By

~

I'm Izzy, I'm a girl (actually I'm not too sure about that - but that's another story) and I'm 13 years old. But before you all start thinking 'she's waaaaaay too young to know this kind of thing' etc just hear me out.

I guess - as cliche as this sounds - I've always known I wasn't exactly like the other girls. I would hang round with boys, were trousers and a jumper and wear my hair back to look more like a guy. And also - I always had this feeling towards girls. I remember having it for years - sort of like this thing telling me I need to be with them and hug them and stuff. But I just assumed I wanted to be friends with them. Half way through year 5 (grade 4), a girl who I liked (or who I thought I just really wanted to be friends with) got together with someone (obviously just in a 10 year old way). I felt weirdly sad, and was confused as to why I was feeling that way. When I realised that most people wouldn't be sad if someone they really wanted to be friends with got a boyfriend, I convinced myself I liked him (the boyfriend). I now know that was completely not true.

A year later in year 6 (grade 5), I had a massive crush on a boy and felt somewhat relieved - 'if you like a boy, that definitely means you're straight' which is what I was telling myself (in the back of my mind I had just started worrying about if I was a lesbian - back then I thought that you could only be gay or straight). When I got over it, I started worrying again. Weirdly, to comfort myself I would say to myself: 'if you were a boy, you would definitely be gay'.

New school. New start. I had just started secondary school (grade 6). I felt the weird feeling for another girl again - only this time I knew it wasn't exactly normal, but I just accepted it as a weird thing that would go past. I knew what bi was, but for some stupid reason I didn't think I was that. It was only after I had faked liking loads of boys and 'asked loads out' that I realised I probably wasn't straight. This really scared me .

We had an assembly on the subject of the lgbt community that year - and the teacher said that at least one person in the room wouldn't be straight, and deep down, I knew that could be me. But that wasn't when I admitted it to myself.

At the time, I was obsessed with divergent. So naturally, I had a picture of the actors who played tris an four as my screensaver. There was one particular picture on there of Shailene woodley (who plays tris), which I couldn't stop looking at for some reason. That was when it hit me in the face. I knew I was bi.

A week or two later, I was at a sleepover. We were talking about our fears. I kept on thinking that coming out was mine, but I knew I could never say that.

One of my friends asked if we had anything to confess. And I don't know where I got the courage to do this from - but I just said it. Three words: 'I am Bi'. They took it okay, but not as good as I would've liked.

A few months later, and I told all my friends. Some felt weird about it, but they got over it eventually.

I came out to my parents three months later in October 2015. I thought they took it well. My mum said she still accepted me. But I had no idea she thought it was just a phase and that in actual fact, she wasn't completely okay with it until about a week before this is being written (late June 2016)

Now I'm okay with who I am.

I know that's definitely not the end of my coming out story. Because in reality, you never stop coming out - there's always going to be someone you have to tell.

Right now, there's a girl who I really like - we'll call her emery.

I like her. A lot. And she's also gay too - and likes me.

I get butterflies whenever she texts me or whenever I see her/am near her house for some weird reason. When we're together - it just feels so right.

I know I'm going to have to wait, because she's only out to me and my twin sister. And chances are, by time she's ready to come out, we're not going to be the same anymore.

But part of me is hoping that maybe things won't be like that. Maybe we'll be together when we're older/old enough?

I guess I won't know for a while. But I'm okay with that

Thanks for reading all of this :)

(And ps thanks divergent for finally making me realise everything)