I was twelve years old, and about as depressed as a twelve year old could get, at least as far as I could tell. Who could blame me, really? I won't bother to go over all of the terrible things that are causing me to feel this way, but I hope you can understand why I'm not the happiest person ever. I cried myself to sleep every night, and felt the most calm in the most place in this realm- Aethoria. I liked to sit on the ground and stare into the void. It seemed to suck all of my raging emotions out of me.

But the void was just a temporary solution. What I was really suffering from was intense loneliness. The others thought they had solved that problem by having Ianite talk to me, but she was just another adult who thought of me as a small child in need of another toy to distract them. Nobody could see me for who I was, and that's what I ached to have. A friend who I could consider my equal, who could tell when something was wrong and solve it the way I needed it to be solved. The only people I had ever been able to consider my equals were Andor and Alva, and I obviously didn't have them anymore.

With tears slipping down my face one night, I whispered to the ceiling, "I don't even need someone my age. I need someone who will listen to me, and accept that I'm a human being as well. I need someone who doesn't think I'm nothing more than a little kid. I need someone who won't just pass this off as a 'teenager phase'. But there's nobody like that."

"There isn't?" someone had said. I had let out a small shriek, and turned to face empty air. Dianite himself had gone on to explain how he recognized my struggles, and felt it was time to step in himself and give me the comfort that every kid needed.

Go ahead. Call me crazy. Say I'm an idiot. Lecture me and tell me that I'm too young to be making any sorts of decisions. But when you're as desperate as I was that night, anything that sounds mildly convincing will excite you. If the adults had wanted me to ignore Dianite's words, then they should have said these things first. They had many, many more chances than the devil himself did.

It's been a month or two since that night, when my entire life changed. I hadn't exactly been hiding the fact that something was different while around Mianite and the others. I started slacking off in training, since I no longer felt like Dianite was worth killing. I glared at anyone who spoke to me, as I now saw the major flaws in them that I was unable to see before. To Mot, it must have seemed like my moods were becoming worse and worse after the big change, when it was in fact the opposite. I'll admit it: Dianite saved me. Dianite saved me from the eternal loneliness that I feared would one day consume me.

"Alyssa," Mot said to me at dinner one day. "I think that we need to have a talk."

I had known that this talk would happen eventually, but I had wanted to push it off for as long as possible. "Do we?" My voice was heavy with sarcasm, and my gaze filled with hatred.

My father frowned at me. "Yes, we do. You haven't been acting yourself lately, and I don't like it. Care to explain?"

Now, it's not like I was hiding my feelings from him. I was quite open about it, actually, and it wasn't my fault that they chose to ignore my not-so-subtle hints. "Hmm," I began with a sneer. "I wonder why I'm not acting as cheerful and full of life as I was when I was younger. Could it be because nobody bothers to treat me like I'm my age?"

He rubbed his forehead, as if my reasoning was giving him a headache. "You're being ridiculous. All of us, especially Ianite and I, have attempted to talk to you and treat you well. You continuously respond to our kindness with yelling, and claiming that we'll 'never understand'. Trust me, we've all been teenagers before. This is just a phase."

I could feel the tears returning to my eyes. "Is everything I do or say just part of a phase? Are you seriously refusing to listen to anything I say because I'm younger than you? That's seriously your justification?" I stood up, feeling too upset to continue eating. "This happens every single time! You and the other adults come and talk to me, but for some reason, you've all decided that I'm too young to be reasoned with! Everything I say is justified with the same stuff! I'm 'just going through a phase', I'm 'too young to understand', and even 'if you were smarter, you'd see'!"

He stared at me, shocked. "Alyssa, are you... crying?" This question was ridiculous, but I suppose it was the first time I'd ever truly shown weakness like this in front of him. I had had enough, and I didn't try to stop the flow of tears from my eyes.

"Maybe you're the one who isn't able to see what I see! Or, what's more probable, you haven't even tried to understand me!" I was shaking and sobbing, and Mot didn't know what to do. "All I've ever wanted is an equal, or someone who would bother to listen to me! That's who you're supposed to be, after all! Have you ever heard of supporting your child?" I picked up what I could reach, including utensils, glasses of water, and anything else nearby. In between my words, I threw them at him. "And... you... call... yourself... a... parent!"

"Alyssa!" he yelled, standing up and staring in horror at the mess I had made. But, with a soaked face and a heavy heart, I tore out of the room.

"Don't bother to come upstairs and talk to me!" I shouted down. "You can't solve everything by saying 'I'm older, so I'm right', you know! Maybe it's time you learned a thing or two about hearing other people's opinions! As far as I can tell, you've managed to piss off almost everyone in this realm!" I slammed the door behind me.

I lay on my bed in silence for a moment, letting my own words sink in. Dianite muttered a few encouraging words to me, but was wise enough to let me recover in peace. Mot, who had at least an ounce of intelligence, didn't bother me for the rest of the night.