When Alec comes home it is already late in the evening. He looks tired and exhausted. His hair is sticking up wildly in all directions. However, I suspect that this is his normal state. Because so far, I haven't seen him any other way. His eyes are red and he yawns heavily as he steps through the door into the living room. In his hands he holds a heavy beige jacket with several pockets, the dark brown shirt is sweaty and lies tight against his body. He runs his other hand nervously through his hair.

Alec doesn't seem to have noticed me yet. I sit on the sofa, a book in my hands, and watch him as he slides the jacket gingerly to the floor. His slender fingers undo the buckle of his belt and the sound of metal on metal triggers a memory in me that sends my muscles into instant tension. Alec undoes the buttons of his trousers, stops, reaches into his side leg pockets and pulls out his phone. I hear the steady hum, the glowing display illuminating his face. Alec sighs loudly and rolls his eyes.

"Izzy", he says wearily. Izzy is his sister. She's getting married in the next few weeks. Or days? Or is she already married? I have no idea. We haven't talked about it. Like so many things we haven't.

"No I haven't asked him", I hear Alec say, watching him meanwhile push his trousers off his hips. One-handed. His shorts slide lower as he does so, exposing his hip bone. Alec clamps the phone between his ear and shoulder and turns slightly. With a jerk, he slides his shorts from his hips down his legs, bends over and tries to get out of them. As he does so, he presents me with his really handsome backside and I swallow dryly at his next words.

"Why didn't I ask him? Well, where do I start? He doesn't want me in his life. I'm just tolerated here. For the next few months, I'm his roommate. After that, everyone goes their separate ways. I don't want to spend the next few years looking at your wedding pictures and thinking about him. My mind is made up. Because I'm not sure I can bear it."

Alec's words hit me hard. This conversation is definitely not meant for my ears. After Alec gets rid of his pants, he puts them with his jacket and slips an arm through his shirt. It's really time I made my presence known. But I can't. I'm too spellbound by the show I'm in and his words, still echo in my head. The phone moves to the other side, the removed shirt to the rest of my clothes.

Nervous hands find their way back into his hair and I can see he is literally tearing his hair out.

"Izzy", Alec suddenly says loudly and very firmly. I wince slightly and I'm sure his sister is feeling the same way right now.

"I had a long day, a short sleepless night. And no, that wasn't because of mattress sports with Magnus. I'm tired and my back hurts. Let's talk about it tomorrow okay? The shower is already calling me. And a big plate of pasta. I love you Izzy."

With my mouth open I look at Alec and can hardly believe it. This man is unbelievable. He's so young, but his charisma makes him seem older. More experienced.

"Say hello to Simon for me. See you tomorrow Izzy. Don't get carried away, will you? Take care little sister." Alec ends the call and gathers his things. He goes straight into the bathroom and a moment later I hear the water of the shower rushing. For a while I just sit there and stare at the door behind which Alec has disappeared. He loves his siblings. And they love him. I can feel that.

Sibling love is a precious commodity. So is the love of a parent for their child. Both leave a twinge in my heart. I always wanted a whole stable full of little brothers and sisters. And the unconditional love of my parents.

Pasta. Alec must be ravenous. A welcome distraction to banish the gloomy thoughts that arise. The sound of water still filters through the walls to my ears. My joints crack as I rise from the not exactly joint-friendly position I've been in for a few minutes.

I inherited my love of cooking from my mother. As a public prosecutor, she was a busy woman. But as often as her time allowed, she performed true masterpieces in the kitchen. Even at a young age, I helped her with the preparations and later also with the cooking. They were always light-hearted moments and I like to connect these beautiful memories.

"That smells fantastic", Alec murmurs in my ear and I flinch, startled. It wasn't long ago that we were in a similar situation. Alec stands close behind me and puts his hands on my hips. Very lightly, hardly noticeable. But so unbelievably intense for me.

The smell of fresh wood and sawdust, mixed with a slight hint of his busy day have faded. Replaced by the fresh aroma of sea and salt.

"I hope you like pasta", I reply. It's better if Alec doesn't know I overheard his phone call.

"Can you read minds? Pasta was at the top of my list for tonight", he replies.

"No", I say with a laugh.

"But pasta is always good."

"Have you been home long? I didn't hear you come in?", asks Alec. By now he has pulled away from me and even though his touch was barely noticeable, the feeling of missing soon sets in.

A feeling that I haven't felt for a long time. A feeling that is completely out of place here.

"A little longer. Sit down. Let's eat and talk. I think this is long overdue", I say and Alec nods.

"It is. And I'm glad you think so too."