DIEGO

"BRIX! I TOLD YOU to tell our maid to clean our room! I already told you! Bakit hindi mo 'ko sinunod, ha?! Do you want to go get hit by your father again?!"

My body trembled when mom raises her hand to pick me on my ear. I closed my eyes and stop myself from screaming in pain.

"Ouch, Mommy!" I held her hand gently.

"'Yon na nga lang ang inutos sayong bata ka, hindi mo pa ginawa! Hanggang kailan ka magiging walang silbi?!"

My tears were starting to lift up. No. I'm not going to cry. I'll just trigger mom's anger.

"I'm sorry." I said.

Binitiwan niya ang tainga ko bago dinuro duro ang noo ko. Napapaatras ako sa tuwing lumalapat sakin ang daliri niya.

"You are useless! Bakit ba kasi naging lalaki ka pa?! Kung naging babae ka, you will be useful to us! We can arrange you with someone, but no! Ikaw ang lalaki kaya ikaw ang dapat humila sa babae sa yaman! You're useless!"

I bit my lower lip and tried my best not to talk back.

"Malas ka! Malas!" Her eyes went to my laptop. Her eyes widened when she saw the page I am looking.

It was my cousins. Dereck and Jackson. I stalked Crystal's facebook and I saw their pictures. They're having fun.

"Why are you searching them?!" She pushed me away. "Are you stupid?! Don't tell me you have connection with them?!"

My eyes widened. "No! Wala, Mommy!"

Her eyes were pure brown and she looked eat my laptop again.

"Hindi mo sila pinsan, Diego. Naiintindihan mo ba? They're your competitors! Wala kang karapatang makipag-lapit sakanila!" I nodded.

"Opo..."

"Estupido!" She flipped her dress before she went to our maid.

Doon ko lang naramdaman ang panlalambot ng hita ko. I immediately sat on our sofa and looked at the monitor of my computer. I smiled bitterly while looking at my cousins.

"Lucky," I whispered.

My mom is a Rivera. I didn't use my father's surname because I have to use my mom's surname to be powerful. She's the daughter of Grandpa L or Leonardo Rivera. Anak si Mommy sa pangalawang babae ni Grandpa.

I don't know the whole story, but they said that Grandpa L fell in love with a filipina. That's the mother of my cousins dad's and mom. While Mommy was a mistake. Hindi rin pwedeng tawaging anak sa labas dahil kahit kailan, hindi kinasal si Grandpa L. But as far as I know, he was about to marry his first woman, but my grandmother happened.

Grandpa L's first woman left him. That's how he started to hate marriage. Pinalampas niya ang mga anak niya sa kasal, but us, his grandchildren won't experience the marriage. That's kinda bothering me because I want to get married and experience to have a family, a wife, a kid.

When I turned 15, dad started to beat me. Mom was trying to stop him pero wala rin siyang magawa.

Binubuhos lahat sakin ni Daddy and frustrations niya dahil inggit na inggit siya sa mga kaibigan niyang may anak na babaeng pwede ipagka-sundo sa mayaman na pamilya.

"Fuck you and your gender, Brix! Fuck you! You are useless! Isang anak na nga lang ang kaya ng mommy mo, naging lalaki pa! Malas ka!"

My tears were falling, but I'm not screaming. I won't give him the satisfaction.

Months after he beat me, mom went to me.

"Brix," I looked at her, emotionless.

"Hmm?" Are you going to slap me again?

"There's a family gathering next week together with my siblings." My face brightened up. I am going to meet my cousins?!

"And?" I tried to be sounded formal so she won't feel my excitement.

"I just want to tell you that your cousins are spoiled. They're closed to papa and you must be closed with him, too. This is your chance to prove yourself to us, Brix. Kunin mo ang loob ni papa."

Bumagsak ang excitement. They only see me as puppet, huh.

"Will you love me if ever?"

Her lips parted. She looks so shock because of what I asked.

"What are you trying to say, Brix?"

I smiled bitterly and shook my head. "Nothing, Mom." She took a deep breath before she nodded and turned her back against me. My eyes heated because of tears. "Mom," I called.

She stopped and face me. "Hmm?"

Umawang ang labi ko pero sa huli ay tinikom ko ito bago umiling. "Nothing. I just love you."

She nodded again. "Alright."

I bit my lower lip when she did not response.

They are treating me like a trash. I knew it. I never felt their love since I was a kid. Never. Namulat ako na puro galit ang pinapamukha nila sakin.

They are blaming me because I am a man. They always wanted to have sa daughter because women can make money according to them.

They are treating me bad, but I can't hate them. They are my parents. My mom and dad. I still love them. Especially my mom.

I'm fucking longing for her love. Inggit na inggit ako sa mga pinsan ko sa Pilipinas dahil mahal na mahal sila ng mga nanay nila samantalang ako... kailangan pang may patunayan para lang mahalin ako ng sarili kong ina.

I'm scared that I might do what she wants kahit na hindi ko gusto. Sana walang gano'n. Sana wala dahil alam ko sa sarili kong pipiliin kong sunduin siya.

I remembered when I was a kid. Say 8 years old. I went to dad because I want him to teach me how to ride a bike since my classmates told me that their dads are teaching them how to ride one.

"Dad," I called him. He's laughing with mommy.

He sighed and her smile disappeared when he saw me. "What is it, Brix?" He asked with his deep voice.

"Teach me how to ride a bike, please?" I made a cute look para pagbigyan niya ako, but instead, he laughed at me.

"Your son is crazy. Tingin niya ba talaga magsasayang ako ng oras para lang sakanya?"

Feels like someone gripped my chest.

Mom laughed beside him. "Hindi ko alam dito kay Brix." Mom rolled her eyes at me. "Go away, Brix. You're ruining our mood."

Tumungo ako at walang sabing umalis do'n.

See? Ever since I was a kid. I never recieved and kind of love from them.

There are some nights that I am asking myself. Is it hard to love your own child? Is it hard to love your son?

Someday, kapag naging daddy na rin ako, I will never hurt my child. I will give all my love to my baby. Hinding hindi ko gagawin ang ginagawa sakin nina mommy ngayon.

And to my future wife, I hope you're a good woman. Let's raise our kids together and love them as much as we love each other.

The first time I meet Dereck, Jackson, Crystal, and Shawn, I can say that they're nice. They're good kids. Ewan ko kay mommy kung bakit niya sinasabing gano'n ang mga pinsan ko.

"Hi, Diego!" Tita Elaine went to me. She's the mother of Dereck.

"Nice to see you, Tita." I greeted back. She kissed me on my cheek.

Mom, beside me cleared her throat.

"Oh, Divina... nice to see you." Tita Elaine smirked at mom.

Mom just raised her brow. "Where's papa?"

"He's insid---"

Nabigla ako nang bigla akong hinila ni mommy papasok sa mansion. Ni hindi kami nakapag-paalam sa mga kapatid niya.

"Papa!" Mom screamed as she went to Grandpa L to give him a kiss.

"Good that you're here, Divina and your husban, too." Dad greeted him and gave him a wonderful smile.

I scoffed.

"Of course, Papa! Anyway, here's Diego Brix." Hinila ako ni Mommy papunta sa harap ni Grandpa L.

"Oh, you aged!" He laughed. Inabot ko ang kamay niya para mag-bless. "Very good!"

Ginawa ko ang lahat para hindi ngumiwi. He's treating me like a child. I'm 15!

We talked a little there before I excused myself and went to pool area. I need to breath. Being with my parents is suffocating me.

"Are you both stupid? Lagot tayo kapag nahuli tayo!" My brows furrowed when I heard Crystal's voice.

Ilang hakbang ang ginawa ko bago ko nakita ang tatlo. Dereck, Jackson, and Crystal. May hawak silang bote ng beer.

"Shut your mouth, Crystal. Mahuhuli talaga tayo kapag nag-ingay ka--- holyshit!"

Muntik nang maihagis ni Jackson ang bote ng beer nang makita akong nakatayo at pinapanood sila. Nagkatinginan pa silang tatlo.

I chuckled as I shook my head.

"Hindi ako magsusumbong, don't worry." Sabay sabay na kumalma ang mga mukha nila. "But in one condition."

Dereck raised his brow. "What is it?"

I smirked. "Pahingi rin ako."

Crystal laughed before she urged me to come near them. Lumapit ako agad sakanila. Jackson gave me a plastic cup before he poured the beer on it.

When our cups are all ready, we're staring to each other.

"I'll count on 3." Dereck said. "One... two... three!"

Sabay sabay naming ininom ang mga nasa baso namin. The beer taste like shit!

"Shit!" Jackson shouted nang idura sakanya ni Crystal ang nasa bibig nito.

"You're gross, Crystal!" Dereck shouted, too.

"Lessen your voices. Our parents might hear us." Paalala ko.

"Shit. I'm sorry. Ang pangit lang talaga ng lasa." Crystal said.

That was our first encounter. First and last I think. Dahil pagkatapos no'n, bumalik ulit kami sa bansang pinanggalingan namin.

Huli na nag mabalitaan kong nagka-away sina Mommy at ang mga kapatid niya. I don't know, but I have this feeling na sira na rin ang image ko sa mga kamag-anak ko sa Pilipinas.

"Damn this, Brix! Napaka-bobo mo!" My mom slapped me my report card after she saw it.

"What's wrong, Mommy?"

"Lahat ng grades mo rito, A+! Bakit may isa kang A lang, ha?! You are stupid!" Hinampas niya ulit sakin ang report card.

I closed my eyes. A+ is the highest grade here. Nasa 97-100 'yon while and A ay pangalawa sa mataas. Nasa 93-96 naman. Isa lang ang A ko at puro A+ na lang kaya paanong... naging bobo ako?

"Wala ka na talagang maipagmamalaki! You are horribly stupid!"

Ngumiwi ako.

Sa isang subject 'yon. Puyat ako nang mag-exam kami at 'yon ang subject. Puyat ako dahil inayos ko ang papers ni Dad.

I saw him sleeping in his office. Nakatulog ito sa pagco-compile ng mga kailangan para sa negosyo nila ni Mommy. Ako ang gumawa no'n. Napuyat ako kakagawa no'n at hindi nakapag-review.

They are more than happy when they recieved the news na maganda nag nagawang compile. Wala silang idea na ako ang gumawa.

I suddenly realized that I have future in business. Binasa ko lang ang ginagawa ni daddy and it turned out perfect.

I will create my own business or company soon. That's a promise.

"Hindi madaling makakuha ng ganyang grade, Mom. Please appreciate---"

"Appreciate?! Alin? Itong kabobohan mo, ha? God, Brix! Kung ganito ka ka-bobo, paano mo matataasan ang mga pinsan mo n'yan? Paano mo makukuha ang simpatya ni Papa?!" She shouted.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.

I slowly nod. "I'll do better next time, Mom. I'm sorry."

Binato niya sakin ang report card. "Gawin mo, Brix! Gawin mo!"

Hanggang sa tumanda ako ay hindi ko naramdaman ang pagmamahal nila sakin. I slowly had this desire to make them love me. Kahit isang beses lang.

At the age of 25, I am man enough and married, but I am still fucking longing for my mother's love.

Lagi akong binubusog ng asawa ko ng pagmamahal and I love her so much, too. But there's somehing inside me na hindi kompleto.

I have this feeling that I won't be complete kung kahit isang beses sa buhay ko, hindi ko mararamdaman ng pagmamahal sakin ng sarili kong ina.

I am so desperate to the point that I can do everything and I will do everything just to feel her love.

hi! so, ito yung dinagdag kong chapter. kung nabasa niyo 'to noong una, mapapansin niyong wala 'tong chapter na 'to. naisipan ko kasing mag-dagdag pa ng chapter and diego's pov this time.