By

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Growing up, I was always convinced that I was straight because I've always been told that I'll have a boyfriend and get married someday. I was well aware that homosexuality was a thing because my family is friends with a gay couple ever since I was about three years old.

Mostly in elementary school, even though I knew about boyfriends and girlfriends and that kind of stuff, I actually didn't know what a crush was.

And man, looking back I've had SO MANY crushes (small ones tho).

I think it might be somewhat useful to say that I identify as a female.

Most of them were boys, but my first actual crush was a girl, a girl who I still know today (but the crush is gone now).

I guess I only started questioning my sexuality not too long ago, 'cause I never thought it would affect me.

I know I lean towards boys more, but I still feel attracted towards girls, and everyone inbetween and beyond.

And it doesn't help that most of the time I get small crushes on just about EVERYONE I talk to, but then again, I don't talk too a lot of people. Socially-awkwardness is inevitable.

Then I heard about -sexual, -romantic, and -aesthetic, which at first confused me even more, but then I looked a bit into it.

I think I might be heterosexual, and definitely panaesthetic. Everyone's beautiful, and if I wasn't so awkward, I'd probably end up staring at everyone.

I've also been thinking that I'm panromantic maybe? I've thought about cuddling with boys and girls, and all the other fluffy stuff.

I'm not completely sure that I'm doing this right or not, but it sounds just about right.

I don't think I'll ever let the people I know in real life about this whole thing, because I feel like I'll end up falling for a boy anyways (heck, I think I fell for a guy I've met once at a band competition, what is this?), but this is something that has been bothering me for a while, and I feel like this was the safest place to go.

Edit~ Literally two minutes after sending this in, I've found the word "Heteroflexible", and after looking it up I feel like it describes me best, but I still don't know if this is what I want to settle with. Sexuality is strange and confusing, and after writing all this I literally got a headache XD