By

~

When I was little, I saw many gays and lesbians around and thought it was a little weird, but when you're a kid, it doesn't really matter. It had nothing to do with me.

As I grew up, I started to feel different around other girls. I felt awkward when I accidentally touched a girl's hand and that kind of stuff that makes you awkward when you're a kid. That was until I got into gymnastics class. I was 11 years old at the time. A bit young, I know. But there was this girl (let's call her S), that I really liked and she became my friend. I started to develop a crush on her, and she was the one who made me realize that I like other girls. I never got to talk about my crush on her to anyone.

When the next year started, I started to feel more comfortable about my own self, and eventually accepted myself for who I am. I'm still not sure if I'm bi or... whatever, but that doesn't really matter. I don't need a label to love

Anyway, next year starts, S moves away from my town, and we lose contact. I got over her pretty quick. But then, I started to like ANOTHER girl (call her C), and this time it wasn't just a crush. It was for real. I tried to fight the feeling back then, but it didn't actually work. Eventually I just gave up. I fell in love with her. I had dreams about her. I longed to see her smile and feel her scent.

*ok getting cheesy here Sophie stop*

I kept this love hidden for a long time, and then eventually came out to a few friends and told my best friend about my crush on C. They were all fine with it. But then, one of said friends (not my best friend tho) told C that I liked her.

I felt like I was going to die. C started just hating me, she wouldn't talk to me, she wouldn't stand next to me, she wouldn't even look at me without making a disgusted face. My entire world fell apart right in front of me. Sometimes I cried silently in my room for hours, my mother asked me if I was ok, and I always said yes, I didn't want to make her worried. There was a time when I even attempted self harming. I'm glad I was too coward to do so. I never really cut myself, there were only a few scratches.

Eventually I got over it.

My life proceeded as normal as ever. Went back to having friends, didn't attempt self harm anymore, I was happy. The only thing that gets me a little upset is that C still hates me. But I don't suffer because of it anymore.

Well, there has been a few weeks since I discovered that another girl (call her T) had a crush on me. I was pretty surprised when she told me. I never thought someone would ever like me. And then, I did something really stupid.

I lied to her saying I liked her back. I regretted it so much afterwards. I wanted to rewind back in time and fix that, but as we know, that's impossible. She asked me out, and me, being the dumb person I am, said yes.

A few days later I called her and told her it was all over because I didn't feel the same anymore. To my big surprise, T understood and we kept being friends. Our relationship feels pretty awkward right now because I know she loves me but I can't do anything about it.

So that's my LGBT story until the present day

Bye!

Sophie, 11/10/2016