"Hello my son." Everything is spinning in my head. Gloomy darkness and icy cold mix with suppressed feelings and words that have not yet been forgotten. "What do you want here?", I ask angrily.

"I wanted to see you. Talk to you and hear what you have experienced in recent years", he says casually. My hands clench into fists and anger as hot as lava from the deepest depths of the largest volcano gathers in my stomach. The longer I stand here and look my father in the eye, the greater my anger becomes.

"What are you interested in?", I scream at this person who I hate so much. My father winces slightly and Alec takes a step towards me. I raise my hand and signal that he should stop.

"Not Alec", I say pleadingly and curse myself for breaking my voice. But I can't control it. The whole thing is too much and my heart feels like someone keeps squeezing it tight. And that someone is Alec.

"Magnus. Let's talk", Alec says, but I shake my head vehemently.

"No", I press out angrily between clenched teeth. The grinding of my teeth can be clearly heard. It breaks the silence around us. I breathe heavily and have to force myself not to beat the man across from me with all my might. For many years I screamed at the raging sea. The wind carried so many words with it and now I can't think of a single one. I feel strangely empty, tired and exhausted. My father is the first to break the silence. I don't want to hear what he has to say. I don't care about his justifications. But he doesn't even think about how I'm doing right now.

"How are you?", he asks and I laugh scornfully.

"Wonderful. Simply fantastic", I answer, looking past my father and straight into Alec's guilty face. I put my arms protectively around my upper body and claw my hands in my sides. My father looks at me with a smile and I would like to throw up at his feet. The audacity of just showing up here is outdone by his innocent smile. How does he manage to pretend nothing happened? As if he hadn't left his son alone with his terminally ill wife ten years ago. The hatred of the man who calls himself my father is immeasurable. So many memories come crashing down on me I hear my mother laughing when I visit Central Park on Sundays. The lemony aroma of a mild summer night with the shrill chirping of the cicadas mixes with the smell of disinfectant and the suffering of a dying woman. Whispered words in the night and a broken promise.

"I have nothing to say to you." Actually, I want to clarify a lot. Words full of anger and anger and the sadness of an abandoned child that I would like to shout in his face.

"I'm sorry about what happened. I know it's too late to apologize. But please listen to me", he says and comes up to me with his hands up. A gesture of peace and just so wrong for me in this bizarre situation. I want to get away. Escape. Escape the situation and this conversation. But I can barely move and instead try to get a grip on my breathing, which is far too fast. My heart is beating way too fast. I close my eyes for a moment and make a decision. My father is standing right in front of me and his piercing gaze is the last impulse to let the volcano erupt in me.

"You betrayed us. You left us alone. You left Mum. At a time when she would have needed you most. But not only her. I would have needed my father too. You just left. Without a word or an explanation. You have no idea what we've been through", I scream at him.

"If I hadn't had Ragnor, I wouldn't be here today. Raphael and Andrew also took care of me. They were all there for me. In the time when Mum cried in pain every day and I couldn't help her. Every day I have asked me where you are and how you could just walk like that. Every day I wrestled with the decision of how to go on. I will never forget the day Mum died", I say and walk past my father in the direction of the large terrace window. I am still clutching my body protectively. With thoughts deep in the past, I look into the garden and remember.

"The hospital room was cold and there was nothing more than a bed, a cupboard and a small table with two chairs. I hated the cables and hoses that led to machines that beeped incessantly and supplied Mum with medication. But I hated it was the only way to monitor her and not to surrender prematurely. But at some point it was no longer. It was snowing, as it is now and I was holding Mum protectively in my arms. Her petite body was emaciated and her skin pale. Mum was humming softly and silent tears flowed from her eyes. I was eighteen years old and sobbing held my dying mother in my arms", I say softly and yet my voice sounds unnaturally loud in my ears.

"I'm sorry Magnus", says my father. I don't miss the sadness in his voice. But I'm not buying it from him. "Me too. For the fact that Mum believed until the very end that you would come back to her", I answer accusingly and feel Alec's warm hand on my shoulder. I take a deep breath with my eyes closed. It hurts me to be near. I am becoming more and more aware that Alec is the one who contacted my father. I wonder how. How did Alec know where he was?

"I wrote to her. Shortly after I left. I owed her that. And you", he says and I can only snort contemptuously.

"I don't want to hear it. Go. Leave my house", I say flatly and slide Alec's hand off my shoulder. I don't want the touch now. The memory hurts too much. But the pain over Alec's betrayal is even greater.

"Let me make it up to you."

"Get out of here", I scream at my father. I turned around so abruptly and unexpectedly that my shoulder clashed against Alec's chest and he hissed in a breath. My father, on the other hand, looks at me with wide eyes and tries to find a way out that doesn't make him look like the biggest ass of the century. I see it very clearly. No regrets, no pain. Just horror at my raised voice and my face twisted with anger. I'm hot, I'm sweating. My hands are clenched in fists and the nails dig painfully into the sensitive skin of my palms.

"I hate you. You're a coward. A lousy asshole that just runs away and and ... oh you're just a lousy cowardly asshole. I needed you. Mum needed you. But you just ran away. Like cowardly assholes just do that."

"I know Magnus. It does me ..."

"Save yourself your apology. I don't want to hear it. Get out of here and never be seen again. I swear to you, if you show up here again, I hope you can run fast." I say angrily. Every muscle in my body is tense and my jaw is already aching.

"Okay. As you like. Alec has my number. You can call me anytime", he says and leaves without another word. Once again he disappears from my life. Only this time I'm the one who drove him out.

"Magnus", I hear Alec say behind me and the arms that usually protect and catch me are now heavy as lead around my body. Alec stands close behind me and presses hard against my back. His hug tightens my breath and I just want to scream.