By

~

I grew up in a Christian church called Bayside. I have been going there since before I could talk. They had multiple campuses: Midtown, Granite Bay, and Folsom. The majority of people, including me, went to Granite Bay. I was kind of a floater: I didn't have a set small group, or a set group of friends- well, any friends, really.

The year I was going into 7th grade was when that all changed. Bayside Church opened a new campus, Blue Oaks, which was about 15 minutes closer to my house than Granite Bay. The transfer was easy, since, well, I didn't have any friends.

I started going there, and I definitely felt a different vibe there. More upbeat and happy. Everybody seemed more cheerful, like they were thinking 'this is a pretty small church, so more people know who I am.'

I hung around, went to middle school service, mostly chilled at the back during worship just enjoying the music. It went on this way for a few months. That was around the time I started watching Doctor Who.

Now, the in-service small group for 7th grade girls was run by a woman named Tonya. She is the sweetest, most welcoming, and coolest small group leader there is. However, this story mostly focuses on her daughter, who also happened to be in 7th grade.

Her daughter, Hannah, and Hannah's friends, were like the popular squad of Blue Oaks. Everybody knew who they were and wanted to be friends with them.

So imagine my surprise when one day after church, Hannah walked up to me, introduced herself, and told me she liked my Doctor Who socks!

Let's back up a second. I may have misled you by accident. Hannah and her friends weren't popular because they were the prettiest girls there, or anything like that. No way!

(I'm not saying they weren't pretty, because they were pretty, but that's not the point.)

They were popular because they were friendly.

*mind explosion*

But the thing was, if Hannah introduced herself to you, she didn't usually keep talking. Normally she was just being friendly. She didn't want to make you her best friend. Much less did she give you her phone number afterwards!

Can you see where the story is going yet?

Just you wait.

So a few months passed, and we texted back and forth a lot. We liked the same things, and we saw each other every Sunday. Before, I admit, I saw Hannah as sort of stuck up and rude, but that's literally the EXACT opposite of her personality.

Because I became friends with her, I started hanging out with her friends, who became my friends by extension. My church group is now my group of best friends and I love hanging out with them.

During this time, though, I began to learn. And I remember when LGBT marriage was legalized in America, and the church had a sermon on it and why it was wrong, I remember thinking, 'Why is it wrong? Can't they help it?' And beginning to wonder.

Back up a bit. Well, I realized that during my entire life, I've had crushes on boys. Or at least pretended to because it was the 'social norm'. But I'd never really had any sort of attraction to any boy. When I said I liked a boy, it was because they were the cutest one there.

And I realized it one day. I don't remember when, it just hit me:

I had a crush on Hannah.

I remember breaking down in tears that night, praying, because all my life I had been told it was wrong.

I kept it to myself for a very long time.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I decided to go to the middle school church camp. I requested to be in some of my friends' cabin (including Hannah). We got there and we were all excited. We dropped our bags at the cabin and changed and went to the lake for a swim test. Before I say anything else, I want to tell you guys: that was probably the best week of my life.

Fast forward again to Wednesday. The sermon was amazing that night, and I was sobbing all the way back to the cabin. Shane, the pastor, had preached an amazing message about breaking down our walls, and a lot of girls in our group confessed things that will never leave that cabin.

Then I realized: if my cabinmates were so welcoming to them, why not me? And then my mouth started working before my brain did and I blurted put, "I'm bisexual."

I remember it getting really quiet, and me just thinking, 'oh my gosh, they hate me now, I'm going to be judged." And then I heard someone stand up and walk across the floor. Then I felt someone hug me. It was Hannah.

In that moment, I felt greater than I ever had in my entire life. My best friend accepted me for who I was (my crush, no less!).

I still haven't told Hannah that I like her. Maybe someday I will. But for now, I am, and am proud to be, part of the LGBT+ community.

'Till next time, everyone.

-Rain