By

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when i was younger i *knew* there were gay people and i knew people could like people of the same sex.

what i didn't know was that i could like people of the same sex.

all my friends were talking about boys and i was as well but i was also talking about girls.

i was always friends with girls and was always comfortable around them.

i always liked looking at the female body and imaging it.

my first ever "gay" crush was on my best friend at the time, Rose.

Rose and i were inseparable from Year 5 to Year 9. That's how long our friendship lasted.

I first developed feeling for Rose when i was in year 6, rose was in year 5.

we would always sleepover at each other's houses and i remember one time i woke up really early and rose was still sleeping and i just sat there watching her.

i watched the way her body would move up and down as she breathed and the way her hair perfectly framed her face.

i was totally "in love" with rose.

i wanted to spend every minute of every day with her, until i went to high school.

i was in year 7 and rose was in year 6 and we started to grow apart. i stopped having feelings for rose as i realised that you shouldn't have feelings for you friend who is like your sister.

i had two boy crushes in year 7 and never thought twice about crushing on girls.

until at the start of year 8 when the new year 7s came and so did rose.

in year 8 i started crushing on a girl named Kaytie.

she was so cute and sweet and i just wanted to kiss her.

year 8 was the year where i went 2 months out of the 12 to school. 2015 was not a good year for me.

when i came back in year 9 there was a new girl, Abbey.

i fell in love with her, and to this day i still love her.

the reason Rose and i aren't friends anymore is because i loved abbey. i spent all my time with abbey and not enough time with rose so she said i made her feel suicidal and we had like 5 fights and now i absolutely dispise rose, when once i loved her.

now back to abbey, she's one of my best friends and i trust her a lot.

recently i've started to not like her so much as she's rude to me and snaps at me and is just a total bitch.

instead, i've been figuring out my gender identity.

i'm a transboy and i say i'm asexual panromantic.

this is my milestone, realising that i shouldn't crush on toxic people and just spend my time with people who enjoy my company.

~ Kaleb ✨️‍