By

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Hi, it's Ash, and I'm back with gender stuff this time! Yaaay! Okay, so for the first twelve and a half years of my life, I had assumed I was cis. Because what else is there, right?

I only knew of transgender for awhile, and I knew for sure I didn't wanna be a boy. But I had always been considered a tomboy. I rarely wore dresses or skirts, I wore low ponytails, and I liked playing superhero games and in the mud at recess. For some reason, this defined me as a tomboy.

Now, until somewhat recently, I didn't know about agender or genderfluid. There was a youtuber I started watching who was genderfluid. I realized that maybe I'm genderfluid? I don't like "girly" things, and jeans and graphic tshirts had become my life. I discovered that shopping in the men's section at American Eagle was a lot better.

Anyways, I started to bind. I did a whole bunch od research, and found a safe way to make myself flat. I rolled up a camisole then put a sports bra over it. It made me happy. I didn't come out to anyone as genderfluid, because I didn't think it was that important. I never told anyone preferred pronouns, because honestly I would rather have been she/her anyways.

Fast foreward to about half a month ago, I quit binding. I realized that I'm a girl. I feel like a girl. Being genderfluid was just something I went through. Except, I still felt weird like being a cisfemale wasn't right. Nonetheless, I ignored it.

Now fast foreward to last night. I decided to download amino, and the first community I joined was LGBTQ+. I was going through a bunch of stuff, and noticed the gender categories. It got me thinking again to how I was uncomfortable and didn't feel right by being cisfemale. I went to Google and searched up gender identity tests.

I didn't know what else to do. Cisfemale wasn't right for me. Genderfluid wasn't right for me. Transgender wasn't right for me. I figured that maybe if I took a test, it could tell me some obscure gender identity that felt right for me. So I did. The first one I took said I was cisfemale, and I was like naaahh.

So I took a different one and got demigender. I was intrigued, because I knew demi meant partial. So I did research, and felt this feeling inside of me that was sort of like that feeling you get when you're making ramen and you pour it into the bowl. It was really satisfying.

So, I did a little more research, and I finally found a gender identity that felt right for me. It made sense to me. So, I identify as demifemale.

I've yet to come out to anyone, and maybe I'll update everyone when I do. But for now, I'll stay closeted except for here. I've only just discovered this last night.