Rasha

While I'm sitting on the bus to school I try to close my eyes and rest for a little bit. I couldn't sleep a wink last night, I tried but I couldn't stop thinking about Mr.Bashar and that kiss. That fucking kiss destroyed me, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I even counted sheeps to 1269 and still couldn't sleep. And what he said, gosh my heart. That he loves me, he really said he loves me. But It doesn't make any sense, I thought I was the one who liked him. I'm his student, and he's my teacher. We shouldn't have gotten this close from the whole beginning, this is wrong. Our feelings, god everything is wrong.

Stagfrullah, ya ilahi please forgive me for my actions. Forgive me for what I've done, forgive me for everything else I'm about to do in this life that is wrong. I will try, try to make everything right even everything is wrong in my life. Please keep me safe from everything that will harm me and my family.

Now I should take care of the rest. Rule number one, Act like nothing happened yesterday. Rule number two, avoid Mr.Bashar. Rule number three, stop acting emotional because you're about to drop your Crown. Period!

Offf, that's easy. Right?

When I walk into school I saw the other students laughing, joking, and arguing as usual. I walk over to my friends who are leaning on their lockers. When they lay their eyes on me smiles appear on their faces. ''Rasha! My girl! We missed you.'' Medina laughs. I roll my eyes and folded my arms. ''Sure, missed me.'' I said locking up my locker.

''Are you feeling better?'' I heard Tamara ask. I looked over to her, yes I lied about me feeling sick. That's because I didn't dare to face Mr.Bashar, I couldn't after that kiss. I fake cough before I answer, ''Well, yes um... just *cough* a little sore throat.'' I replied with a weak smile. Donia caresses my back, ''Inshallah you'll feel better soon.'' She adds. Pfft, I could easily trick these bitches. ''Oh my god girl, tomorrow is your birthday!'' I see Medina jump around. Right, I almost forgot.

The girls look at me confused, ''Don't tell me you forgot your own birthday!'' Tamara widens her eyes. I mean how could I not when that kiss is destroying my mind. ''You're really weird, how could someone forget their own birthday,'' Medina chuckles.

As we're on our way to separated classes we talk a little more. ''Yeah, but literally. It was so boring without you yesterday.'' Medina huffed. I smirk and shrug my shoulders, ''What can I say?'' I flip my hijab like it was my hair and they laugh. Tamara wraps her arm around my shoulder. ''So, what really happened between you and Mr.Bashar yesterday? You made him search for you around the whole school.''

They laugh and I wide my eyes, Saiid searched for me around the whole school? Wha- But, oh gosh why am I feeling bad. Rasha, remember! Act as nothing happened, avoid him and stop being so fucking emotional! ''Um... we, how should I explain. We had a small fight, nothing more.'' I stutter. ''Are you sure he didn't kiss you?'' Medina winks at me. I wide my eyes at her, how did she know? But I-

I hear them burst out laughing, ''I'm just kidding, look at her.'' They continued to laugh and I fake laughed with them to keep up with the act. Damn, this is scaring the shit out of me.

When I finish my first class, which is chemistry, Ms.Gardenia asks me to stay behind. Mrs.Gardenia is my homeroom teacher, so when I have done something wrong or my grades are about to fall down she talks to me. I really like her, she's kind and she's really funny. When everyone left she lays her eyes on me. ''Rasha, you know I care about and cherish you so much.'' She caresses my arm.

I give her a confusing smile and nod. Why is she acting like this? I'm getting scared. ''And these days, I don't know, you look like you're going through stuff. So if you have something in mind, tell me. You can see me as your friend and not teacher, I'll always be here to help.'' She says with a worried tone.

Damn not even my parents talk to me like that. They've never noticed something wrong these past few days, and even if they did they wouldn't even ask what's wrong. laugh and hug her, ''Thank you Ms.Gardenia. It really means much, thank you for caring for me.'' I simply say and I hear giggle against my ear.

Before I pull away I hear the door to the classroom unlock, I turn around to look who's coming in. Then my eyes lay on him, and his eyes lay on me. I feel my body tingling and my heart is about to go crazy. I gulp and look down at my shoes. ''uh- I brought the notes you were asking for Natalie.'' I heard his deep voice say. All of a sudden an image of us kissing popped up in my head. I squeeze my eyes, ugh I hate my freaking mind.

''Thank you, Saiid. What would I do without you?'' Natalie says with a happy tone. I see Mr.Bashar reaching the notes to her and she takes them and puts them down on her desk. I'm struggling to talk, It fell like my tongue just feels off. ''Um... then I'll excuse myself. I'll see you later Ms.Gardenia.'' I stutter. She smiles at me before I leave her classroom. Off, you can breathe now Rasha. You're safe. Remember, don't drop your Crown.

While I'm walking to my next class I feel a hand grabbing my wrist, I feel myself spin around and I see Mr.Bashar looking down at me. Breathe, Rasha breathe... You know what to do, act like nothing happened yesterday. ''Let's talk.'' He's still holding onto my wrist, tightly. I look at my wrist to show him to let go, but he doesn't. ''There's nothing to talk about, so please let go before anyone sees.'' I say with an annoyed expression on my face.

He sighs, he's frustrated. I can see that he can't handle my attitude. If he only knew I'm doing this for him. I don't want him to risk his job, or maybe even he'll end up in jail if someone founds out what we did. He drags me into some random classroom and furiously shuts the door after we get in. He presses my back onto a wall and puts his two hands between my head.

He leans closer to my face and our noses are almost touching, I felt my whole body getting weaker. I feel my arms tingling and my knees turning into jelly. No! Don't let him win over you, remember Rasha! Remember! ''Listen, I'm not trying to play these game so you better shut your mouth and pay attention.'' He almost whispers. I shut my mouth to not make him upset, he's already going crazy.

''I didn't mean to kiss you yesterday, but I couldn't hold me to myself anymore. And my feelings, they are real. I love you, I love you so fucking much you can't understand. I want you, no I need you. God, Rasha you don't know what you've done to me.''

What he says makes my heart flutter, oh gosh it never stops. I just want to kiss him until I can't feel my lips anymore. But I can't, no I can't. This is forbidden in every way, I can only love him and nothing more. We shouldn't go further, and I shouldn't confess too.

I should save my feelings for myself, I shouldn't give him any hopes. ''Saiid.'' I placed my hands on his chest, ''Yesterday was a mistake that shouldn't have happened.'' I say with confidence, even though it feels like I'm about to melt. He lets out a humorless chuckle as he runs his hand through his hair furiously. ''Rasha, don't pretend you didn't like what happened as much as I did.'' He says. I wide my eyes at him, what the fuck does he think I am? My hand squeezed of anger, I wanted to yell at him and kick him.

But I couldn't, because he was right. I loved it, I loved how he made me feel when he kissed me. And I wanted it, oh gosh how much I wanted it. But I can't let him think that, I can't let him think that I'm in love with him. ''You've lost your mind, you know that?'' I snap at him. He doesn't say a word, nor does he look at me with emotion. So this is my chance, this is my chance to end this all. Even though I don't want this I have to do this.

''Saiid, I don't feel anything for you. I don't love you or like you more than a teacher. I only see you as a kind-hearted teacher, so who fooled you into thinking me having feelings for you?'' I tried so hard to not tremble, It was so hard speaking. But I think I succeed, his whole expression turned to a surprised one. His eyes widen and I even heard his heart racing. ''You know that nothing can happen between us, I mean come on you're my teacher and I'm *giggles* your student.'' I fake laugh. But It sounds so real. I wanted him to know that I didn't care about his feelings, even though I do.

All of a sudden I hear a loud bang beside my ear, that's when I realized Mr.Bashar punched the wall beside my head. My heart dropped as my hands started shaking like crazy. That's when I knew that I should never joke when Mr.Bashar is pissed. ''Does it fucking look like I'm laughing, huh? Does fucking look like I'm having fun Rasha?! Tell me!'' He shouts at me. I hold back the tears that are trying to escape my eyes, I couldn't show him that this was hurting me.

''You know what? Fuck it if you have to joke about my feelings.'' And with that, he left. As soon as I heard the door shut I immediately felt myself on the floor. The tears I was holding back was flooding down my cheeks. I can't, I can't do this anymore. I'm hurting him as I'm hurting myself, and It's killing me. I can't stand him like this, I want him to laugh and smile. I don't want him to be hurt because of me, I don't fucking deserve him.

I slowly got up and opened the door to make my way out, I wiped my tears away so no one could see that I had been crying. But what was the point, no one was in sight. Everyone was in their classes and I was ten minutes late already. I ran towards my locker to get my math binders, and as soon as I got them I ran towards my class. When I got in I saw that Mr.Benth was explaining stuff. Everyone noticed me and they looked over to me, ''Ms.Hamadini, you're late.'' He says, as if I don't already know.

''I'm sorry, it won't ever happen again...'' I said with a soft tone. He orders me to take a seat and I do. I take a seat next to Tamara. ''Rasha, where have you been?'' She asks with furrowed eyebrows. I look at her, ''I was in the bathroom struggling to fix my hijab.'' I lie, but I guess she fell for it. ''Next time you could ask to come with you.'' I heard Medina whisper from behind. I don't answer, I wasn't in the mood to even talk. Not after what happened.

Saiid

Yes, I was too harsh on her. I could see the horror in her eyes when I shouted at her or when I punched the wall beside her head. But I couldn't stand how she laughed at me like I was some kind of fucking joke. God, she's driving me wild and I don't know what to do. When she told me that she didn't feel the same way, it broke me. Fucking hell, what did I think when I confessed my feelings for her? She fucking made fun of me as I fucking thought. God, I feel so frustrated. I wanted to beat someone so hard, I can't control myself anymore.

What did I think? She would love me too? Mac was right, I should have just lost these fucking feelings since I realized I was into her. Gosh, what has she done with me?

''Sup Mr.Bash- oh shit Mr.Bashar you're bleeding.'' I hear someone say, I look up and glance my student Trey. He widened his eyes on my hand, I look down at my hand and see blood dripping down my knuckles. I let out a loud a sigh, I was so frustrated that I didn't know that I was bleeding. ''What happened?'' He asks with a worried tone. I fake smile at him, ''Don't worry, nothing happened. But shouldn't you be in class right now?''

He still has his eyes on my hand, ''Yeah, I just wanted to ask um could you help me with a history project. My teacher is really bad, she never helps me.'' He explains. I nod before I thought, ''Of course, meet me after school in my classroom.'' I say. ''Thank you, and you should visit the school sister.'' He gives me a sly smile before he walks off.

a few hours later

Rasha

''I can't wait for tomorrow!'' Medina says with excitement as she puts lipstick on. ''Me too, and guess what?! Malik is coming with his friends!'' Tamara laughs. Medina and Donia jump around, ''What?! He is, oh my god I can't wait! Is he bringing his hot friends with him?'' Medina asks with wide happy eyes. ''Yes bitch, they are coming!'' Tamara shouts and they all laugh. I look at them smiling, I wish I was in the mood too. All of a sudden they turn around and look at me. ''Rasha? What's wrong? Why aren't you in the mood?''

I gulp, not knowing how or what to say. ''Umm... nothing is wrong don't worry. I'm just feeling a little sick as I said.'' I lie. Donia folds her arms, ''Don't lie to us, we know you. Did Mr.Bashar do something?'' Donia raises her left eyebrow. ''God, what is wrong with that man. I'm going to kill him'' Medina frowns.

I shake my head, ''It's nothing I said. Our last class is about to start, let's go. By the way, what do I have?'' I ask them walking out of the bathroom. I hear them walk behind me, ''P.E with Mr.Bashar.'' Medina answers. I freeze without thinking. God no, why? Not now! The only person I didn't want to see. ''I knew it, It's about Mr.Bashar! What did he do?'' I see Tamara jump in front of me. I roll my eyes, ''Can you stop, It's not about that fucking jerk! Okay?! So don't fucking mention his name?!'' I almost shout. They all look at me confused, they knew something was up.

''Oh... okay. We're sorry.'' Donia stutters. I sigh before I walk off. ''Meet us in the parking lot after school.'' I heard Medina say to the girls before she ran after me. ''Rasha, you good? You've been down since the math lesson.'' She asks, but I ignore her question. I didn't have time for anyone's bullshit, including Saiid's.

When Medina and I walk in we see everyone sitting on the benches as usual. I look around to search for Tariq, he hasn't been here all day. What the heck? How could he?! We sit next Cody and Hunter, when Cody sees me he smiles. ''Rasha, where have you been? I haven't seen you all day?''

I smile back at him, ''Cody, we don't share many classes.'' I say and he laughs. ''You're right.'' He winks. ''Silence.'' As soon as I heard his deep voice I flinched, not because he was shouting. I was just terrified for some reason. I avoid looking at him, instead, I looked down at my shoes. I hear Mr.Bashar explaining what we are going to do and how we were going to do it. ''Why aren't you looking at him?'' Medina whispers. I glare at her, why the fuck does she care?

''Did you get it?'' I finally hear him say. Everyone nods as an answer. ''Yes, but Mr.Bashar what happened to your hand?'' I heard someone ask. I, without thinking, looked up at his hand. I saw that he had a bandage wrapped around his hand, the hand he punched the wall with. I looked up and saw him staring at me. I kept looking at him, I wanted to tell him how sorry I am with my expression. He looks away and smiles, ''Nothing to worry about.''

When we finished the class everyone helped Mr.Bashar clean the gym. Cody and I picked up the balls while the others did something else, ''So Rasha, since it's your birthday tomorrow are you coming to the party?'' Cody asks me. I look at him, ''I don't-'' Before I finish my sentence he interrupts me. ''Oh come on, don't be boring. It's your birthday and we will have so much fun, please come on!'' He says with excitement. I laugh, now I feel like I want to go. I mean I don't have anything to do and my parents are away. So why not, ''You know what? I'll go!'' I say. ''Really?!''

I nod with a big smile on my face, ''Oh yes! That's my Rasha!'' We laugh. After everyone's done cleaning Mr.Bashar thanks us and tells us that we're dismissed. As I'm walking towards the girl's lockerroom I see that my laces are undone. I sit on my knee and fix my laces, when I'm done I get up but I all of a sudden bump into Mr.Bashar's chest. I take a few steps back as I look up at him, ''Mr.Bashar...'' I stutter. He takes a few steps closer to me before he speaks. ''I hope you're not going to that party tomorrow.'' He said with a deep voice. I gulp, did he overhear my and Cody's conversation? Of course he did dummy!

''Why?'' I ask cluelessly. He folds his arms, ''Rasha, I'm warning you. Don't do something that you'll regret.'' I furrow my eyebrows at him. What is he talking about? ''Why would I regret going to that party?''

He bits his lips of frustration before he speaks, ''It's not about you. It's me, If you go to that party I'll make you regret that you even thought about that party.''

dang, he's going crazy. hihihihihihi xD

😜❤