Unedited.. :)

Ryder is laying on the couch with half-lidded eyes. I'm making the twins dinner, feeding the dogs, and making sure everyone stays alive.

Not as easy as it seems.

I hear a scream from the living room where it looks like Lily threw a wooden block at Sammy's head.

Who the fuck thought wooden toys were smart for toddlers?

"Not nice. We don't throw," I scold and pick up Sammy. Lily basically rolls her eyes and tells me to leave her alone. She's definitely my kid.

They eat, I bathe them and am soaked by the time they are finished. At least they fall asleep in minutes and leave me to go take care of Ryder.

He is finally coherent when I get down stairs. Sitting up on the couch, the dogs on either side of him.

"Hi, baby," Ryder says smiling. He fell while working and broke his leg. He has a large cast from his foot to mid thigh. He is basically immobile and it's fucking annoying.

I take a deep breath, "I want you to quit."

He looks like I've slapped him. I want to. "What the hell? No."

"I'm sick of this," I say gesturing to his leg. I don't mention the scars of his burns from the last time he got seriously hurt.

"You knew what you were getting into. We talked about this," he says. I can tell he is trying to stay in control of his anger. We don't fight often but when we do it's an all out screaming match.

Neither of us gives up quickly.

"That was before Sammy and Lily. Do you really want them to grow up without a dad? You're, like, prone to accidents. Does anyone else get hurt like this?" I can't stop talking. My hands moving in frantic motions and I keep pacing. The dogs are even interested in this conversation.

I bet the fucking dogs would want to live with him if we got divorced. Even Boomer. Traitor.

"Everyone gets hurt. I've gotten hurt twice in almost three years," he argues.

"Seriously hurt twice!!" I try to control my volume.

He stands up and wobbles over to me, without his crutches. He puts his hands on my cheeks, "I love you and I love them. I'll be more careful."

"You said that last time. Quit." I move my face away and he drops his hands and hangs his head.

"I can't. Come on, Ads," he says.

I shake my head, tears fall down my face like a waterfall. I can't have him die on us. I just can't. When I think of our life without him it sends my mind spinning. Every single time he leaves the house to go to work I can barely sleep.

I tell him that, "I wait for a phone call or even worse a knock on the door telling me you aren't coming home. Do you know how hard it is to live like that? Maybe I'd feel differently if you weren't laying in a hospital bed a few years ago and standing here now in a cast up to your balls. I'm fucking done, Ryder. I can't do this anymore."

"So you're saying my career or you three? Are those really the choices you're giving me?" Ryder is so calm that I'm getting nervous. His eyes are narrowed and he is speaking slowly and quietly. I wonder if it's so he won't wake the girls up or if it's because he is trying to remain in control.

I know how horrible it sounds. I know that what I'm doing is wrong but I don't know what else to do. I stand there silently while Ryder watches me intently. He is waiting for me to make the next move but I'm out of plays.

He sighs, "what you're asking me is unfair."

"I know," I say in a quiet voice. The words barely making a sound.

"I'm going to bed," he says turning away and hopping up the steps on one leg. I stand with the dogs hating how everything was left.

I take my keys and go to Carley and Gabe's house hoping that Ryder knows I haven't taken off in the middle of the night without the girls or the dogs. I'm sure he knows I'd never do that.

Carley opens the door and as soon as she sees my face she runs inside to grab a bottle of wine and we sit on her front steps.

"I'm going to need to drive home," I say.

"Gabe will you take you." Carley pushes the bottle towards me again and I shake my head. She doesn't drink it either. t explain the situation and am in tears again by the time Gabe sticks his head out the front door telling me that Ryder called to make sure I was here.

When Gabe sees the tears he heads right back inside.

"You can't ask him to give up his job." Carley says it so simply like my whole thought process was wrong.

"Why not?" I ask.

"That's his life. That has always been his life. He told you that he couldn't be with you if you wanted him to give that up. Don't you remember all that?"

"Yes. But now he has a new life. Two kids and another one of the fucking way." I cover my mouth with my hand trying to grab the words out of the air and shove them back in.

"What?" Carley asks her eyes glistening with tears.

"I'm fucking pregnant again. And he is hurt and he can get hurt again. Three kids and two dogs by myself? Yeah fucking right. I can't do that alone. And I shouldn't have to." I say crying. I found out I was pregnant at a routine check up the same day of Ryder's accident.

"Shitty timing," Carley comments. I laugh through my tears.

"I'm pregnant too," Carley says causally. I then aknowledge the full bottle of wine that is sitting between us.

We laugh and I shake my head, "nine months without wine sucks."

"Yeah, just the smell is making my mouth water. Who the hell made alcohol bad for babies?"

I laugh and rest my head on her shoulder. She rests her head against mine and we sit in silence for a while. Absorbing the news and I'm still thinking about the choice I left Ryder with.

"Think of it this way," Carley says, "you can give him this impossible choice and he can choose his career and you have to start a new life without him anyway. Or you suck it up. Put on your big girl panties and wait it out. Things happen for a reason, Addy. If something ever happened to Ryder you'd have me, your family, Gabe. You would never be alone. Enjoy your life with him and stop worrying about everything."

I nod and let her words sink in. I'd rather of Ryder than lose him because of my own anxiety.

When I walk in the door Ryder is sitting on the couch waiting for me. He has a bottle of water and his foot elevated.

"I'm sorry, Addy." He says and can barely look at me. I don't know if that means he made his choice but I don't let him say anything else.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm terrified of losing you. But I'm not going to lose you now just because I'm scared."

"Addy, don't you think I'm terrified too every single time that alarms goes off. I worry about my three girls and the dogs and how you would survive without me. But I can't imagine my life without it and I can't imagine my life without you all."

"So I guess we're leaving things alone?" I ask.

"I'll be more careful. I really promise this time," he says kissing me deeply. I wrap my arms around his neck and tangle my fingers in his hair.

"I love you," I mumble against his lips.

"I love you too," he says.

"We're having another baby," I say.

"Fuck," he laughs and kisses me again. "It better not be another girl."

21 year old River Jacobs has hit a dead end. She dropped out of college and heads back to her hometown.

A town she swore she'd never return.

Colton Sawyer hasn't left. He is still working on cars in his old garage and waiting for something to happen.

River and Colt have history.

Should history repeat itself?