By

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So, uh, hi! I'm a pansexual female and let's just keep my identity anonymous, okay? So I grew up in a fairly religious house where I lived with my mom and visited my dad every other weekend. Now, while living there I had gone to 3 different schools for reasons varying from bullying to my mom's work. As I kid I wasn't really exposed much to the LGBT community and was typically taught that it wasn't wrong but it wasn't "okay" either. Well, I can drone on and on about my younger years but let's just go back to 7th grade. I was lucky enough in 7th grade to be enrolled into a special class that was called "Creative Writing". Now, I adore writing it's one of my few creative outlets where I can express myself, sound cheesy I know.

But back to the real reason I'm writing. So through that class I had met this amazing girl who we'll call: W. So W was beautiful, smart, and so funny and eventually we had become good friends. Well, eventually they had asked me out (in probably the most cheesy way possible) and I had said yes. Well at first, we were very happy together, but that's when the on and off started. It seemed as if we had broken up and gotten back together every other week. Not to mention all the things that had happened during our "off" periods. So W had been friends with everyone in my little friend group and was pretty much the reason we all hung out. Well since a large amount of them either had a thing for W or were closer to her than me, every time things didn't work out, I began getting practically hate fucked. Around one of our ending periods of dating (the second I'm pretty sure) I had broken up with her due to some of my family finding out. So I was pretty much pushed out of that closet and so currently I've crawled back in but the people who found out still have their suspicions.

Eventually we had begin talking again (probably not a good idea, if I'm honest) and we began dating the week before we had both began our new schools. And for any of you who haven't been in a long distance relationship, it's very difficult; I don't recommend it. In the end, we began to grow apart but of course not before I had my eye on a newly desired girl in my English class. At this point I had told my best friend all about this new girl I had been, quite honestly, eyeing up for a week or two. One day she convinced me to talk to her and we became friends (Let's go with M for this one). I soon found out M was a lesbian, to my luck, and fell head over heels. Well, then me and W began to work things out a little more, but you could still feel the distance between us. Another road block besides the obvious factor that I had a girlfriend was that my friend (Who we'll call K because I'm running out of letters) had come out and told me she had feelings for M. I felt like a complete and utter home wrecker because obviously I wasn't going to tell her "Oh, same." When she had confessed who she liked to me.

After some time, I had given up on the idea of being with M and had decided that is try to get M and K together. So eventually, W had dumped me, which I was fine with, it wasn't meant to be, right? But we were still kinda friends and I was about to go on a week long vacation. Well, the Friday before I left I began asking M who she liked and she eventually fessed up, throwing my name out there. I was extremely happy and worried at the same time. I had admitted that I had feelings for her too, but I couldn't date her because K had called dibs. She pretty much disregarded that and the next day, she asked me out. Obviously I said "yes" and my best friend and her mom were so happy for me and demanded pictures. While on the trip said best friend said I should tell W, so I did. At the time she was completely okay with it and my best friend finally made the connection that makes me sigh to this day.

I pretty much was dating the same girl.

They both had the same hair color and even dyed it the same color,

They had the same body type,

Same favorite TV show,

Both treated me the same way (amazing),

Same favorite bands,

Same bad habits,

Their names even sounded similar;

Hell, they even had the same favorite color.

The list is miles long, and I don't really like to think about it because I don't want my relationship with M to be the same as W's. To this day I still argue with W and she implies getting back together with me while I very happy with M. And a new dilemma has recently popped up, turns out every other person in my school likes M. Another way she's like W, I truly do have a type.

Anyways, the moral of the story is if your not okay in a relationship your in, move on. Even if your dating their long lost twin. And sorry if this story seems rather on and off, it's hard trying to cram nearly 3 years of relationship issues into, what I'm trying to be less than, 1,000 words.

But I hope your all doing well and have a nice time, gaybies.