DIEGO

"SIR, MISS Crizia called again. She wants to have a minute with you," Bumaling ang tingin ko sa bago kong secretary.

"Really?"

"Yes, Sir. Should I let her?" Hindi ako sumagot.

Today is her wedding day. Iniisip ko pa kung pupunta ako. Ilang araw nang nangungulit si Crizia para makausap ulit ako pero lahat 'yon, hindi ko pinapaunlakan.

For what? Gusto niyang ipamukha sakin na masaya sila at magkaka-anak na while me is still miserable?

"No," I said.

Ilang araw ko nang pinag-iisipan ang pagpunta sa kasal niya. Actually, isang oras pa bago magsimula ang kasal niya pero hindi pa ako nakakapagdesisyon kung pupunta ba ako.

She got pregnant by Caleb. She's pregnant with Caleb's child. Sa ilang beses na umuuwi nang gabi ang lalaking 'yon, lagi nilang ginagawa 'yon?

"I will attend on her wedding,"

...

I RAISED MY BROW at Caleb who's looking at me. He's waiting for his bride yet he's staring at me. What's his problem? Simula nang dumating ako sa simbahan kung saan gaganapin ang kasal nila ay hindi na naalis ang tingin niya sakin.

Right. Today is her wedding day. I decided to go and to witness her special day.

It hurts, yes, but what can I do? Ayokong pilitin siyang bumalik sakin. I understand her pain. I know that I hurted her so much and it's not easy to forgive me.

She lost her family after she chose me. I wonder how hurt she was.

I blocked her and her friend's number because I'm bitter. Why is she calling me, anyway? Para ipamukha saking masaya siya? Right after her wedding, I'm going back to Philippines for our restaurant.

Ilang gabi akong hindi nakatulog nang maayos nang sinabi niyang buntis siya. I want to be happy for her, but I can't.

I glared at Caleb who's still looking at me.

How dare him impregnate Crizia kahit hindi pa sila kasal!

I told one of my men to go after Zia because I want to make sure that she's okay and happy. Sinabi sakin na ilang gabi nang laging nando'n ang fiancee niya at gabi na umuwi. Hindi naman ako tanga para isiping naglaro lang sila ng chess sa gano'ng oras.

"The bride is here!" Nagsitayuan lahat ng tao nang ianunsyo na nandito na si Zia.

I looked at the entrance. It's not open, yet. Crizia's there. I can't help, but to remember our wedding. Naging mabilis ang kasal namin dahil ayoko nang patagalin pa. Alam kong hindi 'yon ang dream wedding niya, but what can I do? I want to marry her right away.

I wonder if what will happen if I chose her over my family? My ambition? My family's ambition to be exact. I bet we already have children. My plan was to have 3 or more babies with her.

I chuckled because of my thoughts. Sana nga pinili ko na lang siya. Now, I don't know what to do. I can't imagine myself being someone else's husband.

I can only imagine myself waking up next to her. Hmm. So, this is how it feels, huh. Ang hindi piliin.

Nang mabalitaan ng parents ko noon na nanalo si Dereck sa competition, they immediately cut off our connection. They even announced or declared that I'm not part of them anymore because I didn't win the competition.

It's not that easy to find a girl who's willing to have my child. Right after the competition, I tried to look for Crizia pero hindi na ito nakatira sa mansion na binili ko para samin. Hindi ko na siya nakita pagkatapos no'n.

I went to Baguio, Ilocos, and Mindoro to find myself. I'm trying to look for a new home until I went to Palawan and then I saw Brianna with her baby which is Spiro.

I found my new home with them.

In fact, it wasn't Brianna who became my new home, but her son. Her son's smile lightened up my world.

Unti unting bumukas ang pinto ng simabahan. Unti unti ay nakita ko rin siya. Walang belo ang mukha niya kaya malaya kong nakikita ang maamo niyang mukha.

She's wearing her beautiful wedding dress. She looks stunning. She's glowing, too. Maybe because she's pregnant that's why she's glowing.

I looked down at her tummy. Hindi pa masyadong kita ang baby niya pero kung titignan mo nang mabuti, mahahalata mo na. Gano'n ba talaga kapag buntis?

Hindi sa groom napunta ang tingin niya kung hindi sa mga bisita nilang nakangiti. Ako lang ata ang hindi nakangiti.

Why would I do that? Hindi naman ako masaya.

She scanned the church. I did not expect her to look at me, but suddenly, her eyes met mine. Her eyes widened when she saw me.

"Diego..." She mouthed.

She even stoppped from walking when she saw me. Why did she stopped? Don't tell me she changed her mind?

Hindi ba dapat galit siya dahil lagi kong hindi pinapaunlakan ang mga pangyayaya niya?

Kahit labag sa loob ko ay tumango ako para tumuloy siya. Kitang kita ko kung paano nabigo ang mga mata niya nang tumango ako.

I watched her walking the aisle with her wedding dress. I watched her walking with a little smile and teary eyes.

I gulped when our eyes met again. She smiled at me so I smiled back. I'm happy for her--- well, a little. Yeah, this is what I want. I want her to be happy with the man who can love her as much as I could and who will choose her every time. Wait, silly me. I don't think someone can love her more than I can.

It hurts seeing my wife-ex wife-getting married with other man. This is really my karma. I left her the day she needed me the most. I chose my ambition over her.

I chose my ambition over my wife. All I can say is you were once mine and now, you will be his. I will try my best to be happy for her.

Maybe this life time is not for us, Crizia, but I hope that in another life you will be mine again. And when that happens, I will keep you and I will never let you go just like what I did.

Nakita ko kung paano tinanggap ni Caleb ang kamay ni Zia at kung paano sila humarap sa pari.

Wala sa sariling bumaling ang tingin ko sa kaibigan ni Zia which is Paula. She's looking at me and seems like she wants to say something.

"Before I start this wedding, I want to know if there's someone who's not in favor to this wedding?"

Bumaling si Crizia sakin. What's with her look? Gusto niya bang pigilan ko ang kasal niya? Is she crazy? How about her baby?

Nagpatuloy ang seremonya ng pari na hindi ko na pinakinggan dahil nakatuon ang atensyon ko kay Zia.

She's playing her hands at parang hindi mapakali. Caleb whispered something and that made Zia shook her head.

"Caleb Conception, do you take this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together in the holy bounds of matrimony? To love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her so long as you both shall live?"

"I do,"

My jaw tightened. Come on, Diego. Why don't you stop and ruin their wedding? Try to court and chase Crizia again?

Damn it!

"Crizia Aguilar, do you take this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together in the holy bounds of matrimony? To love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him so long as you both shall live?"

Say no, Zia.

Hindi agad siya nakasagot sa sinabi ng pari. Kinailangan pang kalabitin siya ni Caleb.

"H-ha?"

What?

"I'm asking you if do you take him as your wedded husband?"

"Ah... uhm..."

Unti unting nagbulungan ang mga tao dahil hindi siya makasagot. Kinakausap na rin siya ni Caleb, but she's not answering.

Nagtagal pa ang pag-uusap nila sa harap na hindi ko na rin narinig. Until she cried and shook her head.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." Unti unti niyang binawi ang kamay sa groom and then she started to run away...

What the fuck?!

Nag-sitayuan lahat ng mga tao para sundan ng tingin si Crizia. I stood up to see her, too. I looked at Caleb who's just looking at her.

Wala ba siyang balak habulin si Crizia?

His eyes met mine. Nanlaki ang mata ko nang sinenyasan niya akong habulin si Zia.

Is this really happening? How about their baby?

The hell I care, anyway? I can be the father of her baby if ever. This is my chance, right? Right?!

So, I chased her.

...

Where the hell is she? Ang bilis naman niya tumakbo? Hindi siya pwedeng tumakbo, right? She's pregnant!

Right. She's pregnant pero bakit umatras siya? Hindi ba alam ni Caleb ang about sa baby nila? Damn. Kung hindi pala siya sigurado sa lalaking 'yon, bakit nagpabuntis pa siya?

Nang mapadpad ako sa park, doon ko lang siya nakita. She's covering her face with her hands habang nakatago sa puno.

I suddenly remembered myself. My wedding day with Brianna. Nasa park din kami nang hindi ko siya sinipot.

She's crying.

"Crizia..."

Umangat ang tingin niya sakin na parang gulat na gulat. Her tears fell when she saw me.

Umupo ako sa harap niya. I caressed her hands as I wiped her tears. She rested her head on my chest. Niyakap ko siya agad.

"Shh... You can still go back," She shook her head. "He's still waiting, Zia."

Umangat siya para inis akong tignan.

"Hindi na ako babalik do'n,"

CRIZIA

"Hindi na ako babalik do'n,"

Unti unting nalaglag ang panga niya sa sinabi ko. Seryoso ako sa sinabi kong kung hindi niya pipigilan ang kasal ko, ako ang gagawa ng paraan.

"H-huh? How about the baby?" Bumaba pa ang tingin niya sa t'yan ko.

Gusto ko siyang tawanan sa itsura niya. Akala ba niya talaga si Caleb ang ama nitong baby ko? Tingin niya ba magagawa kong gawin ang bagay na 'yon sa iba?

Inangat ko ang kamay ko para haplusin ang pisngi niya.

Nakokonsensya ako dahil sa ginawa ko. Nasaktan ko siya. Kung ano anong ginawa ko para ipagtabuyan siya.

"Tama na, Diego..."

"What do you mean? Bakit umatras ka sa kasal niyo? I thought you want it?" Nahimigan ko ang inis sa boses niya.

"Want? Tingin mo ba talaga gusto kong maikasal sakanya?" Akala ko noon gusto ko din para mapigilan ko ang nararamdaman ko kay Diego.

"Y-you told me-"

Umiling ako. "Ang tanga ko. Tangina, ayokong umuwi sakanya. Gusto ko pa ring umuwi sayo." Pag-amin ko.

"What do you mean?"

"You're still my home. My long lost home..." I broke down. Para akong batang umiyak at humikbi sa harapan niya.

Ang gaan sa pakiramdam dahil nasabi ko na sakanya 'yon. Pagkatapos ng lahat, it's still him. I will always love him.

Inilapit ko ang mukha ko sakanya para mahalikan ko siya kahit saglit. I smiled at him after we kissed. Unti unting tumulo ang luha niya nang marealized ang nangyayari.

"Zia..."

"Nasa bakasyon pa lang tayo alam ko na naman na mahal pa rin kita. Na nandito pa rin, pero mas pinili kong saktan ka. Gusto kong maramdaman mo yung sakit. Pero sumobra na ata ako. Nang narinig ko ang sinabi mong tinakwil ka sainyo, hindi 'yon naging sapat na dahilan. Masakit pa rin kasi."

"I-I-"

"Sobrang sakit ng lahat. Lahat lahat ng nangyari. You know what? I can easily kill myself because I lost you, I lost my family, but one thing is freaking stopping me. And that's you. I was hoping that you will comeback, Diego."

Kahit anong sabi ko noon sa sarili ko na hindi ko na siya mahal, alam kong sa loob loob ko, hindi ko siya kayang hindi mahalin.

"I came back, Zia," I nodded.

"Gusto kong sumbatan ka. Gusto ko pang sumbatan ka pero nakakapagod na. What's the purpose of talking about the past if we can get through with that? I don't know." Umiling siya at hinagkan ang kamay ko.

"I don't mind if you-"

"Ayoko na, Diego. Ayoko na maging miserable. Gusto ko naman ulit maging masaya. Gusto kong maging masaya ulit. Pagod na pagod na 'kong magtanim ng galit sayo. Mahirap pagsabayin 'to. Itong pagmamahal at galit ko sayo. Mas gusto kong bumalik sayo at kalimutan ang galit ko."

Namilog ang mata niya sa sinabi ko. Gulat na gulat siya at parang mahihimatay na.

"H-huh? Y-you are telling me..."

I cupped his face and went closer to him. I look deeply in his eyes as I whispered.

"Magpakasal tayo ulit. Magsimula tayo ulit. Let's start again."