I couldn't stop thinking. I hated this feeling, I felt like I was falling face first into a void. I didn't want to feel. I didn't want to feel anything.

I left Hermione and Dumbledore in the Hall, it was obvious I wasn't going to get anywhere trying to get answers out of that bastard Transfiguration teacher. I walked down the hall alone, barely aware that my breathing was getting progressively harsher in my ears. I stopped in my tracks, leaning against a wall. What the fuck was happening to me?

I didn't choose this. These feelings. But whenever I thought of Hermione Granger it would begin, a surge of darkness and light and an overall uncomfortable feeling. I pulled off from the wall. I needed a drink. And something else. I couldn't think what, or why. And I was still stuck on how. As in how the fuck did I get into this situation?

I pulled my wand out of my sleeve, almost dropping it. My hands were unsteady, my heart beat pounding in my head. I managed to get back to the Slytherin Common Room where students were just chilling out on the sofas by the fire laughing. Just the sight of them having a good time disgusted me. I felt irrationally angry all of a sudden.

"What is this?" I stepped forward, every face looking up at me in fear.

"Well?" I stepped forward and suddenly felt lightheaded and had to regain myself. Ok. This was getting beyond normal.

"Tom?" I heard a girls voice say. "You look sick. What happened to you?" I looked up, not replying.

I hated Shalini, and seeing her fake face up close wasn't helping my anger.

I stepped past her, very much aware of everyone's eyes on me, and took the stairs quickly stalking off to my room and locking the door behind me before someone else could pester me. I had plenty of drinks in my cupboard, I just needed to get away from everyone and dissociate.

I took my cloak off, throwing it on my bed and my shirt as well. Now shirtless, I caught my reflection in the mirror on the wall opposite. I was losing weight, my skin looked a lot paler than usual and my cheeks were more gaunt pronouncing my jawline. Looking closer I saw a dark shadow cast beneath both my eyes. Damn. I was fading. Fast. I looked away and got myself a bottle of Firewhisky from my closet. Me and a few of the guys made ourselves our own brew infusing it with strong muggle Bourbon. Alcohol. The only thing Muggles did right.

I could still remember when I was at Wools Orphanage I managed to sneak a bottle of Rum from one of the stupid Matrons who always left her supply in an unlocked desk cupboard, taking it to the broom cupboard and drinking it straight. That was my first experience with getting completely trashed out of my mind. I was too young to have any pressing issues I wanted to escape from, it wasn't like now. This time, I really fucking had something to want to avoid. My own damn mind.

Popping the top I took to the bottle, downing half of it in under a minute. The thoughts, after about 15 minutes, seemed to slow, and finally begin to break apart into nothing. I kept drinking. I had placed spells over my room years ago, certain barrier charms to contain noise so I could do whatever I wanted without anyone hearing. Mainly from all the times I'd have whores in my bed with me, to the times I just wanted to blast music alone and loosen up a bit.

I wasn't in the mood to entertain any women right now. I wanted badly to find out where Hermione was. And then I remembered. The Unbreakable Vow I had forced her to make with me the last time she was in my bed. I had made her promise we would always be together. Now that we were apart, that must be why I was feeling so out of balance before.

I had to find some kind of way to shift the magical strain off that binding curse, so that I wasn't the one bearing most of the weight of the separation. It was my fault for casting the Unbreakable Vow. I should have been prepared for the power of the spell, I should have known sooner that with Hermione problems always surfaced, and too often it put both of our lives in danger.

Surely there had to be a way to direct the negative effects of the spell onto the other individual involved in the Vow? Did it really have to be like an evenly distributed curse? Because I could work it to my advantage, I could make Hermione suffer enough so that she would come crawling back to me on her hands and knees.

I sat down, falling down against the bed so I was staring up at the ceiling. Even if there wasn't much movement in law of the Unbreakable Vow I was certain I could at least tweak something. It had to be possible, because there was no way in hell I was going to continue my life like a chaotic fiend having withdrawal symptoms. I thought of the note I had written to her, whilst formulating an idea to sneak a few books about Binding Spells out from the Restricted Section of the library.

I closed my eyes, and began drifting. I awas taken into the darkness further enough so that we became one. For some reason, the last thing that chased me into the darkness was Hermione's face.