In the two weeks I've been living with the Holt family, my life started to fall into some kind of ritual. During the day, I play with Amelia, feed her, get her to sleep and then sometimes help prepare Rosanna dinner, or I watch a TV. I haven't gone out to discover London yet.

I've had to babysit Amelia every day these two weeks. Sometimes even put her to bed at night, because Mrs Holt, as Rosalyn as she insisted on me calling her now, had to work late. And Mr Holt rarely came home for a dinner.

I feared the weekends, though, because Alexander doesn't have school on Saturday and Sunday (not that that means he's not home that much during the week, because he is), but him being home for two whole days straight ... Gah.

But it turned out that he wasn't home at all on the weekends, being God knows where doing God knows what. I stayed clear of him, avoided him as much as I possibly could. When I saw him in the house, I turned around and went the other way.

He wasn't always present at the dinner, but when he was, I never even looked at him. I learned my lesson.

I spent a lot of time talking to Rosanna. I made friends with her and I liked talking to her. I got pretty comfortable around her, so much, I once asked her about Alfred Holt not being home that much. He usually came home pretty late, when I was already sleeping, and went to work before I woke up.

Rosanna told me that he works a lot and has been for years now. When I boldly asked her if he might have a mistress, which wasn't my business anyway, Rosanna just looked at me like I was crazy. "No, Gabrielle. I'm pretty sure Alfred doesn't have any other woman besides Rosalyn. He loves his wife more than himself and anything else. But, in his state ... he needed to find some distractions. That turned out to be work for him."

When I asked her why he'd need a distraction, Rosanna only shook her head and turned away from me. "Prepare a salad, alright?" was her answer to my question, avoiding it.

I didn't ask her about it ever again and I never even tried to make a conversation about Mr and Mrs Holt and their marriage.

Instead, I did ask her about Alexander. I asked her how he was as a little boy, and Rosanna said he was a pretty good and smart boy. She also said that he changed a lot. He started hanging out with the wrong people until he became one.

But, she assured me, he's still a good boy, he just needs someone to bring it out of him.

I didn't comment on that, but I had to bite down on my tongue not to say something really sarcastic.

I also asked Rosanna how come she doesn't babysit Amelia. She told me she's in charge of keeping the house clean and making sure no one gets hungry, but that Rosalyn and Alfred are all for giving chances to young people and it's popular here in London to get someone from abroad to look after the kids, which is why they decided to take that route. They were convinced someone younger might be better suited for someone like Amelia.

So, two weeks passed without any repeat performance of what happened with Alexander, but I did make sure my room is always safely locked.

I also found out another thing that made me fall in love with my room even more. When I opened my window, I could climb out on the rooftop without any difficulty. Therefore, I often found myself going out at night, sitting on the rooftop and just watch the peaceful Hampstead street at night and admire it from up high.

Other nights, I found myself laying down on the rooftop and gaze up at the stars, if there were any. Sometimes the night was pitch black with no stars in sight. I loved those nights the most.

Two weeks and three days after that fateful night Alexander threatened me outside my room, I find myself babysitting Amelia with Alexander staying at home, so it's only us three in the house. It's raining tonight and I wonder if that's what's kept Alexander from going anywhere.

If so, I curse the rain in both French and English.

And what's even worse is that he's watching the TV in the living room while Amelia and I are drawing in the other corner, trying to stay as far away from him as possible. I would rather go to my room or Amelia's room and lock us in for our safety, but Amelia begged me to stay down here.

If I thought Alexander was heartless and insensitive before, I'm completely sure of it now, because I also noticed he ignores his little sister as if she didn't even exist and live in the same house as him. He literally never says anything to her, never even looks at her. I find it very strange, but then, what could I even expect from a guy like him?

While sitting here, drawing with Amelia, an idea occurs to me – a stupid one and I don't know why I act on it, but as I stupidly blurt the words out to Amelia, I immediately want to go back a few seconds and put my hand over my mouth so it wouldn't happen, "Go ask your brother if he wants to join us."

I don't have to say it twice. She's literally a fearless little girl who's not afraid of her brother like I am at 18. Amelia looks at Alexander and then back at me with her round, blue eyes. She looks excited as she runs to him. "Alex!" she says loudly. He briefly glances at her. "Will you help me draw?" Amelia asks him cutely in her tiny little voice.

I literally hold my breath of what's going to happen. Shit, I really shouldn't have said anything. I had good intentions, but of course Alexander never heard of that phrase in his life.

Alexander merely stares at her. "No," he says simply.

I close my eyes at that. But Amelia doesn't stop. Oh, no, she goes even further. I watch as she pouts. "Please! I wanna –"

"I said no! Are you deaf?!" he shouts.

I immediately stand up when I see Amelia stumbling back from the force of his shout and I already see tears welling in her eyes, but she's trying to hold them in.

I go to them and stand behind Alexander. "Alexander," I say firmly, wanting to rip him a new one, but I'm too shocked to even say anything else.

He stands up and faces me with his face twisted in anger. "Can't a human being have a little peace in this house anymore?" he asks in rage. "You're paid to babysit Amelia, not me. For fuck's sake!" He angrily pulls at his hair and then swiftly stands up and walks upstairs. I hear the door to his room slam shut seconds after.

Okay. So that was clearly one of the stupidest ideas I've ever had and I hurt Amelia with it. God, I'm so stupid. And I just don't learn, do I?

Amelia's eyes are now full of tears and she's shaking, still in the same spot. I rush to her and wrap my arms around her. "Shh, sweetheart. He didn't mean it in a mean way, baby. He just has ... a bad day. Yeah. A bad day," I say, as if I'm agreeing with myself.

Amelia smirks, holding on to me. "He so mean," Amelia says through her small cries, clinging to my sweater.

My heart shatters at that. I might have been growing up without a family, but I know for sure that no girl should ever feel this way about her brother and no brother should act like that towards his little sister. Alexander is a messed up guy with no heart and I was mistaken for holding a small piece of hope that he might be kind to his little sister, at least.

That's a mistake I'm not going to repeat. Amelia doesn't deserve that and it's on me to protect her from seeing that again.

"Here, are you going to help me finish our drawing before we go take a bath?" I try to make my voice excited and joyful to turn her focus away from the scene that's sure still playing in her head.

Amelia nods and wipes her eyes. "Yeah. I wanna show it to mum tomorrow." She gives me such a breathtaking smile, it touches my soul. Her face is wet from tears and her eyes are red, but she smiles like she wasn't just crying a few seconds ago.

I stand up, going after Amelia back to our drawing corner we were in before. We draw for half an hour before I convince Amelia she should go take a bath and go to bed after.

She demands I read her a fairytale, or, as she says, she won't be able to fall asleep otherwise. She wished for a Little Red Riding Hood. Halfway through the book, she falls asleep.

I softly put the book on the shelves where the others are and then turn the light off, leaving the room quietly and keeping the door a little ajar.

It surprised me that Amelia is sleeping in her own room at that young age at first, but Rosalyn assured me that if anything's wrong, she hears her or she comes to her during the night because she has the monitor. She also said that Amelia insisted on having her own room. She wants to be a grown-up so badly sometimes, but she still crawls in the bed with Rosalyn and Alfred sometimes.

I go to my room and lock myself in, sighing in relief that I can be in here safely again. I go to the bathroom, take a shower and brush my teeth. I put on my comfortable pyjama. I debate if I should go out on the roof tonight or not. It stopped raining, but the roof must be wet.

Oh, screw it. I grab a blanket and throw it out of the window before I climb through it. The air tonight is fresh and crisp, but that doesn't bother me. The sky is cloudy tonight, so not much of the stars can be seen and the street is pretty quiet, only a few distant barks of dogs are heard here and there, but that's all.

It's funny, because I always imagined London as 'always busy'. I'm sure it must be different in the city, but how would I know, since I haven't even been there yet? That seriously needs to change soon. I start craving to go sightseeing. I want to be a tourist in an unknown place again.

I can't possibly hide in the house for a whole year. That would be completely stupid. So, if I have no choice, I'll go discover the city by myself and I can always ask for directions if I get lost. It can't be that hard, right?

Something breaks my thoughts. A sound to my left, a sound that reminds me of a window opening. And then I see Alexander climbing out of the window.

He freezes when he sees me and the chills run down my spine that have nothing to do with the cold air.

"Oh, for fuck's sake. I seriously can't get a break from you, can I?" Alexander groans out, looking up at the sky as if all the answers are up there.

I ignore him completely.

I don't say anything back as he climbs back in and closes the window and the blinds, but not before I can hear him mutter, "I can't fucking believe this shit," under his breath.

My body relaxes once I don't see him anymore. I don't want his actions to get to me, but they do and I don't know why. He's an asshole, that's for sure, but does he seriously have to be that mean to someone he doesn't even know? What have I ever done to him?

I feel so weak because I feel like there's nothing to do that'll change his mind about me and that honestly sucks. I really don't want us to be enemies. I don't know how to play that game. But I won't let him treat me like dirt for no reason, either. I need to start standing up for me. Because if I don't, who else will? That lesson I learned back in France.

People will never step on your side unless they are going to gain something out of it. No one would sacrifice themselves to defend someone and risk standing out. I learned that a hard way.

So, a new start means a new person for me. I don't want to be a small girl from small-town who is afraid to speak up and I have enough of everyone walking all over me. This needs to end and I need to stop people from hurting me more than they did. They don't deserve my sadness over them. It's not worth to keep myself awake at night, wondering if I'm really such a bad human and that I'm so easily hateable.

Minutes later, I hear and then see Alexander riding on his motorcycle in the night, speeding down the street. And I get even calmer, knowing that he's not in the house anymore. I couldn't get far enough from him to feel safe.

I stay out here on the rooftop until I literally can't feel my limbs anymore and I can't move my fingers anymore because of the cold. And I see Rosalyn's Mercedes driving on the driveway so I finally move inside then. Stepping back inside the warm place is like a shock to my body, but it feels good. I climb into my bed and wrap myself in the covers.

I hear Rosalyn walking quietly in the house, but I'm asleep before she even comes at the top of the stairs.

•••

The next day at breakfast, Rosalyn and Alfred inform me that I can have a day off today because Alfred is staying at home and is looking after Amelia. They also informed me they asked their niece, Samantha, to come here and show me around the town.

I was nervous to meet her. Especially when they said she's my age. She's Alexander's cousin, after all. And when Alfred said she's close with Alexander, I lost all my faith. I wanted to get out of it, trying to decline politely, but Rosalyn just brushed me off by, "Nonsense! You need to go out, we're keeping you in this house entirely too much. Besides, go look around so you'll be able to take Amelia out, too."

She has a good point. I see now why she's such a successful lawyer. She just leaves you no room to argue back and it's unnerving. I find myself stiffly nodding my head while all I wanted was to run upstairs, lock myself in the room, and not come out until tomorrow. But, sadly, life has other plans for me. Or at least Rosalyn and Alfred do.

I slowly eat my breakfast, thinking if I do it slow enough, it'll get me some more time. But Samantha comes into the kitchen with cheery smiles for everyone and I pause with the cup of cocoa in front of my lips, staring at her.

She's ... gorgeous. I can't describe her with any other word. She has dark brown hair that are falling almost down to her waist, she's thin, and she has a beautiful face, with big green eyes that scream for attention. I'm afraid my mouth is hanging open as I stare at her, so I press the cup against my lips to hide my expression.

Samantha kisses Alfred and Rosalyn on their cheeks. "Hello, my favourite people," she drawls out in perfect British accent.

Rosalyn chuckles. "Sam! I'm so terribly happy you made some time to come here and show Gabrielle around. I appreciate it very much."

Samantha turns then to me, looks me up and down and then grins widely. "The infamous Gabrielle Perth." She whistles loudly. "Alex, boy, you found yourself so much trouble." She winks at me.

My mouth does hang open now and I don't even hide it. Alexander? I turn around to see if he's maybe in the kitchen, but he's not. What is Samantha talking about?

I look at Alfred and Rosalyn with a puzzled expression. Alfred is smiling smugly, shaking his head. And Rosalyn has that distant, but hopeful look on her face, staring right at me.

I put the cup down and turn back to Samantha. I force a smile as I say, "Samantha, good morning. Thank you for taking the time and showing me around here."

Samantha's smile gets even wider. She puts her hands on her hips, nodding her head. "You're welcome. It's Sam, by the way."

She's not bad at all! "Okay, Sam. Let me grab my jacket and we can go."

"Don't forget your umbrella, too. You never know when it's going to start raining with this moody weather," she jokes.

When we step outside the house, I turn to her, putting my hands in my jacket as the chill air hits me. Even in May, I find out the weather can be pretty chilly, especially after a night of raining. "What did you mean by Alexander being in trouble?" I ask hesitantly.

Sam looks at me. Really looks at me. And then she shakes her head, holding back a laugh. "You'll see what I mean soon enough. Let's go now, tourist."

Her words confuse me. She goes before me and I stare after her for a few seconds before I speed up so I can get to her. "What do you mean with that?"

Sam levels me with a gaze and shakes her head, looking amused. "You're a curious one, aren't you?"

"It's all your fault!" I accuse her, laughing.

Sam shakes her head at me again and turns her head forward again, but not before I see a smile spreading on her lips. "I see we're going to have a lot of fun together. Now follow me, we have a lot to see."