❤

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" Find what you love,

and let it kill you "

- Shivaay

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Dashing out from the cabin I straight marched to the parkinglot. I hastily hooped inside my car. Changing the gear, I screeched away from there almost terrifying my surroundings.

I have no idea where I'm driving to. Still it's been half an hour that I'm speeding out without any specific destination. But the incident kept me forcing to speed out even more.

How dare she to point her fingers at me.. How dare she to shout at me, that too in my office. What does she think of herself.? Who is she.. Any Princess? Or any Queen?

Bloody..!

And what's with me? Why didn't I strangle her there itself? Whats with her, that is pulling me back?

" Aarghhh.. Amaya.. " I almost screamed hitting the steering hardly.

"Don't you have a bit of manners in you? "

Her words started to swirl inside my mind. I gripped the steering wheel making my knuckles go all pale. I just kept clenching and unclenching my jaws to suppress my inner turmoil.

" Haven't your mother teached you how to behave with others and their feelings?"

Again.. That words started to eat up my mind.

Mother..! What does that word even mean? What's that emotion supposed to be?

I questioned myself with a longing eyes.

'For that you need a mother.'

My mind almost mocked me.

" Have you ever felt pain of loosing someone..?"

Pain..! The only thing in my life, that I have felt wholeheartedly. From childhood to till now.

"Have you ever be hurted by someone ? You doesn't even know what it means.."

Hurted by someone..?!

That's what I received as a gift, the day I born, from Mrs. Avneet Sidharth Hooda or more clearly my Mama.

The gift which she gave never forget to pierce through my heart, when each time someone mentions about her infront of me. She always manages to get me on her thoughts. How..!?

Even after burying my heart inside those four dark walls preventing each and everything related to my Mama....Still those truths hound me.

And not to forget about the woman who woke me up from the beautiful dream which I was living till my fourth birthday, with her venomous words making me realize how much of a big sinner I'm.

" Aunty leave me.. Let me go. Shri and Ppa will be waiting for me. It's my birthday today. I wanna cut my cake with Shri. Let me go naa.. "

" You little brat.... No one will be waiting for you. And what did you say.. Birthday? Huh! You killed your mother just to live your life right.? But I won't allow it. You have to suffer. "

And there it started. The memories. The bitter truth in my life. Each and every single thing started to play infront of me like a slideshow. My heart had it's own way to torment me, by flashing those pain filled memories again and again. And everytime I breakdown just like the day I realized what sin and how many's happiness I have snatched.

' Huh..! Why you are getting so sad? You can't make her alive, when you are the one who sucked out her soul just to see this world.'

I could here the words which echoed in my mind, which was not less than stabbing me more than hundred times. I pressed the break abruptly not knowing where it was. Resting my head on the steering wheel, I was trying to control my raging breathes.

' Oh come on.. Just accept the truth. You killed her. You killed your mama. You are a bloody murder.'

No.. No.. Fai, don't go back there. Don't listen to that. I raised my head and looked around just to get a picture of the place where I'm right now. And for my good luck, I'm near my secret keeper. ' My corner cliff '. The place with whom I share every single thing which happened in my life. The place where I spent my tough times. That's why I call this cliff as my secret keeper.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and removing my coat, I ran out of the car. I kneeled down to the ground palming my ears just to make sure that the innervoice won't completely pull me into that darkness.

' You killed your mama. You are a bloody murder.'

' Bloody Murderer '

' Bloody Murderer '

' Bloody Murderer '

The words kept echoing again and again at the back of my head.

No Shivaay.. She killed herself and dumped the whole blame on your head. Yes..! That's what the truth is.

I was assuring myself, but still that fucking voice won't stop. Why..!!?

" Aaahhhhhhhhh..!!!! Stop I said. Stop..!! "

Breathe in.. Breathe out.. Breathe in.. Breathe out..

I chanted continuously in my mind, when I felt my short, heavy and fast breathes. Trying hard with all my might to not get a panic attack now. Remembering the harsh truth, that I sucked the hell out of the woman's life, who was my Ppa's love and the most important person in my Shona's and Shri's life, already made my lungs to refuse the intake of air.

' Even your body loathes you Fai. '

I could hear those mocking voice inside my head. But no.. I won't allow anyone to effect me.

Remember Fai, your mama... No, no.. Mrs. Hooda, yes, she is the only one who is responsible for your all miseries. Remember this each and every time while her mention. You can't be fucking effected by that women.

All of a sudden my phone started to ring, Distracting me from my thoughts. I grabbed it from my pocket and saw the caller ID.

Shona.!

How come she always knows that when I need someone besides me.?

Now if I didn't attend the call, she will get worried, if I attend the call, then she will open her question bank. Controlling my breathe I finally attended the call.

" Hello. "

" Fai.. Are you okay? Where were you? Why you took so long to attend my call? " I heard her worried plus an accusing tone.

Of course she will get angry. Because I never ignore her calls.

" I.. I'm.. I'm fine. " I said trying to sound normal.

But to whom I'm saying. She is the great daughter of Sidharth Hooda. My Shona.

" Fai.. What's wrong? Tell me. " I heard her worried voice.

" Shona.. I'm fine. I.. I was driving. That's why, I.. I'm fine. Don't stress yourself. " I said to her sternly, or she will not stop worrying.

" No..! I know something is bothering you. I can feel it. Tell me. " I heard her curt yet stern question.

This is getting into my nerves..!

" I said I'm okay. So stop bothering Shanaya. " my voice was stiff and cold, because now I'm trying my hardest to keep my anger into myself.

" What.. What did you call me.? Shanaya.? Now I'm 100% sure that there is something wrong. Tell me Shivaay. " she yelled at me.

And I lost it..!!

" I SAID THERE'S NOTHING WRONG. WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING GET THAT INTO YOUR THICK SKULL. AND STOP BOTHERING ME MRS. SHANAYA AAKASH NIGAM. " I roared at her out of my mind and disconnected my phone.

Throwing my phone inside the car I gripped my hair out of frustration and anger, that I wonder why my hair haven't break yet.

I just hurted my Shona.. Fuck you Shivaay.! How could you.? No. No. No. I can't see tears in her eyes. I have to go to her. I immediately got into my car and rushed to her. I know she must be on duty now. But who cares.!

Author's pov

Shivaay drove to Lifeline Hospital where his Shona works. Parking the car, he straight walked into her cabin.

" Is Dr. Shanaya inside? " he asked to the duty nurse who was present outside Shanaya's cabin.

" Huh..! " But to her dismay, she could only react like that after seeing him in that messy state, which introduced him as super hot.

Looking at her drooling face, he muttered a long list of beautiful words for her. Guess what.. Hehe.!

" Haven't you seen men before? " Shivaay gritted out at her.

" Like you.? Then no. " She said as if she is possessed by some kind of horny bitch.

" Move.! " That's all what came from Shivaay's mouth. And she moved aside just like a robot.

Of course her words irked the hell out him. First of all he just roared at his Shona, and on top of that, when he is here to manaofy her, this horny nurse is making a swimming pool by her drool.. Ewww..!

He walked in only to see Shanaya sitting in her chair and resting her head on the table. He could hear small sniffs, which broke his already bleeding heart. He slowly walked up-to her.

" Why are you here? " He heard her voice which was little hoarse due to crying.

Shivaay wasn't surprised by that question. He knew, his Shona could feel him easily. And yes, she was sure that, her little angry bird will fly to her for shouting at her. Shivaay grabbed a chair and placed it besides her and sat there resting his head on the table, just like Shanaya. Watching Shivaay's face, Shanaya immediately faced the other side not wanting to melt so soon infront of him.

Such a cutie she is..!

" So my Shona is angry on me.? "

Shivaay asked her as he took her hand which was on the table and kept it on his head. As if asking her to caress it.

Whereas Shanaya wanted to hug him tightly and ask him that is he fine. But she bit her lips not letting her sobs to come out.

" Shona.. " Shivaay called her again as he himself moved her hands through his hair.

" It's not me who is having anger management issues. It's you. Then why would I be angry on you. " She said sitting straight on her chair.

But still she didn't pulled her hand back from his head. Shivaay stared at her for few seconds. He too sat straight and turned Shanaya's chair making her face him. But she didn't looked at him, which pained him.

" Really Shona? You are not angry at me? " he asked and she nodded her head as no.

" Fine. Then look at me and say that, I haven't hurted you, those tears wasn't because of me. Tell me. " Shivaay asked her with a straight face whereas Shanaya's eyes started to fill.

" Fai I'm on duty now. I have rounds." she said and stood up abruptly only to be hugged by Shivaay by her waist. Just like a kid who is not ready to let his mother leave him.

" Sorry.. I'm sorry. " He said softly still holding her just to get her attention.

" You know na Shona, if this Shivaay Hooda ever bow his head down and apologize, then it's only infront of you. " He said those words looking straight at Shanaya's eyes.

And for her, that was enough. She hugged him tightly and planted several kisses on his head sobbing hard.

" I'm not gonna ask you what happened today or what is your problem. Because I know, you won't say a word. But at least tell me if you are fine or not. That's all what I'm asking. Please. " Shanaya said taking her little brother's face in her hands.

" I'm fine. It's just office issues. " Shivaay said kissing Shanaya's palm.

" Did you bleed your nose? " Shanaya asked sternly just like a mother.

" No. "

" Don't lie. "

" My words are on you Shona. I didn't bleed my nose. " Shivaay said standing straight.

Shanaya nodded her head as she knows, if he keeps his words upon her, then he won't lie.

" Can I come in if the brother sister patching up is over. " They heard a very cheerful voice and both of them looked at the door to find a man in his 50s.

Shivaay's face instantly frowned seeing the man, who just barged inbetween him and his sister's privacy.

" Dr. Mittal. Please come in. " Shanaya said whipping her tears and smiling little bit awkwardly as he saw her crying.

Shivaay's frown deepened as he heard Mittal.

" Hope I didn't disturbed your bonding. " Dr Mittal asked as he walked in with a smile.

" Of course you did Mr. Mittal. " Shivaay said with a blank face.

" Fai.. Shut up. " Shanaya nudged him and gritted out as she felt little embarrassed by his answer.

" Oops.! That was really straightforward reply young man. " Dr. Mittal said with little bit surprised.

" I'm a straightforward man. I don't like to play with words as well as to talk for so long. I believe in actions more than words. " Shivaay said curtly making Shanaya to palm her face.

" This boy won't change. " she muttered under her breath.

" Hmm.. That's interesting. No wonder why my daughter had given you a long list of names. By the way.. Dr. Anand Mittal. " He said with a laugh and introduced himself.

" Shivaay Hooda. "

" I know you very well man. Only because of you, my both ears are getting weak day by day. Through one ear, I have to listen to your good qualities and through other one your crazy acts. " He said as he remembered the past two days incidents.

" It's not my mistake that your daughter haven't learned her lesson by her one stupid act. So, tell her to stay away from my way. " Shivaay said remembering each and every thing Amaya did in his office.

" That's where you underestimated her. Both of you have your own morals and ethics. That's why both are not ready to get down of your egoes. " He said patting Shivaay's shoulder.

" One thing I have to tell you. I know she is really stubborn and outrageous. But, is innocent as an angel. She only speaks louder if she felt it's wrong. Sought out the issues as soon as possible. Or else only hurt and grudge will remain. " He said calmly to which Shivaay listened quietly not talking back, which obviously wondered Shanaya.

Shivaay just nodded his head, which came as another shock for her. Why not..! Her Fai never listened to anyone like this, unless it's not the matter about his family.

" Then I will take a leave. Bye Shona. See you in the evening. " Shivaay said and kissed her forehead and walked out.

" Let's sought out the things then.. Amaya Mittal. " Shivaay thought and walked up-to his car. Taking his phone, he saw a message from Zane saying that he has an outdoor meeting with a client in one hour.

On the other side Shanaya and Anand Mittal walked out of her cabin.

" I'm really sorry Dr. Mittal. That my brother talked to you like that. You know, he is little bit tempered guy. So." Shanaya said to him awkwardly.

" Hey it's okay. My daughter isn't less. And he is a nice guy by the way, apart from his anger. " He said with a smile.

" Actually I wanted to ask you something. About Ama.. " before Shanaya could ask about Amaya, one of the staff came there to call Dr. Mittal, as an emergency case had been admitted.

" Excuse me Shanaya. " he excused himself and hurried to causality.

" I really want to know why Amaya have the same face just like my mumma. " Shanaya said to herself and went back to her rounds.

After the encounter with that grumpy vampire and his father I straight went to Maple Cafe because my best friend have been landed here.

Sriti Nair..!

Well, basically she is a South Indian. But is settled in Mumbai. We three, I mean, I and my lovely sister and Sriti, we all grew up together and were best friends. But due to her studies and enrolments, she had to move to Pune.

That's why we meet up rarely.

To be honest, Shivaay's father's words do had an effect on me. Those words about Shivaay really chilled me out.

'Ammu.. You have to clear your mind.'

Yes.. I have to. And the best option is Sriti. But where the heck is she. I dialled her number and she instantly picked it up.

" Where are you? I can't spot you anywhere. " I said looking here and there.

" I'm here. Snap your head to your right. " I could literally hear her squealing.

I turned and saw her waving her both hands. I grinned and almost ran towards her. He both hugged tightly out of happiness and grabbing a look from everyone. But who cares.. Huh.. Our life, our rules.

" Haww..! You have grown up to a fucking beautiful lady Ammu. " she said pouting as if she is the most ugliest girl in the world.

" Oh come on Sriti.. Shut up with that comments. Let's order something and tell everything. How's uncle and aunt. "I asked her ordering cold chocolate shake for both of us.

Soon we were engrossed in filling each others ears with the incidents that happened. After hearing my side she almost screamed. But soon smiled smugly. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at her.

" What? "

" What what?.?" She asked with an amused face.

" What's wrong with you. Why you have plastered that creepy smile. What are you thinking? "

" Looks like you have finally found your Prince Charming. " She said with the same smug face.

Thank God that I wasn't drinking my shake. Otherwise, I would have spit it all over her face.

' Yuck.. That's gross. '

Yeah I know. Someone please tell her not to say such things.

" What..!? " I almost screamed keeping a hand on my heart. My eyes were wide as saucers. And I'm pretty much sure that, my face would have resembled as one of those animated cartoons.

" Hmm.. Shivaay. Your Prince Charming. " She said again nodding her head with that stupid smile.

" What..!? " I again shouted. This time out of the nonscensive statement.

" Of course.. Don't you feel its just like one of those clinćhe movies. That hero and heroine fell in a hate - love relationship. They can't stand each other nor they can't leave without each other. Aww.. How sweet. " She said with those dreamy eyes not to forget the emphasize of the word 'sweet'.

" WHATTT..!! " Don't know why.. I could only say this one word now.

" Oh.. Just stop with this What. " She said irritatingly.

" Then what else am I supposed to say. From where are you getting these stupid thoughts. " I asked her annoyingly.

" From novels. Where else. "

Shit.! How can I forget that Sriti is a book worm. And her expectations on love life is just like a fairytale. What else can I except from her.

And moreover.. Prince Charming ?

I sniggered at the mere thought.

More like a Beast.!

I opened my mouth to speak out something, but nothing came out. This continued for few times which of course made me look like a gaping fish. I shook my head at her thoughts.

Seriously..? I mean, I agree that he is hot and rich and all that. But it's real life. Not any romantic novel.

' Aahaa..! So you agree that he is hot. '

Arghh..! Someone please tell how can we kill our subconscious with killing ourselves.

That's when someone passed by our table and I saw that the man have dropped his wallet. I quickly took it and called him out.

" Hey.. I think you dropped your - " my words stopped abruptly and silence filled for few seconds.

' Speak of Beast. '

There he stood looking hot as hell. He wasn't alone. I saw Zane along with him. Looking handsome. But now much as Shivaay. Ughh.. What am I even thinking.

" What are you doing here? " he both asked at the same time.

" Stop copying me. " Again we both said at the same time.

" What is this? Chorus? " There jumped Zane.