"Fucking Hell," I say, tightening the straps of my backpack and walking towards Ryder. He looks half asleep as he sits against the wall on the tile floor of the school hallway, but looks up when he hears me, wide awake.

A teacher walking by heard me too, "Hey, language," he says sharply.

"Sorry," I tell him, then turn back to Ryder, "Fucking heck."

The teacher gives me a stern look, raising a finger in my direction, but then falters. He must decide it's not worth it because it's the last day of school. Punishing me today would be pointless, and it's not like I've given him any trouble in the past.

"What?" Ryder asks, standing up.

"Give me a hug," I say and collapse into his arms, almost like a trust fall.

"What, Way?" he asks, confused, but hugging me back.

"That exam was the worst thing I've ever sat through and I'm so glad it's over."

We pull away from the hug that, somehow, actually helped. I guess I'm just starved for human contact of any kind after being shut up in my room alone for so long, studying. Ryder asks, "Your French one? Was it that hard?"

"No, it wasn't super hard, it was just tedious as fuck and I'm being dramatic."

"Wish I could say mine weren't hard..." he mumbles.

"Whatever, as long as you passed, does it even matter?" I take him by the wrist and drag him toward the front doors. "C'mon, let's get out of here. Laura pretty much told me I can do whatever I want as long as I'm back home tonight, and I don't want to look at anything school-related anymore."

We head outside and walk in silence towards the apartment. It's a nice day. I want to do something crazy that I wouldn't normally do. Something impulsive and a perfect archetype of teenagers on TV or in certain music videos. I feel energized by the warm weather, the light breeze through my hair, and the fact that I've written five exams in the past three days that I really need to take my mind off of before I overthink everything I wrote down and convince myself it was all trash.

Luckily, I have some ideas in mind and two friends that are pretty much down for anything. Ryder never says no, and Raven can't as long as I suggest it with enough excitement in my voice. Is that taking advantage of their kind nature? Perhaps, but they never regret my ideas once we've gone through with them.

When we arrive at the apartment, I immediately drop my backpack by the door and collapse onto the couch. Jersey hops up onto my lap just as quickly and starts purring when I scratch her behind the ears.

"Rough day?" Raven asks.

"The math exam was—" I start, but I'm cut off by shouts from the kitchen.

Ryder, his head in the fridge rummaging for a snack, interjects, "The math exam was hell! Don't even get me fucking started. What the fuck even is a vertex?"

I rattle off the textbook definition I ingrained into my brain, "In geometry, a vertex is a point where two or more curves, lines, or edges meet."

"Yeah, well, I didn't study that shit so I drew a picture of a vortex instead." He slams the fridge door shut, takes a bite of an apple, then drops onto the couch next to me and keeps talking, "One of those swirly water whirlpool things? Right over the question in blue pen."

I put a hand on his shoulder. "I hope that worked out for you, bud."

"Maybe you'll get pity points?" Raven suggests.

"Or creativity points?" I add hopefully.

"Or negative points for being a dumbass," he deadpans.

I can't contain my snicker, but opt to change the subject. None of us want to be thinking about school right now, and much less the definition of "vertex" which we're never going to use again.

"Let's go on an adventure," I say, placing Jersey on the floor and standing up from the couch.

Raven glances up at the clock then says, "Sure, we got time."

"Time before what?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at them.

They make eye contact with Ryder and the two grin at each other without even trying to suppress the knowing smiles. They don't even explain it to me, Ryder shutting me up with a wave of his hand before I'm even able to question either of them.

"Doesn't matter," he says. He stands up from the couch and starts slipping his Converse back on which he'd kicked off as soon as we got in here. "What kind of adventure are we talking?"

"Well," I say slowly, running my fingers through my tangled, washed out hair, "I think it's time for a re-dye."

"And a cut?" Raven questions.

"And a cut," I confirm with a nod. "And maybe some more piercings while we're at it?"

"Might as well get some tattoos while we're there!" Ryder adds excitedly. I can't tell if he's joking or not. I think he's being serious by the way he's practically bouncing up and down like a giddy little kid.

I put my hands up. "Uh, no. Maybe not tattoos. Not yet. I think Frank should be the one to take me to get my first tattoo."

Raven nods, "Yeah. Yeah, for sure. If you knew anything about Frank, Ryde, you'd agree."

"You know," Ryder says thoughtfully, stuffing his hands in his pockets as we head out the door, "I think I could be a tattoo artist."

"Not a bad idea, Ryde," I say.

"Yeah," Raven agrees, an impressed look on their face. "I can't believe I've never thought of that for you. And you don't even need to memorize the definition of 'vertex' for that."

• • •

The mall was busy and I had no idea where I was going. If Raven hadn't steered me by my shoulder as soon as we walked in, I probably would've gotten lost. The place was packed with kids all hanging out after their last day of school, and I wasn't the only one looking to dye my hair.

Maybe it was stress induced. Maybe a whole group of us collectively lost our minds while studying for finals and coped by colouring our hair bright red. The piercings I settled on, two in each ear, complimented my nose ring and were probably for the same reason.

We head to the foodcourt after both Raven and Ryder have looked me up and down and decided I look "badass as hell." We sit down at a booth in the back where it's less crowded, each with a slice of cheese pizza. I notice Raven bouncing their leg nervously.

"What's up, Rave?" I ask them.

"I'm just anxious to get back," they say. "Right, Ryde? We have that... thing?"

"What thing?" I ask.

Raven tries to hide their face by looking away when they smile. Ryder is too interested in his food to pay attention to what we're saying, and takes a long drink from his orange Fanta instead.

I push my paper plate with the pizza out of the way and lie my head on the table. "What thing?" I ask again.

"I can't believe we're having this conversation right now," I hear Raven say, amused.

"Well, I'm sorry school fried my brain in the last three weeks and I seem to have forgotten this 'super important thing.'"

Raven snaps their fingers and then I hear Ryder say, "Hey, you okay, Way?"

"Tell me what the thing is!" I exclaim, my forehead still on the table.

"What th— oh! Raven, we should get going."

"So you two just teamed up against me and decided not to tell me what you're talking about?"

"Well, we thought you'd figure it out yourself and now it's just hilarious that you haven't. C'mon, I'm excited, so let's go." Ryder says, taking me by the wrist and pulling me out of the booth. Even though it didn't hurt, I flinch out of habit when he touches me there and he gives me an odd look.

I bite my lip and ignore it, and we head out of the mall at double our normal pace. I didn't even have a chance to finish my pizza.

Instead of going back to the apartment like I was expecting, they stop before we get there and go around to the back door of the old abandoned building. Ryder stands at the crack in the door before ducking inside and gestures for me to take the lead, and when I look at Raven they nod.

I take a step forward apprehensively, then hold my breath and head into the dimness of the building.

I wasn't expecting to see a tall figure dressed in black standing in the first room I turned in to, so naturally I scream louder than I've ever screamed before at the sight. Like, a glass-shattering scream that would've had people running to my rescue if we weren't in the confines of this building.

"Oh my God, it's just me!" Krash's familiar deep voice says as he yanks off his hood.

I clutch a hand over my heart, gasping. "Well, sorry I thought I walked into a game of Slenderman!"

He chuckles, "My bad."

"I thought you were only supposed to get here tomorrow," I say. It's the reason I didn't suspect anything when Raven said something about a "thing." I thought they were messing with me, truthfully.

"Thought I'd surprise you," he replies, a slight smile crossing his usually serious face. Then he steps forward and puts a hand on my shoulder. "It's nice to see you, Way. You look a lot better than last time I saw you."

I roll my eyes, but really I'm suppressing a smile. "Thanks. You look the same as you did back then."

He shrugs. "Could be worse, then."

An awkward silence falls over the room when he and Raven make eye contact, Ryder a few steps behind them, biting his lip and looking at the floor instead of looking Krash up and down.

"Hey," Krash finally says.

Instead of saying anything in return, Raven steps forward and wraps their arms around his shoulders. They haven't seen each other for almost as long he and I haven't seen each other, but the difference is they were friends. They hung out for longer than a week, or however long it was that I found that false sense of security in the Box.

When they let go, Raven steps aside and Krash and Ryder finally lock eyes.

"Hey," Ryder says. "Nice jacket."

Krash looks down at his black leather jacket. "Thanks, I'm roasting in it."

"Worth it," Ryder grins.

Krash shrugs then turns back to me, raising a finger in my direction. "Piercings, red hair. Not the Way I remember. These two put you up to it?"

"No, Dude," I say coolly, "I did this back in Jersey. Well—" I point to my ears, "did those today at the mall."

He nods approvingly. "Nice."

I stand up taller, a stupid grin on my face. I just got complimented by someone I would've killed to hold the same amount of sheer power and confidence as when I was fourteen. I really thought the gang in the Box were the coolest teenagers I'd ever met, but that's probably because of the people I went to school with; the only comparisons I had.

"So," Krash moves towards the doorway and leans against it, but quickly pulls his hand away when he realizes it's covered in dust and whatever shit is growing on the walls in here, "Your- uh- what's his name? Frank? Would have a fit if he knew you were in a room with the two of us right now, wouldn't he?" he says, referring to himself and Raven.

"He must've gotten over it by now, right?" I say, then remember when I collapsed onto my knees in the snow, puked on the ground at his feet, then he dragged me away from the park while I was kicking and screaming. "Well, actually, you're probably right. But he's not gonna find out, so it's fine."

"Yeah, yeah, Raven gave me the run down. We drive all the way to Jersey, drop you off for a couple days, and get you back here safe and sound."

I nod. "Yeah, that's pretty much it."

Ryder pipes up excitedly, "So, when are we leaving?"

Krash looks at me, I shrug, so he looks at Raven, and they shrug too. "Well you wanna get there for the fourth of July, right? So, couple days? Let me spend some time in Rhode Island first?"

"Sounds good to me," I say.

• • •

the title is a gerard way song and nothing more