DYLAN ||

Panic, nervousness, anger, frustration, fear.

All the different emotions that rushed through my fucking body as I heard Raiden turning off my hearing aids just to hear them click back on.

Even in my slumber, I could hear that incessant click. That same click that I've heard everyday and night for the last 23 years of my life.

The same click that brought me back to the reality of me being deaf... Partially, but deaf none the less.

My eyes flew open when I heard that damn click that plagued my whole existence, all the sounds of my world was gone in an instant, just to hear sound as quickly as it left when I heard that fucking click again.

Raiden's scent was strong as hell and when my vision cleared, I seen why. My nose was pressed against his chest, while he laid on his side. One hand in my hair, stroking it ever so gently and the other, playing with my damn hearing aid in my right ear.

As if last night wasn't terrible, this moment was the worst.

Last night I came into the room and almost jumped on Raiden. His scent was ridiculously strong, I almost couldn't contain myself. Maddox rushed forward with me and was practically humping the air, the horny bastard.

That was until I seen Raiden holding my journal. I panicked, legit panicked like I've never panicked before.

Nobody has ever seen or touched my journal, it held my most private thoughts, specifically to my time in high school, the death of my older brother, Bennett and the worst of them all.... My hearing problems.

I couldn't believe I had been so stupid as to leave it out and of course Raiden didn't know what it was, but that didn't stop me from snatching it and rushing to my dresser across the room.

He told me that he didn't read it, I didn't know whether or not I believed him and I couldn't exactly command him to tell me, so I had no choice but to accept what he said as true.

After that moment of weakness, I walked into the bathroom to notice the sandalwood scented body wash was used. I only bought it for the purpose of sniffing it everyday while Raiden was in the cells. The bond was forcing me to him and the pain was becoming too much, but being able to take in his scent as frequently as I could, seriously helped me stay as calm as I could.

Realizing my mate used it only made me happier, even happier than seeing him in my clothes. The Alpha in me was pleased with his submission and the claim of letting everyone know he belonged to me. He would be covered in my scent along with his, both mixing together creating an aroma from Heaven.

Once I was able to calm down enough, I walked back into the room and quickly laid down. Apart of me wanted to hold my mate, to have him hold me, but that other part screamed to fight against every part of our bond. This stupid homosexual panic I've been dealing with has caused some serious trust issues within myself for myself.

I don't trust my body anymore.

Now that's just fucking weird and even though it scares the hell out of me, nothing had my heart beating like the moment I woke up to hear that wicked click.

I grabbed the front of Raiden's shirt and gripped it tight because I didn't have the words right now to fully express just how terrified I was.

So, as I watched him hesitantly lean back and then his eyes met mine, instead of words laced with fear, I spewed words laced with anger.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing Raiden?" I growled, never breaking my gaze from his.

He never uttered a single word, just continued to stare back at me and my fear grew from his silence.

Raiden was doing the thing I hated, giving me the one thing I feared the most....

Silence..

Of course he doesn't know about my disability, I've never told him, but anyone with even the slightest knowledge in the medical field, would be able to decipher that I have hearing aids.

So I was pushing my irrational fears onto him, glaring at him as if he was the one to curse me with the silence that had taken the color from my world.

The memories of Nicholas and Evan back in high school started to flood my mind as Raiden's silence flooded my heart.

You weren't even meant to be the Alpha. Bennett would have been the best Alpha. You're a joke honestly Dylan.

How can an Alpha be deaf? There's no way anyone would ever follow you.

Hey everyone, our future is deaf!

Let's see what he can hear without his hearing aids.

"Pups."

Oh thank the Goddess above, my mates voice pulled me out of those nightmarish memories. I let out a frustrated breath before I focused back on his eyes, completely forgetting why I was upset in the first place.

Those stupid fucking memories..

Raiden's hands cup my face, his thumbs gently rubbing circles onto my cheeks. That big part of me was screaming to pull away from him, but I couldn't bring myself to move. His touch brought a sense of calm to my racing heart.

"I'm so sorry for violating your personal space pups, I'm so sorry. I can't make any excuses for my behavior, I'm really sorry." Raiden whispered, slowly sliding one of his hands to the back of my neck, while the other cupped my cheek.

I didn't know how to react to any of this. My instincts were telling me to love the way my mate was trying to comfort me, but that part of me, the straight part that hated being mated to a man, was telling me to pull away from his grasp. Everything was so conflicted and I hated it.

My eyes searched his as I contemplated removing his hands from my face, yet his touch brought so much warmth, so much tenderness, so much love that I wasn't used to. That I've searched for my whole life, the touch of my mate I've so longed for.

I couldn't bring myself to remove his hands, I couldn't tear my gaze from his, I couldn't catch my breath. I couldn't, I couldn't breathe.

Why can't I breathe?

My chest feels tight...

My lungs feel constricted..

I can't catch my damn breath...

My mates silence was deafening my world quicker than my life without my hearing aids...

Fuck...

I'm having a panic attack....

"Pups, pups!" Raiden yelled as my grip tightened on his shirt and I was desperately trying to suck in much needed air, but my fucking chest was tight and it's wavering clutch on my lungs refused to give way.

"Fuck Dylan! Breathe! Fucking breathe baby!"

I felt Raiden lay me down on my back as I stared into his eyes, trying to remember how to fucking take deep breaths as my lungs felt like someone was literally squeezing the air out of them. My whole chest felt tight, I started to feel lightheaded from the lack of oxygen. I couldn't focus on anything around me except my mate. All I could see, smell, hear... was him.

I'm fucking panicking....

I can't breathe!

Help, help me Raiden. Please help me!

"Come on pups, breathe for me. In and out, deep breaths. You gotta slow your heart rate down. Take some deep breaths for me." Raiden was panicking just as much as I was. I reached up and grabbed the back of his neck knowing he didn't hear my most inner thoughts just then, pulling him down until his forehead laid against mine.

"Talk.... to.... me.... Help me.." I panted out through my ragged, sharp breaths. Raiden quickly nods his head against mine.

"Ummm... ummm... ok... Ok.. Do you remember the day we first met? I was in Onyx's form.. and we had just killed a deer. I didn't even notice you at first." Raiden stumbles through his words before laughing, I nod my head against his as I suck in a breath.

"When you first said hi, Onyx freaked out, but as soon as he looked down and we saw you, we knew exactly who you were to us. Time stood still that day... Everything we were called out to you and Onyx couldn't help himself. He wanted to mount and claim you right there, but I pulled him back and allowed him to scent you. It brought so much joy to my heart when we nuzzled into your neck pups."

I took another deep breath as I closed my eyes to focus on my mates voice, desperately trying to slow my heart rate down.

"When you told us to shift, we did and the moment I laid eyes on your properly, I was hooked. I didn't care that you were a wolf, I didn't care that you were a man because you were mine. All mine, everything about you belonged to me as everything about me belonged to you."

"You were so beautiful with that frown on your face and that blush that kissed your skin. Your eyes..." He paused, then rubbed my eyelids, causing me to open my eyes and look into his as I continued to take deep breaths.

"Your eyes reminded me of ocean waves crashing against the shore. That's my favorite way to describe what these beautiful eyes resemble to me. I love water, so only the Gods and Goddesses would know to bless me with a mate that reminds me so much of the bliss that fills my heart when I look into your eyes Dylan."

A smile creeps on my face as I feel my heart rate starting to slow down.

"Your eyes... your eyes remind.. remind me of.. of a sunset... I love sunsets.." I breathe out, chuckling a little bit and Raiden smiles down at me, never once removing his forehead from mine.

His story comes to a halt and I don't mind as I take in my mate's erotic scent. Leave it to the Moon Goddess to douse my mate in scents that smell like sex. The man oozed sex appeal and it drove me crazy.

I'm sure she did this on purpose, seeing how our mates are only supposed to smell like things that draw the beasts inside of us in. I loved the sandalwood aspect of my mates scent, but the Rum and Leather? Goddess... everything together was intoxicating and it further pushed that homosexual panicked voice deep within the confines of my mind. So deep to where all I was starting to see was my mate and not the fact that we both dicks.

Slowly my breathing started to level out and my heart rate calmed enough for the splitting headache that creeped up on me, to simmer out until I felt it completely die out.

Raiden held my gaze the whole time, breathing into me and providing me with the calm that my life of an Alpha, so desperately lacked.

I swallowed once I realized the position we were in. Me laying flat on my back and he was sitting next to me, but his face hovered over mine. My hand was still gripping the back of his neck, holding his forehead to mine as one of his hands cupped my cheek, rubbing it so gently.

As if Raiden sensed my nervousness with the vulnerable position I've suddenly found myself in, he pulled away, allowing me to sit up.

I could tell that he still had questions about my hearing aids as his eyes traveled down to my ears before quickly snapping back to my own.

Taking another deep breath, I held his gaze.

"Pups..." He asked, but stopped himself almost immediately. I stayed quiet as I watched him to try figure out what and how to ask me about my most sensitive topic.

"What are... how umm... the clear blocker things you have in your ears. What are they?"

Clear blocker things??

Does he not know what hearing aids are??

Shit...

Thank you Goddess above for giving me such an adorable, naive mate!

"They're exactly what you said Raid.. Ear blockers... for ummm.." I trailed off trying to find the right words to finish the horrible fucking lie that was spewing out of my mouth.

Damn what are some ear problems??

What can't I think of anything?

"Maybe because you're trying to lie and you're terrible at it." Maddox said, swishing his tail.

"Maddox, my best friend, the best wolf ever, help me please."

"No, I'm not helping you lie to our mate. Onyx just forgave me, I'm not getting on his bad side again."

"I thought you were a fucking Alpha wolf man!"

"Oh we both know I am, but our mate is more important than our fucking ego Dylan."

"Come on Maddox, please, this isn't an ego thing. I'm terrified, I can't tell him the truth right now."

"He's going to find out eventually Dylan and he won't judge you or make fun of you for it. Our mate will love us regardless."

"Maddox, please. I'll tell him soon, but not right now. I just can't. Please."

My stupid wolf was silent a lot longer than I felt comfortable with before he spoke again.

"Ear infections Dylan, tell him you have ear infections and the 'blockers' are to help prevent you from getting them."

I focused back on my mate and told him exactly what Maddox suggested.

"I'm really susceptible to ear infections Raiden, so the blockers help with that."

"So like you... you get sick or something from it?"

Shit...

"Maddox!"

"Tell him the blockers help block out foreign objects like dirt or sweat or something get into your ear. That they block out things from getting into your ears that could cause an infection."

I nod and repeat his advice.

"The blockers help block out foreign objects like dirt or sweat, so that I won't get more ear infections. Some wolves are more susceptible than others and I happen to be one of them. So the blockers just help with preventing anything getting into my ears to cause an infection." I explain and Raiden nods.

I wait quietly for a few minutes, hoping he actually believed me.

"Thank you for telling me and I promise to help you with whatever you need as far as your ear infections or anything else. You tell me what you need and it will be my pleasure to give it to you."

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding before smiling.

Thank you Goddess, he believed me. I don't have to go down this hard road just yet.

"You should never hide things from your mate my son, you need to tell him the truth. He was given to you because of this. Be careful with the way you live with your mate. Fate has a way of pushing you towards the one you have been destined for."

My damn mom, really.. How the hell does this woman always know what to say and how the hell does she always know when I'm doing something to Raiden man?

She has like a sixth sense or something and it's starting to drive me crazy.

"Yes mom, I'll tell him eventually, just not right now." I answer through the link, cutting it before she can actually answer.

I smiled at my mate and he returned it with his own.

Goddess, Thank you so much for giving me a mate that is so naive..... and breathtaking or rather breath giving.

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