《LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 2》Confusion at its Greatest and My Attempt to Try Despite It

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Earlier this year, I discovered that asexuality was a thing, and it explains perfectly how I feel. Personally, I have no problem with people doing what they want to do with themselves, but I find it gross, to say the least. I can't grasp the concept of openly allowing myself to be touched that way, so I'm always confused when people say they would let someone do that sort of thing to them.

Anyway, I have had several crushes, all on guys, but the thing is, they've all been at least five years older than me and I haven't met any of them. Maybe that's because I don't feel obligated to talk to them, so I can be "open" about how I feel without being embarrassed (although, they wouldn't know I existed, so how would that work?). Maybe it's because all the guys at my school make everything sexual, and I want no part in that. Whatever its is, I'm happy avoiding an actual relationship until I know it has a chance of working out.

What's even weirder is the fact that there's a guy at my school who I'm friends with that looks almost exactly like Markiplier (the YouTuber), and I used to have a crush on Markiplier. I don't anymore, but I'm still a fan, so just seeing my friend gives me butterflies. Not to mention that a bunch of other people at my school think he looks like Markiplier, too.

Overall, it's a crazy situation that confuses me beyond belief, but what I think really made me want to share it is the fact that all of the people who I've liked, who I've never even MET, were nice enough for me to fall for. They were accepting of all people, regardless of age, gender, religion, sexuality, and romantic interests, and that is what ultimately made me accept each of them as my crush. So for those of you who are wondering if you'll ever find someone, it's possible. I don't want to talk out of my a** with what little experience I have, but I know it is, even if you have to wait until you're 30 for it to happen.

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~Neutrois? Agender? Non-Binary? Who Knows!~

I don't really care what pronouns you call me. You could call me a he, she, or they and I won't mind. The only problem is, I don't know what this is called. I've searched and searched for a definition that fits, but I can't find one. The closest I came was neutrois, but I'm still not even sure if that's right. I'm not agender, because I know I have a gender, and I'm not non-binary because I think my gender fits somewhere on the spectrum, but I don't know what my gender is. I don't CARE what it is. Does anyone have an idea as to what this would be called? I'm really confused...

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