By

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So yeah, I'm Ali, and I use he/she/they pronouns.

I thought I was a lesbian in second grade, yeah, I know pretty early, but it was only one step into the many challenges I would face and questions that would cross my mind.

I knew what being gay was, and at the time I didn't have any guy crushes, although if I had a dollar for every girl crush I had...

Damn would I be rich.

Anyways, back to the point. I told my friends and the guys didn't seem surprised, they associated lesbians as these masculine girls, which was kind of the reason I identified as a lesbian.

I thought being gay was mostly about femininity and masculinity. But I know now it's so much more than that.

I'd never been pretty feminine, I hate dresses, pink, and other stereotypical things girl would (or for all you sexists out there, should) like.

I loved sports, blue, and other stereotypical things a guy would (or for all you people who believe in stupid stereotypes, should) like.

My girl friends didn't seem as comfortable as they could have been around me, but they seemed to warm up to me quickly.

I found out about being bi when I was in 4th grade, and that's what I identified as.

I mean I found Andy Biersack and, you know, he's amazing so I am and will always be in love with him.

Back to the topic!

I had guy crushes now, but I also had my fair share of girl crushes.

One of the girls I liked happened to have been dating a trans person, and she also dated a gender-fluid girl.

I thought, if bisexual means dating both genders, can I date someone with no gender?

I researched all night and found out about being pan, asexual, aromantic, all that good stuff.

I didn't know any of these existed, and in 5th grade identified as pan. But I now don't know what I am.

But I can sum up what i've found out. I'm pan, and gender-fluid. So that's that.

Until I know everything, I don't have an official label, but I don't really believe in those anyways.

-Ali