Clara and I didn't go back to school.

Which was surprising, because usually Clara had every objection to skipping classes. She didn't want to mess up her practically perfect GPA, she didn't want to rely on anyone else for notes, and she didn't want any attendance issues on her record.

I understood why she was like this. I just couldn't relate. I didn't really give a damn about my grades, and Jesse used to convince me to skip at least twice a week when we were together, so I'm pretty sure my record was already thoroughly fucked.

Clara used her car as an excuse. She said she wanted to bring it home because it was unsafe to drive. She said she was eager to get it fixed because she just couldn't survive without a car for very long. I guess she didn't realize that she was talking to someone who didn't have a car and definitely wouldn't have one in the foreseeable future.

I'm pretty sure that was only part of the reason. Even though Clara was pretending that everything was perfectly fine, and she wasn't worried about our situation with Brett and Jesse, I think she was. At least, I hoped she was. She would be stupid not to be worried, honestly.

I didn't trust them. I didn't trust their judgement and I certainly didn't trust their intentions. I only prayed they would grow tired of this game, and they wouldn't want to keep playing it. I prayed they realized how stupid they were being, threatening to open their mouths like that.

After all, they're the ones who wanted to play that stupid prank. If you could even call it a prank. I think it crossed the line from prank, to bad idea when there was such a huge a possibility of injury.

Clara and I didn't want anything to do with it.

Even being as drunk as we were, which was pretty drunk, I can remember the way we both protested when they told us their reckless idea. They were bent over in laughter when they told us. They thought it would be hilarious. They even video taped themselves doing it. Thankfully, they were smart enough to delete that evidence the next day when we heard the news. Once they realized just how stupid they had been. Once they realized how horrible of a mistake they had made.

I remember the sinking feeling I had watching them doing it. I remember how uneasy I felt when we drove that boat away, the boys laughing and fist bumping each other like they had pulled off an epic joke and nothing bad could possibly happen to them.

I don't think the impacts of what they did really weighed on them, because honestly, I don't think they ever thought about anyone other than themselves. They were only concerned with how things affected them. Their wants, their needs... it's all they cared about.

I wish I could say that I thought they were narcassists, or sociopaths... or whatever the labels are for people like that. The sad thing is, I don't think they are.

I think they are just entitled teenaged boys who have been told they are untouchable simply because of how well they can throw a football. They've been told they're elite because of their families money.

They truly believe that they can get away with anything, and the simple answer to why they think that is because they always have. They've always gotten away with their wrongdoings. Everyone has always been willing to look the other way.

Which is another reason why I'm worried that they will decide to tell someone that it was our idea. I think people will believe them. And even if they don't... it will be easier for the authorities to place the blame on us. The police won't have to arrest their chief's son. The prosecutors won't have to throw their friend's sons in jail. The school wont have to worry about losing their star football players.

At least Clara has the money for a lawyer. She might have a fighting chance, if it all falls down.

I won't.

I looked over at Clara, who was still on the phone with her dad. He barely even raised his voice when she told him that she damaged her expensive car. Likely because she didn't tell him the truth, that she ran into the back of Roman's car because instead of being focused on the road, she was focused on finding her cellphone. She told him that the car in front of us suddenly stopped, and she didn't have time to slam on the brakes. He barely even questioned it.

I never appreciated the way Clara lied so effortlessly until I started to lie myself. But, maybe I lied like her before this all happened and just didn't realize it.

It's not like Clara is the devil and I'm the angel in our friendship. We've always been partners in crime. We've always been ready and willing to go along with each other's bad ideas. We've always coasted along on our looks, climbing to the tops of the social ladders and easily into the beds of the boys we wanted. We've never really looked outside of the bubble we had created for ourselves. We were both happy to live in it.

However, lately it felt like I had been living on autopilot, and when that night happened, I was suddenly and violently shaken back to manual steering. I wasn't impressed with what I saw when I came back to reality, either.

Maybe I could have been. Maybe I could have lived my whole life in that autopilot. Maybe I could have been simply satisfied with the predictable nights and the boring days. Maybe I would have stayed with Jesse, accepting his horrible treatment of me. Accepting the minimal standard I had set for my life, the shallow and superficial things that I enjoyed. My easy interactions in my insignificant relationships. I could have been content with my skin deep view on life.

I'll never know now, because I was sharply woken from that daydream with a bucket of ice water poured over my head.

The problem now, is that I'm not sure how to wade through this shallow pond that I called my normal. I couldn't leave it behind in search of the tall waterfalls of meaningfulness I'm now searching for, because I was stuck. I couldn't leave this pond of problems without drowning. The lies were like a giant damn blocking all the exits, and the water was climbing higher and higher around me. The water I used to freely frolic in was now chest deep and rising.

"So..." Clara interrupted me from my thoughts, which I'd like to say were deeper than normal, but I couldn't even say that. My thoughts were a muddled mess of metaphors that kept me spinning in circles.

"I have good news, and I have bad news." Clara continued, causing a groan to slip from my mouth.

"I can't handle any more bad news, Clara. I have reached my quota on bad news." I told her, bringing my hand up to rub my head, which was already starting to ache.

"Well, that's life, honey, so get used to it." Clara said with a roll of her eyes. She always said I was dramatic, and had a tendency to overreact. I thought she had a tendency to underreact, personally. "Brett texted me."

I slumped back against the fabric of her couch, throwing my head back in obvious displeasure. "What the hell does he want?"

"Well..." Clara started, and just from the tone of that one word, I knew whatever he wanted was not going to make me happy. "He's with Jesse, and they want us to meet them for dinner."

I ground my teeth together, feeling my body tense up at her words. I didn't speak for a moment, because I was trying to calm my mind down. "Obviously, that's the bad news. What's the good news? I really can't guess because the only thing that would be considered good in this situation is you suggesting that we're going to leave them hanging."

Clara chewed on her bottom lip before answering. "I think it's smarter if we go, Lilly. I know you don't want to be around Jesse. Trust me, I don't want to be around Brett either. I just..."

Clara's voice faltered when she said the last word, and she took a deep breath. I knew being vulnerable was hard for Clara. Even though we've been best friends for years, she still has trouble telling me about her worries and fears. It's almost like she pretended not to have any. Sometimes I think that she felt if she pretended she didn't have any, it would make it true.

I didn't try to interrupt her process of trying to find the right words to express her feelings. I just waited.

"I don't think they would be stupid enough to try and tell anyone. I really don't. But... I just can't risk it if they do." Clara rolled her lips together as she tore her eyes away from mine and looked down at the floor instead. "I'm scared about what would happen, Lilly. I've worked so hard to make sure I have a great future. I've done everything I was supposed to do, and I refuse to let one drunken night ruin it all for me. For us. Especially when we didn't even do anything wrong. We didn't. They did it all. They were the ones who caused that accident. It wasn't us, Lilly. I know it wasn't us, but it could easily seem like it was."

I grabbed her hand when I noticed she had tears in her eyes. Clara might seem insensitive sometimes. She might say the wrong things at the wrong times. She might be rude and she might be loud and crazy. But she was my best friend, and she didn't deserve to go down for this. I couldn't let her.

Even though she was wrong. We did do something wrong, and there was no two ways about it. Maybe we didn't physically help the boys, but we didn't tell anyone either.

And we could have. We should have.

"What's the good news?" I asked her gently, stroking her hand as if I was telling her that everything was going to be okay.

Clara looked back up at me, a small smile underneath her watery eyes. "They made reservations for El Arrecife. Jesse said you love it there."

I smiled back her, nodding like I was agreeing. I didn't want to tell her that I fucking hated that resturant, and Jesse knew that.