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i think i might have fucked up

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good morning to you too, baby

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What's uuuuppp

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How's Khai?

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Khai's doing fantastic, thank you for asking! Now, what did you do?

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And how's Zayn coping as a dad?

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Amazing. Not surprising. He's great

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so, again, what did you do?

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And how are you feeling?

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Haven't slept in weeks but we viiibe

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NOW WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO

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So I'm in Nashville

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You're in Nashville?

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Yep

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wait back up

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when the fuck did you get to Nashville?

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about two weeks ago

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you've been in Nashville for two weeks? 😭 bestieeee

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I know

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wait and August is with you?

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No

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She stayed in New York?

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Yeah

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So, you're in Nashville, and she's in New York

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Yeah

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Okay, that's fine

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I fail to see the issue

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i am so confused right now

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me too

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taylor honey

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whats going on?

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I think August and I might have broken up before we were even dating

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Wait you weren't dating this whole time?

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WAIT YIU BROKE UP?

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No wtf we were just friends

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Okay uhu friends who made out occasionally

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Yeah, like months into our friendship. And then, I guess, when we moved back to new york it was sort of like unofficially dating but we never really talked about it

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wait so this whole time, with all that sexual tension, and you never even fucked once? wow

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Gigi 😭

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What? I'm just saying, you're like pretty strong for holding out 🙏

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i hate you so much

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we did tho

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HOLD UP WHY AN I JUST HEARING ABOUT THIS

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cuz i dont have to tell you about every single detail of my sex life ?

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Okay so let me get this straight

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You told me how Ad*m did that thing that one time with that thing... you know the thing

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yeah, fuck you for reminding me 😭

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my pleasure!

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And then when you told me about that one time at that one place when everyone was you know and you and you know who did the you know what

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OKAY YEAH I REMEMBER SHUT UP NOW WILL YOU?

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but not this time?

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nopeee

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huh

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it really mattered to you then, didn't it?

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I was 100% sober, yeah

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WELL SHIT

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was it good?

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mind blowing

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NOW WILL YOU HELP?

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You still haven't told me what you did dude

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THE FUCKING ANXIETY IS WHAT HAPPENED

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anxiety about what babe?

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look, after everything that happened with K*rlie , i still had hope that it might still work out the next time. And then the whole thing with Joe happened and I really thought that was going to last, I mean, we really got engaged and everything and them shit went tits up so sudden and you know how that ended. And then, I swear, I thought I was doing better. Everything was starting to feel normal again and I'm pretty sure August had a lot to do with it. But then when things started to get really real and the whole picture thing happened my mind just went exactly like all those reporters usually go like "Taylor Swift dating again!" "Oh my god! Are we ready for a new Taylor Swift album? 😱" "Wait she's not straight?!" Yeah for fuck's sake, have you not listened to my music? And then I got really worried about August and how it might affect her and how I know the tabloids would twist this into some sick story about this whole thing just being some shitty way to make her like famous or something and how they would just scrutinise every single thing she'll ever do, and has ever done, and she's just starting out in this world and it would be just too much and my anxiety got the better of me and like i started thinking that something was bound to happen to make her leave at some point so it would be best to just not take the step further and everything got too much and I'm pretty sure I was lowkey having some kind of panic attack so i just called mom and left new york and sort of didn't talk to august for a few days and now im sure shes pissed at me even tho she said shes not and is just disappointed which actually hurts because holy fucking shit i am such an asshole cuz i clearly really hurt her and she deserves so much better and now I'm thinking well maybe this is better cuz even if it hurts a bit now, it's better than how much it is going to fucking hurt when I realise that I was actually falling for her and holy shit

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holy fucking shit

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anyway so that's what's new in my life! Wby, bestie?

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Alright, I'm gonna answer your giant rant in parts

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First of all I'm so sorry that happened Tay, I love you and I'm here for you if you need anything but like not physically unless you come back to New York soon

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second of all, yeah that really was pretty shitty running away like that

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Third of all, your anxiety is totally valid btww and all those things you mentioned were definitely going to be big ass headlines as soon as anyone found out for real that you two were a thing but my honest opinion is that maybe you shouldn't have run away and instead talked to august about all your fears?

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shut up i know

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and she is an adult who can make her own decisions too which means that she's also quite aware of everything that might come with dating you publicly or otherwise and she would have been able to tell you herself if she was fine with it or not if you had asked her

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I KNOWgod

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so what's stopping you from doing so now?

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the last time we talked it kinda sounded like she didnt want anything to do with me anymore. it was sort of like she didn't even really wanna be friends. She just kind of said something like "yeah these things never work out anyway so this is for the best" and that was that

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and you believed her??

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shouldnt I have?

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You realise she only said so cuz that's exactly what you were doing?

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....

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and you also realise that you admitted to falling in love with her?

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and that I have absolutely no doubt that she was always starting to fall for you too?

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yeah, why do you think I know that I totally just fucked up?

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I don't know! Sometimes you do dumb shit!

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There's nothing I can do about that now anyway. It's better that it ended now when we hadn't figured things out yet

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Okay, I mean, if you think so!

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Yeahh I guess

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But...?

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But I miss her so much what the fuck

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you're in love :')

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no it's just a stupid crush

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uhu :)

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fuck

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yeah you're totally fucked

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thanks for being such a great help 😒

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you're welcome 😇