By

~

I was 11-- almost 12-- and at my first ever 'party'. It wasn't some dumb birthday party with pastel balloons and streamers and party games. It wasn't a big 'playdate'. It was an 8:00 Halloween party with kids slightly older than me. I was excited, and super nervous. A gorgeous girl (who, at the time, I had a crush on) named Bethany had invited me and was all excited because her boyfriend was coming.

I hadn't planned that night to be the first time I came out to anyone.

During the party, Bethany kept telling me about her stupid boyfriend who was kissing her constantly. She invited me and one of her other friends to stay for a sleepover, and I happily agreed (I mean, I had freaking CRUSH on her. Who wouldn't say yes?)

Everyone soon left and my mum came by with my things for the sleepover. It was around 11:00 by this point, and the three of us headed to her room. We wanted to do something fun, but all of us were tired and Bethany and I wanted to talk. Her other friend sat there listening to us as I gave away my secret slowly.

"Um, I have something to tell you." I started. Back then, I thought I was bisexual.

Bethany pushed herself up onto her elbows excitedly. "Ooh! Tell me, tell me!"

I glanced over her shoulder at her friend. "It's kind of a secret. So you know you can't tell anybody." Her friend nodded and Bethany did the same vigorously.

"Well..." I didn't know what to say, or why I had even tried to tell her. Heck, I didn't even know what the hell I defined myself as. I didn't know what //defining// myself meant. AND SHE WAS MY CRUSH. "You know people who like girls?"

Her face dropped a little. "Yeah? If you're wondering, I'm okay with people... Like that."

"Yeah."

Awkward silence.

"Um, what would you say if I told you I like girls?" I said softly. "And boys." I added as an afterthought.

"Oh,"

That's it. Oh.

She didn't despise me, but she never looked at me the same again. She wove her way back to the subject A LOT that night, and all the while her friend was still listening to everything. I really just wanted to drop it and pretend it hadn't happened, but that didn't work.

I completely regret ever telling her with her friend there.

Her "friend" told every single person she knew, and she is the reason I'm still bullied for being a 'fag' today. She didn't have anything against gays, but all her friends did. Thanks //so// much.

I've gotten over it by this point, but it still haunts me as one of the worst mistakes in my life.

Let me just tell you, make sure that whoever you come out to first actually means something to you. Bethany and her friend aren't the sharpest knives and the drawer, and they have the opposite personalities of me. I honestly don't know why we were ever friends.

Coming out mistake #1.