Quick content warning:

Homophobia and homophobic slurs are addressed.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Yesterday was pretty tough dealing with Kai and Nya's mother and all, but I expect today to be worse. Lloyd and I are going to school for the first time since the dance. Now everyone knows we're out as a couple. Lloyd and I talked about how we know things are going to be bad. The harassment towards Lloyd especially will likely be ten times worse than usual. But I told him it will all be okay. We're here for each other and that's all that matters.

Lloyd and I woke up a little bit earlier than usual to mentally prepare ourselves for the day ahead.

"Everything's going to be okay."

"I love you."

"I'll keep you safe."

"There's nothing to worry about."

I tried my best to encourage Lloyd with little words through out the morning. He would smile and nod when I said it, but then he'd go back to his worryful state. It killed me to see him get beaten up by his own anxiety. Lloyd seemed so stressed that he barely even touched his breakfast. I had warmed up some waffles for him but he didn't seem interested.

Lloyd wasn't able to say anything to his mom before we left for school because she was already off to work. I told him it would be okay as I held his hand to walk out the door.

The walk to the bus stop seemed like it took forever. Lloyd kept his eyes wide open as he stared down anyone that even walked passed us.

"It's okay. It's alright," I whisper as I rub my thumb on the back of his hand. My calm words seemed to soothe him somewhat.

We approach the bus stop and the average group of kids are there that normally are. They look at us and laugh as usual.

"Guess we were right," the one boy scoffs, "you really are a couple of f*gs." His friends laugh as he sticks his hands in his pockets and approaches us.

"Ignore him," I say to Lloyd as I feel him shake.

"You two disgust me," the boy spits.

Every part of me wanted to hurt him. I wanted to let go of Lloyd's hand and just kick this guys ass into the pavement we stand on. But I knew it wouldn't be worth it. There's plenty more people just like him waiting for us at school. Why waste my energy on one of them.

Instead of acting on my urges I just calmly took a deep breath before looking the other way.

"What, not gonna say anything? Pathetic. Too bad that stab wound of yours didn't kill you," he snarls before walking the other way.

I knew ignoring him would cause him to give up eventually but it really took every ounce of restraint I had to keep myself from saying anything. Lloyd already seemed so shaken up and we haven't even gotten to school yet.

The bus pulled up and everyone boarded. A couple people tried to stick their feet out and trip us. I told myself I was going to say and do nothing to these people who tried to hurt us but I may have "accidentally" stepped on the feet of those who tried to trip us.

Lloyd and I sat in the very back seat of the bus. At least that way no one could mess with us from the seats behind. We sat down and I held his hand. He seemed a little more at ease. I sat my head on his shoulder and he leaned his head into mine. No one really seemed to pay too much attention to us which was good but we had the occasional piece of paper thrown our way. They probably had notes on them but we didn't even bother to read them.

Getting off the bus was another story. Staring eyes, laughing faces, looks of disgust. Every possible reaction you could think of accept for a positive one. Many words were thrown our way. Particularly a certain slur that I don't like to name. They need to find something original to call us.

I go to pull open the door so Lloyd and I could walk in and avoid this loitering crowd outside the school but I feel the door stop. I look over and someone has stopped the door with their foot. It's Chen...

I glance up quick enough to get a look at his face but then look back at the door again. I want to give him as little attention as possible because I know this can go one of two ways. He says something stupid, I say something stupid back, we fight, I get expelled. Or I can just ignore him and hopefully he'll use what remains of that walnut brain of his and realize he's just wasting his time and he probably has better things to do.

"Hey, (Y/N), whatcha doing there?" He asks in a condescending manner.

"..." I say nothing.

"What- you trying to ignore me? It's probably best you don't run that big mouth of yours anyway. It only seems to get you in trouble. But you should at least look at me when I'm talking to you.

"..." I keep my gaze forward without even taking another glance at him.

"Did you hear me you freak? Look at me," he growls as he shoves me to the side, pushing me into Lloyd, knocking him on the ground.

When I see Lloyd hit the ground I gasp and kneel down next to him.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry, are you okay Lloyd?" My worried voice rings for the first time since we've gotten to school.

"It's okay, I'm fine, you didn't do anything," he dismisses as I help him up.

I so badly wanted to beat Chen half to death. Hurting me is one thing, but hurting Lloyd is unforgivable. But it's not worth it. As badly as I wanted to do something, I knew it would only result in my expulsion. And staying here with Lloyd is far more important.

"So you're not going to defend your pathetic boyfriend?" Chen scoffs, "you two make a terrible couple."

"Let's get to class, okay?" I still have my attention to Lloyd as I place both of his hands in mine. He nods in agreement but he looks upset.

By now Chen has already taken his foot off the door and we proceed inside.

"Coward!" He shouts.

I only ignore him further.

I figured it would be best to go straight to class. I'm afraid that if we hang out in the halls and wait for our friends we might get more trouble from others. The entire walk through the halls is filled with nothing but judgmental stares and laughter.

The class room was pretty empty. We didn't spare any time in the halls. Most people were still out socializing. Lloyd and I sit next to each other temporarily as we always do each morning.

"Today is already rough... I thought I got it bad before but this is worse than I'd expected..." Lloyd sighs as he rubs his hands together.

"Lloyd, it's okay. We'll get through this together, alright?" I fake a smile. I know Lloyd has had such a hard time with bullying. Especially since I found out he was hurting himself because of it. I know he stopped but I'm absolutely terrified that he'll do it again. Or even do something worse.

"How do you know we won't be treated like this for the rest of our lives?" He looks up at me with pained eyes.

"I never said I knew anything. Even if it never stops we'll always have each other," I keep trying to say positive things for Lloyd's sake but I feel like I'm lying to myself in a way. Fake it till you make it, I guess.

He stays silent as his gaze drops to the floor again. He looks tired. Like there's dark circles around his eyes. I can only imagine he had a hard time getting to sleep last night.

"Hey," I grab his attention, "maybe you can ask if you can sit in the back of the class with me?" I suggest.

"You don't really get it... not even the teachers take me seriously here..." he says as he digs his nails into his arm. Almost like an anxious response.

"It's worth a try, right?" My voice shakes.

Lloyd shrugs, "I don't know..."

"Please at least ask?"

...

"Okay..."

A couple minutes pass and our teacher walks into the classroom earlier that usual. But then I remembered that it is Monday and she likes to prepare herself a little earlier in the beginning of the week. And it's perfect timing. No one else is here to say anything about Lloyd asking to switch seats.

"Come on," I whisper as I grab his hand and take him to the desk where our teacher sat quietly.

"Can I help you boys?" She asks looking up at us.

"Well, uh..." Lloyd mumbles.

I knew Lloyd was probably too shy to get a single word out so I spoke up for him.

"Lloyd's been having some issues with the people he sits near. Is it okay if he sits in the back of the class with me?" I spit out.

"Listen," she starts to speak, "I see it all the time. Two students start dating so they try to make excuses to sit next to each other. I'm not stupid."

"Wha- no! This is more than that. He's being bullied because we're together! Think as poorly of us as you want but you're creating a hostile learning environment," I try to explain it as easily as possible.

"How does Lloyd's seating make any difference? I always make sure that all of my students are quiet through out the whole period. If anything were to happen, I would know," she tries her best to defend her argument.

"There's so much that goes on that you don't know about! There's note passing, spit balls, things being thrown from the back of the class- if Lloyd were just moved to the back then a lot of that wouldn't happen! Please, just listen," I beg.

"Sorry, boys, it's just not going to happen... and stop holding hands, that's against the school's PDA policies," she adds.

"This is unbelievable..." I huff, "come on, Lloyd, we're taking this to the principal."

"What? No, it's not that big of a deal, I don't want to be a bother," he shakes his head.

"It IS a big deal, Lloyd. No one is listening to us! This is important. I want things to be as easy for you to handle as possible," I demand as I take his hand and lead him out into the hallway.

"No, (Y/N)! I really don't want to cause any trouble!" The yelling caused a few students to turn their heads.

"Lloyd, you're worth the trouble... you mean so much to me and I want you to feel safe," I say in a soft tone. I don't think I spoke loud enough for anyone but Lloyd to hear me, but everyone in our surroundings giggled a mocked us anyway.

"I'm not worth the trouble," Lloyd chokes up. He looks around and notices all of the people surrounding us, staring at him. He begins to panic. The more panicked he becomes, the more everyone points and laughs, which only makes things worse.

Tears start to roll down Lloyd's face and I can hear his heavy breath.

"Leave me alone..." he mumbles as if the large crowd could hear him over themselves.

They all get closer and closer as they start to take out their phones, recording him and snapping photos just to laugh at his misery.

I didn't know what to do. Everything was happening so fast.

"Please, just leave me alone," he sobs.

I reach out to touch his shoulder "Lloyd... are you o-"

"" Lloyd snaps as I flinch and withdraw my hand from his shoulder.

Was Lloyd telling me to leave him alone that whole time?

"I'm... I'm sorry, Lloyd, I thought I was helping..." I feel my eyes well with tears but I turn the other way and try to hide my face as I run to one of the bathrooms.

I run into a stall and slam the door shut, instantly locking it and sinking down onto the floor. I know the floor is disgusting but I felt like my legs couldn't keep me up any longer.

What have I done?

Luckily no one else was in the bathroom and no one followed me. I was free to cry to myself as much as I wanted.

I'm a terrible boyfriend... this is the second time I've made Lloyd cry because I was thinking about everything but him. And I always think I'm doing the right thing... I always think I'm doing what's best for him... but I have such a hard time remembering that I am not Lloyd. Lloyd doesn't think the way I do. He doesn't want the things I want. I'm so fucking selfish...

I bring my knees up to my chest and curl up into a ball of pity. I tuck my head in and sit my arms on top of my head as I sob into the fabric of my jeans. Why am I even the one crying? Lloyd is the only victim here, not me...

I could at least try and make things right by calling Koko and asking if she could take Lloyd home early. It's the least I could do so he doesn't suffer through the rest of the day like this.

I hear the first bell ring but there's bigger things on my mind than attending class.

I take my phone out of my pocket and with foggy, tear filled eyes, I dial Koko's number.

"Hello? (Y/N)?" She answers after a couple rings.

"Listen, Koko... I fucked up bad," I didn't even bother to censor myself as I speak with a shaky voice.

"(Y/N)? What happened? Is Lloyd there?" I hear the worry in her voice.

"I don't know where Lloyd is but he's not doing good... do you think you could take him home? I think he's having a panic attack," I say as I sniffled through my tears.

"Oh my- yes, yes. I'll see if they'll let me off work. I'll come get both of you as soon as I can," I can hear her shifting around from my side of the call.

"Thank you, Koko..." I really only meant for her to come get Lloyd but I guess this works too. I just know he's probably not faring too well right now and I only made it worse.

"I'll see you in a bit," she confirms as she hangs up the phone.

I sigh as I drop my head again, letting myself continue to cry.

"Oh my God..." I mumble to myself as I tug at my hair.

...

"(Y/N)?"

A voice echoes through the bathroom.

"Lloyd?" I perk my head up.

"Are you in here?" I hear his shaky voice call out.

I stand up and unlock the stall door. I peak around the door frame and see Lloyd standing there with red eyed and tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," both of us say in unison.

I look at him in shock, "what are you sorry for? I was the one who pushed you to your breaking point and then ran away," I choke.

"No, no, you didn't do anything wrong... you only wanted to help and then when everyone started watching us I didn't snap at you... it was just all of this pressure at once and I couldn't take it anymore... I'm the one who's sorry for running you off," he explains.

"And I shouldn't have run off like that... I should have stayed and listened to you and made sure you were okay. I'm the one who said no one has been listening to you today but I wasn't listening myself."

"...Can't we meet in the middle and say we both fucked up?" Lloyd fits a small laugh between his sobs and I do the same.

Lloyd steps closer and hugs me.

"So you're not mad?" I ask.

"No, never..." he whispers.

We hold each other for what feels like forever because we both really need the comfort. We should probably be in class but I don't think either of us can take the embarrassment of returning to big groups of people that just saw everything we did.

"I've never skipped class before..." Lloyd says, still with his arms wrapped tightly around me, "what's my mom gonna think?"

"Oh, actually," Lloyd talking about his mom reminded me of our phone call, "I called your mom just a minute ago... I told her that you were upset and she said she would come to get you. I just didn't want you to feel miserable for the rest of the day..."

"I'd really like to go home now," Lloyd laughs.

I laugh in response, "yeah, I figured."

Lloyd and I hold each other for a while longer and we lose track of time. We're missing out on a lot of class but we knew Koko would be here any moment now.

"So, what are we going to do now?" Lloyd asks abruptly.

"About what?" I step back from our embrace to give the both of us room to speak.

"We're just going to have to come back to school tomorrow and do the same thing all over again. I only have one class with you. So we can't be by each other's sides all day... it scares me... I'm afraid to be without you now that everyone knows..." Lloyd admits.

I feel guilty in a way. It was my idea to let the whole school know about our relationship and now we're both suffering from it.

"But you know what?" Lloyd begins again as he cracks a smile, "I'm glad everyone knows. I feel like I can be my true self. I was so tired of hiding who I was. Even before I met you. Keeping my identity a secret was a struggle in its own. I may continue to get made fun of for it, but at least I can outwardly say I'm proud to be myself," he gives a sigh of relief.

I'm so happy to hear Lloyd say that. Not that I ever thought he was unhappy because of his sexuality, but hearing it in words made me feel like less of a burden to him.

"And I'm even more proud to have a boyfriend like you," he giggles.

It was enough to make me cry. I laugh as small tears roll down my cheeks.

"C'mon, you're a tough guy. You can't be crying because of me like that," he jokes.

I just smile and laugh as Lloyd brings his hand to my face to wipe away the streak of tears. Normally I always found myself comforting him but it's nice to know that Lloyd would do the same for me when I need him. Not that I had any doubt.

"I love you so much," was all I could think to say. It's the only thing that runs through my mind most of the day. And I can't believe I was so afraid to say it at first. I regret not telling him I love him sooner. I really waited until I was almost dead to tell him. Most people don't expect to hear their boyfriend tell them they love them while they've got a sword through the lung. I'll be honest, my main drive to keep going was to be able to make sure I could tell Lloyd I love him again.

As we hold each other close and laugh through our own tears, a voice comes through the speaker.

This could mean one of two things. Either Koko is here to pick us up, or someone reported us for skipping class. Either way, it's a good excuse to stop crying in this bathroom.

Lloyd took his hand in mine as we walked out into the empty halls. Everyone was in class so we didn't have to worry about anyone pointing or laughing or making fun of us. It was nice. We walked slowly, taking our time to enjoy the silence. We calmly walked into the office of the school to see Koko standing there waiting for us. Good to know we weren't in any trouble.

"Oh, I'm so glad you boys are okay, (Y/N)'s phone call had me so worried!" Koko admits as she runs to hug both of us. "I already signed you two out. You can tell me what happened in the car."

The three of us leave the building and walk toward the mostly empty visitor parking lot and Lloyd and I hop in the backseat of his mother's car.

"Did you get permission from my mom to sign me out?" I ask, knowing that a legal guardian most likely has to be the one to consent to their child leaving school.

"What your school doesn't know won't kill them," she smirks.

On the way back to Lloyd's place Koko could only ask question after question about what happened after we got the chance to calm down a little. Lloyd looked so exhausted so I did most of the talking. All while holding his hand in mine. Hearing about how our day was only a few hours in was absolutely devastating to Koko. She knows Lloyd has always had a terrible time in school and the two of us being a couple only makes the bullying worse.