A million thoughts were swarming around in my head.

Aiden was in a gang. A GANG.

How long had this been going on for?

How was Stacey involved?

Has my brother ever killed someone?

That last thought made my tears flow down uncontrollably in full force and I didn't once turn back to look at Nixon.

I knew well enough that he wouldn't follow me into my house and would eventually drive home. I made a mental note to text him once I got inside to reassure him about my freak out. I knew he would be worrying about me but I didn't want to talk to him about anything until I processed things and calmed down.

But there was one question which was etched in my mind more than the rest.

Should I confront my brother about it?

Reaching the front door, I took a deep breath wiping some of the tears with my sleeve. Composing myself, I made my way inside and headed straight upstairs to my bedroom in hopes of avoiding Carla. That was something I did not want to deal with right now.

Throwing my bag and jacket onto the floor I took out my cell phone. It was only then I realised that my hands were shaking. Taking a deep breath, I typed.

Hey. I'm really sorry about my little freak out in the car. Please don't worry about me, I'm okay. I promise I will explain as soon as I can. Mara x

Hitting send I threw my phone down on the bed and ran both my hands through my hair, taking a deep sigh.

Walking to my full length mirror I examined my tear streaked face. My eyes were all red and puffy I looked like something from a horror film. The shrilling noise of my ringtone startled me and I knew it was Nixon. My heart ached to pick up but I knew he would ask me questions that I wasn't ready to answer.

Once the ringing stopped I got a text alert.

Please pick up and talk to me. If I did something wrong tell me so I can fix it. P.S I always worry.

My heart ached even more reading Nixon's text. I could feel the tears threatening to come back. He was so good to me and in that moment I wanted nothing more than to be in his embrace. To feel safe and in my happy place. But I knew that I wasn't ready to talk.

Ignoring my phone I laid down on my bed staring up at the ceiling. My feelings were a pool of mess. What was I supposed to think? When you hear the word gang you can't help but ultimately think of the worst. I mean, the literal definition of the word gang is 'an organised group of criminals'.

Criminals.

I couldn't help but let my mind wander about what type of activities my brother has been involved in. I know from Nixon that by force from Rick, he deals drugs for them. Drugs would just be the beginning right? I dread to think about what else they get up to. Part of me really wanted to stay oblivious but the other part needed to know.

My thoughts drifted to Stacey. Is that why my brother has stuck around with her? Because she's in the gang with him?

Anybody with a working pair of eyes can see what a flirt she is. She leeches onto anything with man parts. It's so clear that there's no loyalty to my brother. Not to mention how she treats me like dog poop. Maybe that's why Aiden is so blinded to the way she is with me.

Aside from the obvious hurt and anger, I mostly felt shock. My older brother, practically my twin, the same boy I grew up with, the one I looked up to and love to pieces is a gang member. I felt betrayed, as if I didn't know who he was anymore. Do I still see him the same? Would I still be the same around him?

Admittedly, a small part of me felt like a hypocrite. When Nixon told me his truth, I didn't see him any different. Maybe I shouldn't jump to conclusions without hearing from Aiden himself. I mean, what if he has no way out either?

I came to the realization that there was absolutely no way I could confront him about it. How would I even start? Oh hey Aiden, I saw my boyfriend Nixon Ford, your gang's designated drug dealer and whose guts you hate, speak to your slutty girlfriend and I found out that you're all in a gang.

Yes, that would go down amazingly.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a very loud car engine from outside my window. And then it dawned on me whose car that noise belonged to.

Aiden.

****

Scrambling with panic I shot up from where I was making a run to my bathroom. It totally slipped my mind that Aiden was back for good today from his football try outs.

I washed my face to get rid of any evidence of crying. I patted my blotched face with water and dried myself with a towel. Quickly flattening down my hair I forced myself to smile like everything was normal.

This was going to be really hard.

I knew it was only a matter of time until he made his way to my room. He always made the effort to check up on me and say hi. Leaving my bathroom and heading to sit on my bed, I gave myself a mental pep talk, telling myself that I got this. To just act natural and like nothing has changed.

Except everything has changed.

Right on cue, there was a knock on my bedroom door.

Aiden's all familiar voice made me take a deep breath to prepare for what was about to come. "Guess who squirt,"

Grabbing my laptop to make myself look natural I opened it up and fought hard to keep my voice steady. "Shirley Temple?"

With the sound of my door opening I turned left to see my older brother in all his glory with a massive grin on his face.

"Oh please little sis Shirley Temple has nothing on me,"

Before I knew it, he leaped towards my bed sprawling all over it. My breath hitched at the sight of my brother and I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I felt like I was looking at a stranger.

Aiden must have noticed something was up. "What's wrong with you? Aren't you happy to see me back? Come on admit it, you missed me." Waggling his eyebrows at me like a creep brought me back to my senses and I put on a smile.

"Hey, sorry yeah. My mind is elsewhere I've just got a lot of school work to catch up on. I'm glad you're back big bro,"

He looked at me skeptically like he knew I wasn't telling him the truth, but I ignored it continuing to act normal. "Okay Mar, whatever you say. I'm hungry so I'm gonna go find Carla. We can catch up later," He brought out his hand for a fist bump, which I reciprocated, and within moments he was gone.

I let out the breath I didn't realise I was holding. Fighting back my emotions it hit me how hard that was. During the short interaction, my own brother felt like a stranger to me and it scared the hell out of me. There was only one person who I wanted to go to right now, and that was Nixon.

Determined and ready to speak, I picked up my cell and clicked on his name. Within two rings he answered.

"Mara," He sighed deeply as if with relief.

Just hearing his voice immediately warmed my heart and it was exactly what I needed. Triggering my emotions again I felt myself choking up.

"Nixon," My voice sounded broken and strained as I was about to cry.

"Mara, baby, what's wrong. Tell me what's wrong. I can fix it okay? Let me fix it. You're killing me over here," His voice sounded desperate with plea. I could hear the hurt and worry in his voice.

Taking a deep breath I tried to compose myself. "Can I see you? I just really need to see you,"

Without hesitation Nixon replied. "Yes. Of course. Shall I come by your house?"

"'No!" My reaction was instant. "Er- can you get me from Fenley park? I'll meet you there,"

"I'm on my way."

Telling everyone I was heading out for a while, I made my way to the park. It was a good twenty minute walk from my house.

Usually, I hated walking and I would be far too lazy to even consider it but I was determined to see Nixon. Plus, I could really use the fresh air and silence to think to myself.

But the closer I got to the park, the more my anxiety increased. My worry was his reaction. Finding out that the 'grade A dick' gang member was in fact my brother. My absolute idiot of a brother.

It finally dawned on me why Aiden had this hatred towards him. It now all made complete sense. Nixon himself told me that the members don't get on well with outsiders. He doesn't even know Aiden's name for fudge sake, but he knows his face. No wonder I got no reaction when mentioning Aiden Ellsworth.

I finally reached the park but couldn't see Nixon's Porsche in sight. I decided to make my way to the group of willow trees situated in the far corner for some privacy as it was well out of the way.

I sat down underneath one taking in my surroundings. Nobody came to this area of the park, it was secluded from the rest and away from any prying eyes. Only those familiar with the park would be aware of this spot. I thought it was best to text Nixon where I was and moments later I saw a tall figure heading in my direction.

Knowing it was him, I shot up to my feet and immediately started my way towards him. His strides became longer and within seconds I was finally in his tight embrace.

My happy place.

I was surrounded by my favourite smell in the whole world. The smell that brought me comfort, warmth and safety. I clinged onto Nixon for dear life afraid to let go of him. It seemed he was doing the same as he held me tight.

I didn't realise I was crying until he gently pushed me back to make eye contact and observed my face. He wiped my cheek with his thumb, a pained expression on his face.

"Hey," He looked at me with such intense and emotion that I let out a sob, not being able to hold it in anymore. Nixon reacted immediately, pulling me back into his arms whilst stroking my hair.

"Shh, let it out baby. It's okay I'm right here,"

Keeping his embrace for a few moments I managed to finally calm myself down, feeling a bit embarrassed. Stepping back to look up at Nixon I noticed his wet t-shirt.

"I'm sorry about your shirt," I laughed through my sniffles. Smiling down at me with awe he slightly shook his head.

"The shirt means nothing. It's you I care about. You really have me worried nugget. Please talk to me," He looked at me with pleading eyes and desperation. I knew that he wanted to help. To do anything to make me feel better. And I wanted to let him.

Nodding, I replied. "Let's sit down,"

I led him to my original spot under the tree motioning him to sit down next to me. Turning my body I faced Nixon who was looking at me with pleading eyes. So through my sniffles I started.

"First, Nixon I just wanted to apologise." He opened his mouth to retort but I stopped him. "It was selfish of me to leave you hanging like that and then to not answer your phone call. I'm so sorry but I just wasn't ready to speak I needed the time to think."

He reached his hand out to lovingly cup my cheek which I leaned into. Looking up at my favourite chocolate brown eyes I had all the comfort and reassurance I needed. Smiling his gorgeous smile that made me turn into mush, also helped.

"Hey, there's nothing to apologise for. What matters is that you're here now and you can let me help you. Tell me what's bothering you Mara. If anyone has hurt you, tell me and I will erase their whole existence," That last part made Nixon tense his jaw and I almost laughed at his protectiveness.

Taking both his hands into mine and looking down with a hint of a smile, I replied. "No, there's nobody who needs erasing I assure you."

Taking a deep breath I gained courage to continue and peered up to look at his handsome face. Tears were starting to brim in my eyes. "There's no easy way to say this. So I'm just going to come out and say it. I have to admit I'm really nervous about your reaction, I know you're not going to like it,"

"Whatever it is you can tell me. You know that right? You should never be nervous to tell me something, especially when it's affecting you this much. I hate seeing you hurt," He was looking at me with so much adoration my heart couldn't help but beat faster.

Biting my lip, I continued. "Remember how I asked you earlier about Stacey Bennett?"

He nodded, looking confused. "Yes, why?"

"Well- she's my brother's girlfriend."

Nixon's whole body visibility tensed but I knew that I had to keep going. I kept a hold of both of his hands.

"It's the reason why I left the restaurant that day, because I know her. It's why I asked you what her boyfriend looked like earlier today when you mentioned how you knew her. I thought there's no way Aiden was involved and that she was cheating on my brother. I wouldn't put it past her. But then you described exactly what my brother looked like and I-I realised Nixon." Tears we're streaming down my face now. "My brother Aiden is in that gang,"

Seeing the tears streaming down my face seemed to snap Nixon out of his tensed posture. He immediately wiped my tears away and placed is hands on either side of my face tenderly.

"Are you mad?" I asked, sniffling.

"No. I'm just a bit shocked that's all, it was the last thing I expected to hear," He looked at me with soft eyes but as soon as he looked away he dropped his hands and I could see the change. He was tense again and looked deep in thought. "Can you show me a picture?"

I looked up at him, perplexed but realised he meant a picture of Aiden. "Oh- yeah sure," Scrambling in my jacket pocket I got out my phone and decided to show a selfie me and Aiden had taken.

Nixon seemed to study the picture for a few moments and his jaw went tight. He closed his eyes like he was pained and opened them up after a few moments passing the phone back.

"Yeah that's him. They call him sport whenever I've been around," His gaze into my eyes made me squirm from the intensity. "This is bad."

Facing down and holding back tears, I replied. "I know," barely above a whisper. The next thing I knew his fingers lifted my face up and I was being looked at with a softened gaze.

"Mara, you know that I care about you so much right? You're one of the most important people in my life. You stuck around, even after hearing my story. I don't ever wanna lose you," Again he was staring at me with so much intensity locking me in, knowing that he meant every single word.

"Nixon you won't lose me," I shook my head and grabbed onto his hand interlacing our fingers.

"But I really fucking hate your brother,"

I almost laughed at the way he said it but I thought against it. "And he hates you," I sighed deeply. "Well I guess it's a good thing you're not dating him then is it?" I smiled slightly to lighten up the mood but Nixon's serious face never wavered.

He sighed deeply. "You mean so much to me, I want to meet your family one day. But this, this is bad, Mara."

I have no idea why but that felt like a punch to my heart. "So what are you saying Nixon? Because of my brother you won't meet my family? A-are you going to break up with me?" My voice started to break at the last part and my eyes started watering. Damn it.

"What? No. God, no." He pulled me against him reassuringly and kissed the top of my head. "I would never do that, you're stuck with me now Ellsworth." My heart warmed after hearing that. After a couple of my sniffles he continued. "Of course I will meet your family one day. I'm just saying that it will be messy. But you're worth it Mara. I will always fight for you. Even if it means putting up with that dick for the rest of my life, then so be it. As long as I'm with you in your life,"

Pulling back in awe, I smiled at my handsome boyfriend and planted a kiss on his lips. As always they were soft and warm, our lips moulded perfectly with each other. It was short but sweet, just enough to let him know how much I appreciated what he said.

"I know that Aiden will definitely go ballistic now, when he finds out about you. He won't be happy Nixon, he might even hit you," This made me feel so guilty, it wasn't fair on him.

He scoffed with a dangerous look in his eye. "Yeah right. I mean he can try, but I'll put the bastard flat on his ass,"

"Nixon!" I playfully slapped his arm. "Look, when the time's right I'll go to my dad first. Maybe then Aiden won't try anything,"

But deep down I knew that there was still a possibility that even my dad couldn't stop the inevitable.

And that scared the fudge out of me.