sleeping form and debated on whether I should get back in the bed with him. He looked completely at peace, and I didn't want to disturb him if I had another nightmare.

My eyes flashed back to the first time I had experienced the terrors, his body trembling right alongside mine.

I hated that as soon as he was finding some clarity in his life; I was bringing a bigger problem.

My eyes flitted to the clock, and I grimaced. It was only thirty minutes past two in the morning. Meaning I had barely gotten three hours of sleep. I didn't think I would be getting any more either. While everyone else would be tucked away safe in their dreams I knew I would be kept awake by the demons that wouldn't let me sleep.

I sighed, walking over and kissing his cheek. He shifted, turning onto his side, and I stilled holding my breath. I released it when, he didn't wake up, quickly grabbing a blanket from the end of my bed, and trudging into my living room.

I had slept on the couch the night before too, having woken up early enough to climb back into the bed with Elijah before he had noticed I was gone. It had been the worst night of sleep that I had ever had. But it was necessary. I didn't want him constantly waking, especially when he had been waking up early for soccer for the past few weeks.

The nightmares weren't leaving anytime soon.

I laid down on the couch, tucking my feet underneath the blanket and resting my head on the soft cushions. It felt as if I laid there forever, trying to lose myself to sleep, but couldn't, my mind invaded by the scene that had plagued me for the last three nights. I sighed, taking a shaky breath as I slammed my eyes closed trying to get the images to go away, but failing. It was as if the scene was on repeat.

Cars. Broken glass. Screaming. Nothing.

I opened my eyes, having given up on sleep, and sought out the soft green glow of the clock above my oven, as I tried to think about anything and everything to distract me from my mind. Dreams were supposed to haunt you when you were asleep, so how come mine still lurked when I was awake?

"I am a mess." The confession was quiet but held the weight of the world. Even though there was no one to hear me say it, I knew that the whole universe knew it too.

---------

I peeled my eyes open, feeling as if only a few minutes had gone by. The beam of sunlight that came in through the large canopy windows, caused me to glance at the clock, however, as I realized that it was no longer nighttime.

I had actually gotten some sleep. I nodded to myself, seeing that it was only twenty minutes past eight. Elijah would definitely still be asleep, so that meant that I still had time to get back in bed before he woke up. That way there would be no questions.

I sat up, yawning, as I placed my head in my hands in relief. After I must have fallen asleep, I hadn't had the dream again. Fate had granted me a get-out-of-jail-free card, at least for the night.

I closed my eyes breathing in deeply as I tried to calm my mind and put on a brave face before I walked back into my room. Elijah could read me like an open book, and I knew that if I went in there like this, he would know for sure something was up.

"I made you coffee."

I jumped up off the couch, startling. Elijah was leaning against the entrance to the kitchen, watching me with his arms crossed. Tension radiated off of him, but his eyes were soft.

I opened my mouth, before closing it again, and trying to gauge what he was feeling. His eyes shifted to the floor before he looked back at me. I could see the question that lay suspended in his facial features, and hoped that he wouldn't ask.

"Why are you up so early?" I asked, trying to steer the attention away from me.

In my defense, I really was curious why he was up. I mean the guy could sleep all day if I wasn't there to wake him up, and he didn't have soccer practice.

"I woke up and you weren't there." He raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything else and I winced internally. Yep, he was unhappy.

"Thank you," I said as he walked over and handed me a mug.

I took a sip, my body responding to the coffee immediately. I stood up, awkwardly walking around him to sit in an island chair. He continued to stand where he was, just watching me. I could see the confusion in his eyes and knew that there was no way I was escaping the conversation that we would have later.

"Why were you sleeping on the couch?"

I spoke too soon. We were having it now.

I stared into my coffee cup, finding my reflection. Even though the murky brown liquid, I could see the exhaustion that painted my eyes. I didn't look up as I shrugged not knowing what to say, besides telling the truth, and I didn't want to do that.

I had slept out here so that he would worry less, but I think it had backfired. I heard shuffling, and the chair beside me was pulled out as Elijah sat down next to me and grabbed my free hand, which had been resting on the counter.

He rubbed his thumb over my palm, staring down at our hands, before looking at me again. His silence at the moment was so much louder than any of the words he could say. I searched his eyes, pleading with him to just let it go.

"Did you have another nightmare?"

"No."

Elijah's eyebrows furrowed. "Then why were you on the couch? Because if I recall correctly, you fell asleep with me." He patted his chest, the sound of his hand thumping against it, the only noise that could be heard. looked forward, avoiding his eyes.

"I don't know," I finally said, pulling my hand out of his. I didn't know why I did it, and as soon as I did I felt like a hole had formed inside of me. I grabbed his hand again and took a deep breath before I spoke. "I just couldn't sleep, and needed to clear my head a bit."

"So you slept on the couch?"

I nodded my head not meeting his gaze.

We both didn't say anything. The morning was oddly silent, considering that the apartment complex was sitting on the intersection of a major road. It was always loud on Saturday mornings. But today was different.

The silence of the outside matched the atmosphere in the room.

"Did I do something wrong?"

I glanced at him. "No, You didn't do anything. I just needed a little space."

He nodded as if he hadn't heard me.

"Because if I did you can be honest with me. I also know that you slept on the couch yesterday..." Elijah trailed off, his eyes narrowing slightly. "You needed space?" His eyes narrowed and he pinned me with a look. "What are you trying to say, baby?"

His voice was thicker than usual, causing his accent to become more prominent. I could see the wheels turning in his head, and I shook my head.

"Not like that. I promise," I said, knowing exactly what my words must have sounded like to him.

"So whatever is going on, doesn't have to deal with something that I did? Because if so, let me have it. Let's fix this."

I squeezed his hand, turning my body so that my knees were touching his.

"You didn't do anything. I have just been in my head too much, that's all." He stared at me as if he was trying to make sense of it all and I sighed, running my hand through my hair. "It wasn't anything you should worry about it."

"How can I not worry?"

"You could take my word, and trust that I am okay."

"So you weren't sleeping on the couch for any other reason than you needing to clear your head?"

I nodded, my mouth pressed in a thin line, his stare burning a hole into the side of my face. I tried to remain impassive, knowing that even a tiny slip-up could give away the fact that I was one step away from losing it.

I had already called doctor Anderson About the dreams, but there was nothing that could be done to help me cope with them. I would just have to wait for them to go away on their own. But I didn't know how much longer I could take it.

It was the screaming that did it for me. Once it started it didn't stop.

Not even when I opened my eyes.

Elijah opened his mouth as if he was going to say something and then shut it. His eyebrows pinched together a second later as if he was having second thoughts.

"Alright. Well, do you want to talk about whatever it is that is bothering you?"

I took another sip of my coffee, tracing the detailed cursive on the mug, that formed the letters of my initials. I wanted the conversation to end, and I had an idea of how to do that.

"It's nothing."

I stood up, moving so that I was standing in between his legs. I laced my fingers in his hair, and his hands instantly went to my waist, trailing up my back and back down. His eyes widened, flashing darkly, as I leaned down, brushing my lips against his. I tilted back slightly, hovering over him, silently hoping that he would give in.

I brought my mouth to his, and he responded, taking my bottom lip between his teeth. Our lips tangled for a few sweet seconds, before he sighed, pulling back. Even though his eyes were coated with want, they held reservation as well.

"I think we are getting off-topic," he whispered, his eyes lingering on my lips before going back up to my eyes. He pulled his hands away, but I grabbed them before he could. He sent me a blank look. "I know what you are doing, and as much as I want to do this," he said, gesturing in between us, "I think that we should talk."

"That's funny. I happen to think that we were on exactly the right topic." Elijah smiled a bit, but it didn't reach his eyes. My heart panged a bit, as my attempt to take control of the situation blew over. "It is just hard for me to talk about right now." A lump formed in my throat as the frustration built up inside of me.

Elijah, stood up, tugging on my hand, his mouth falling onto mine when he pulled me close. I closed my eyes, ready to lose myself in him in hopes of escaping my reality. He nipped at the edge of my lip, walking us back towards the couch.

"I thought you didn't want to do this whole distraction thing," I whispered.

"I don't. I want to talk about what is going on," he mumbled against my lips. I chased the words away deepening the kiss, as we sat down on the couch. "But If this is what you want right now, then okay." I moved to straddle his lap, my hands plunging into his hair and tugging slightly. Something I knew he loved.

I didn't go back to kiss him immediately though, capturing his eyes with mine. "This is something that only I want?"

Elijah grinned infectiously, causing me to smile, as his fingers traced tiny delicious patterns against my skin. "I always want you, baby. But something tells me there is more going on."

"No," I said breathlessly, pulling him close to me.

Our mouths entangled fiercely as if competing for dominance. Even still, I could feel that Elijah was holding back, and I kissed him harder. For the first time in a long time, I needed him to stop being the nice guy. I leaned back, his eyes meeting mine heatedly, and I knew that despite his hesitance he was just as affected as I was.

"Nothing is going on."

I sat there, waiting for him to respond in any way, hoping that he would just let everything go for now and kiss me. He didn't say anything, however, instead of looking at the floor as if conflicted. I sighed moving to get off of his lap, but his hands shout out stoping my movment as he pressed my hips against his.

His hands trailed up my sides slowly, the fire that had started to die down, rekindling.

"I don't want to fight." I looked down, but he lifted my chin with his finger so that he could look directly into my eyes. "If what you need is a distraction right now, then I am yours. But, I can see the truth. When you are ready, I will be here."

Not wanting to argue about it anymore, since I knew it was useless, I nodded. But as my face conveyed one thing, my mind stated the opposite.

I wasn't sure if I would ever be ready.