I'm not that stupid!

Lotus, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.

ATLAS TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

I've been sleeping so little the past few nights that when I go to the alarm app, I click on the "power nap" button. I don't set up alarms, I set up timers, Jakey.

I dropped Inpu.

Xiphos, what the fuck.

So don't panic but one of us is possessed by an owl....

....

.....

......

..Who?

That's the thing we don't-

*Everyone stares at Jakey*

The ritual. To preform it requires a sacrifice.

Sacrifice? I nominate Atlas.

Wait, what?

Because you're little, you'll fit on a barbecue.

I'm 5'6, I'm not that short!

Its not that kind of of sacrifice guys!

*fast-forwards all the way through the movie*

You can't just skip to the happy ending!

I don't have time for their problems.

Where's Xylo ?

Don't worry, I'll find them.

Inpu sucks!

Inpu is the best person ever! Fuck you!

Found them.

What's gone wrong, Jakey?

Hey! That's one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I'm calling doesn't mean there's a crisis.

That's technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling?

Well... There's a crisis.

I like your new pants!

Thanks, they were 50% off!

I'd like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*

The store can't just give away clothes for free.

Thats's... not what I meant.

That's a terrible way to run a business, Jakey.

You are irrationally angry 365 days a year.

Well, that's just your personal opinion, I don't have anger issues. Do you guys think I have anger issues?

Well, I wouldn't really call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.

At first I thought you were foolish and incompetent.

My apologies for whatever misstep I may have taken to dispel that impression. It was an honest mistake, I swear.

What's the straightest thing you've ever done?

*sighs*

I killed a man.

Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.

It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back...

Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

My will to live! I haven't seen this in years.

I knew I lost that potential somewhere.

Mental stability, my old friend!

Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

Bryan! For the love of god, please turn down that music. I have a hangover.

*blasting the mii theme at full volume* That sounds like a you problem, not a mii problem.

Hey, do you know the password to Atlas's computer?

Fuck you, Mitch.

Hey!!

No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouMitch'.

Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

Hold on! I'm having one of those things... a headache with pictures.

What the fuck?

They're having an idea.

They couldn't find their way out of a paper bag.

That's not true! I found my way out of a paper bag yesterday!

What are you writing?

The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information.

This just says 'fuck around and find out' in calligraphy.

*Answers phone.* Hello?

It's Mors .

What did they do this time?

No, it's me, Kaiba. It's actually me.

What did you do this time?

I am not a whore, and, not that I've done the math, but, if I were, I'd be the super classy kind that gets flown to Dubai to stay in an underwater hotel.

Don't go to the kitchen.

Why?

I saw a spider.

Well, did you kill it?

It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it's not fair...

Go big or go home!

Please, for once in your life just go home. I'm begging you. Go. Home.

I'm going big!

Why are you on fire?

This is just how my day is going.

I know every song to ever exist it doesn't matter if it's from the past, present or the future.

Oh yeah? Then continue this.

I don't cook I don't clean-

So let me tell you how I got this ring.

.....

GOBBLE ME, SWALLOW ME-

I lost Atlas.

How did you LOSE Atlas?!

To be fair, they are very small.

I only have two emotions: exhaustion and stress. And I'm somehow always feeling both simultaneously.

Remember everyone, violence is never the answer.

You're right, Bryan.. Violence can't be the answer.

Correct, Seductive Rose. Now, on to the next lesso-

Violence is the question.

And the answer is yes!

Seductive Rose, no!!

Mitch, my old friend!

I think you tried to kill me at some point.

That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.

Do you love Bryan?

Yeah, I do.

Seductive Rose! I told you I knew it! You owe me 100 bucks!

We all love Bryan. You should've asked if they were IN love with them.

I thought that was implied.

...

...

Congrats Mitch, you just won 100 bucks.

What do you have?

A KNIFE!

NO!

It's nice to be wanted, you know?

Not by the law!

Pardon the intrusion, but-

On this moment or just my life in general?

It's funny how well you and Atlas get along. Didn't they hate you at first?

Atlas hates everybody at first. It's their way of reaching out to people.

Listen, we're done, we're over! Okay?

Whatever bitch, you ain't never gonna find no one like me.

Yeah, that's the point shithead!

That was so hot, Inpu.

I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.

I'm so in love with you.

I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.

We could attack them with hummus.

I stand corrected.

Just keeping things in perspective.

Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry?

General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.

Damn, Seductive Rose, are you secretly cool?

Well, poker is just math, so I guess it depends on if you consider the mathematician, Carl Friedrich Gauss, cool.

So, Mitch, do you have a crush on anyone?

The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.

Do you want to know your gay name?

My... my gay name?

Yeah, it's your first name-

Haha. Very funny Inpu-

*gets down on one knee* And my last name.

Oh- oh my god.

What do we think of Dranne?

*pause*

*sighs* Nice pal.

I think they're gay.

Which way did Nad go?

Well, based on the direction of the wind, the broken sticks in the corner, and the slight disturbance in the dirt, I'd guess they went left.

You could really figure it out from that?

No, you idiot, Nad sent me a text. See?

*At a bank teller window*

I'd like-a to make-a da deposit!

HEY BUDDY, WAIT, I REMEMBER YOU!

*Frantically pours marinara sauce into the vacuum tube*

GODDAMMIT, IT'S THEM AGAIN!

No, this is not a mess. You know what I consider a mess?

Your life?

I- well yes, but-

Hey, I took your soul last month and-

No returns.

*sobbing* But it's making me sad...

Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.

I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

I have a problem.

Kill it.

Can you chill for like, two seconds?

It's not gonna work, I'm not a snitch.

Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with.

Lmao, @Dranne.

The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it.

Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side.

YO SOCRATES! IT'S A FUCKING COOKIE!

Is it still visible? Where slapped me?

Your face looks like a don't walk signal.

Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.

A palm reader could tell 's future by looking at your face.

The phrase 'talk to teh hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.

...A simple 'yes' would've sufficed.

Do you want to play 20 Questions?

Sure!

Whats your favorite color?

Triangle. Do you like men?

Punch me in the face.

...Punch you?

Yes, punch me, didn't you hear me?

I always hear 'punch me in the face' while you're speaking but it's usually just subtext.

*Squad reactions to being told 'I love you'*

Thanks fam!

Oh no.

*cries* I love you too.

Sounds fake, but okay.

*A flustered mess*

Can I get a refund?

Bye Xylo! Bye Lotus! Bye Nad! Bye Brandeen ! Bye Xylo!

You said 'bye Xylo' twice.

I like Xylo.

If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.

Violently practices.

Violently studies.

Violently sleeps.

Violently shoots pictures.

Violently boxes.

Violently murders people.

Violently worries about the previous statement.

Stressed.

Depressed.

Possessed.

Obsessed.

Impressed.

Chicken breast.

...What?

I just wanted to join in.

Bye S.R! Bye Mario! Bye Bryan! Bye Dranus! Bye S.R!

You said 'bye S.R' twice.

I like S.R.

If you got arrested what would be the charges?

Theft.

Disturbing the peace.

Aggravated assault.

Arson.

All of the above. In that order, probably.

*Playing video games*

You guys woke up at 5:30 in the morning just to play games?

*silence*

*silence*

...You two never went to sleep, did you?

Yeah...

Are you a cuddler?

I'm a machine of death and destruction.

...Yeah, I'm a cuddler.

I desire moisture.

Please just say "I want water" like a normal person.

What does "take out" mean?

Food.

Dating.

Murder.

It can be all three if you're brave enough.

*The gang's thoughts on stabbing*

Would never stab anyone.

Would stab someone in retaliation.

Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first.

Would stab without warning.

Would stab as a warning.

How do you connect with a fictional character?

What?

What?

What?

*pulls up a 500 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.

GET BACK HERE YOU DUMB FUCK!

LET ME RUN FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!