I wrote this while listening to the song above, thought that it might be interesting to share and let you listen while reading

You woke up, not seeing Mayanka stroking his phallus. He's not even next to you.

That's a surprise. A pleasant one. You took a deep breath and exhaled with a sad smile. You're grateful that he's busy.

Usually, if he's not with you upon waking up, he's hunting or foraging for food. Though, this only happens if he's really craving for something or... he is 'critically' low on food.

Which... could be avoided if he allowed you to choose your portions. You don't need to eat as much as him! He's a giant and you're just (your size and height), your nose is barely touching his diaphragm, that is how massive he is compared to you.

You sighed. No matter how much you try to convince him that you're full despite eating much less than him, Mayanka would simply not listen and take your calm reasonings as guilt or 'unnecessary politeness'. To which, he responds by threatening to slice you with his machete.

You hope you won't develop an eating disorder when you get back home.

You yawned and stretched your arms. Might as well burn up as much of that energy from last night's dinner as much you can. You're going to have a buffet when he gets back home, and it's not a good thing.

You stepped out, surprised to see that the sun is in the middle of the sky. Indicating that it's high noon.

You let out a dry sob. The last time he came back late was when he brought back a gigantic wild boar. What is he bringing back today!? Another wild boar!? A larger animal!?

"No!" You do not want to eat the same thing over and over again for one week straight. The flashback of being forced to gulp down pork lard rice was enough to send you into hysterics.

You began to hyperventilate, tears streak down your face as you subconsciously claw your arms. This is... too much for you to handle.

One year. One goddamn year with that maniac, is too much.

Suddenly, you felt sick to the stomach. So, you bolted towards his little vegetable farm and spew chunks on the soil.

Your breaths were shallow and wheezes are evident. You can't let him know you vomitted! He's going to double the amount of food for 'compensating' what you have lost!

You cried, wept, howled and threw up again. You're panicking, the world around you feels like it's going to end. You felt pinpricks on your chest and your blood ran cold.

You forced yourself to stay conscious and dug a well with your hands. Dirt got under your nails, sharp derbis made small cuts on your (s/c) skin.

"No! I-I can't..." you coughed and gasped.

"I-I can't let him know! I can't let him know!" Disregarding any squeamishness you may have, you scooped the pile of mush and dump it into the hole you dug.

Your head is hurting, your throat is burning and your eyes are blurry. You're in a mental mess, everything in your mind has been wiped out. All you can focus now is to conceal your puke from Mayanka, nothing else matters.

You must hide that you are 'hungry'.

You gagged, but forced whatever bile down your throat. Mayanka could be back anytime soon, you don't want him to catch you red handed.

Forced. Ever since you got here, everything was forced. It's breaking you... but you're a strong woman, some sanity is left in your cranium. An acquired skill from game coding.

But there is only so much a human can take.

Ignoring the vomit infused mucus that is dripping down your nose, you packed the soil into the hole, successfully covering up almost everything.

You scrambled to get back up on your legs. Almost immediately, all your neurones and muscles are fired up to make you run towards the ocean.

You have to clean yourself up, you have to clean yourself up, you are not hungry, you are not hungry,

Your thoughts became more and more obsessive every minute. Bitterness coats your mouth and bones, nothing is right. Nothing is ever right.

You splashed salty water onto your hands and face, letting all the filth wash away, to be swept further into the deep blue by natural currents.

You gasped and hacked wildly because some of the liquid went into your throat. You eyes are now red, not because of the excessive crying, but because of the salt water touching your eyes.

You don't care. All that matters now is that he won't think that you're hungry.

Mayanka is a menace for making you this way. You used to love food, you would even call yourself a proud glutton back then.

However, Mayanka ruined everything. You can never have the same relationship with food ever again, lest you'll be reminded of Mayanka's forceful feeding. You hate it.

Mayanka made food inedible.

You sobbed in your partially clean hands. What have he done to you!? How can someone ruin SO MANY THINGS in a year? He took your happiness away, he took your desire to eat, he took your dignity...

He took away your life. You can never be the same after this. You don't know how much of your personality has changed, are your ideals and morals still the same? Most likely not... and that's a debilitatingly painful to think about.

You're aware that this entire experience shifted everything about you. But you just don't know the extent of it.

You hate him. You hate Mayanka.

But you must go on. You must live to make that STUPID game. That's the only way you can get back at Mayanka after killing him or locking him up in jail.

That's the only way you can free yourself from reliving the terrible, terrible memories every day after your rescue. By making in-game Mayanka suffer the psychological torture you were subjected to. You're going to take everything out on in-game Mayanka as you can't do it to the real one.

You have to.

You have to live.

You shielded your eyes from the blazing sun with a hand. Letting the ebbing tides splash against your legs.

The clouds look nice and puffy today. Like tufts of cotton that would absorb disinfectant or any other liquids well. You envy them for being in the sky, lightweight and carefree, far away from the hands of Mayanka.

Wouldn't it be nice to store bad memories there instead of having the burden to carry all of them?