《LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 1》Down Over Judgement

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Hello, my name is Precious, and I identify as bisexual.

The word "Gay" never really came up to me growing up, and when I heard it, I usually got grossed out.

This is because my family is the type of family that say being gay is a "disease", a "mental disorder". Since I'm Christian, there's this story they always brought up, where they tell me that God destroyed a whole city of gay people. Honestly, I still didn't feel like I should change my sexuality, because at the end of the day, I still liked both girls and boys.

And I wasn't really ashamed of it, although I would always wonder what would happen if I were to come out to my family. I would always come to the conclusion that they would disown me. But I always tell myself that I wouldn't care. But I know I would, because I love my family very much and to lose them over something like that.... It's just seemed dumb to me.

There was a time when I was with my first boyfriend, and while I was still questioning who I was in terms of sexuality, I jokingly said that if I were to turn gay for anyone, it would be for this one girl that I thought was really cool. He, being over-religious, said that if I were to turn gay, I would be turning my back on God. I never thought that way, I always thought God would understand my feelings and then there was something else I never understood: Just because someone is gay, it somehow restricts them from worshipping God. I don't get that, because I never thought that loving someone of your same sex would stop you from going to church every Sunday, or from reading the Bible and praying every night.

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While me and my first boyfriend we're going through some problems, I lost feelings for him after a year, and while I was planning to break up with him, I had already determined that I was bi and came out to my close friends soon after. I then went out with a girl I had met online, since I had had sights on her quite awhile. Unfortunately, it couldn't last as long as I had hoped, since our distance was too great. I had then developed feelings for both my male and female best friends. During that time, my ex had found out that I had came out as bi. I didn't want him to, because I knew he would judge me, and all I wanted us to be were friends.

He told me that through "resources", he had heard a rumor that I was bi, which of course wasn't a rumor, and asked me if it was true. I of course said yeah, because what's the point of lying?

He asked me if I still believe in God, and I, of course, said yes. When we went to school the next day we talked about it, and he said he was disappointed. Honestly, I didn't care that much, because I knew he was bound to judge me, like he always did. But after that talk, we never really talked again, even though we mutually said we could be friends. And I hate that a whole friendship could have been ruined just because he found out about what I felt. When I tried to make conversation, he would never really listen to me. I just wish more people like him would understand that just because you love the same sex doesn't shadow your personality.

And I always hope that one day we really can be friends again.

But that won't change who I am. I am attracted to both males and females, and I don't feel bad about it.

Because I know I still worship God, even more than before, and it will never change.

So, to sum it all up

IM BI AND IM REALLY PROUD

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