I go take a shower to wake myself up a bit. I look like a car ran over me. I'm pale, my hair is tangled in a mess and my eyes are just ... too big for my face. What a sight I am.

After showering and changing clothes, I decide it's maybe time I go eat something, even though the thought of food doesn't sound very appealing to me after a night of vomiting, but I feel weak and my body is clearly screaming to feed it.

When I come downstairs I'm surprised to see Alexander laying on the couch comfortably with his friend over – one of the guys that visited last time. ''Glad to see you didn't die up there, Little one,'' Alexander snickers at me, thinking he's funny to die for.

Tragic. ''Like you would care if I did,'' I shoot back, rolling my eyes.

That wipes the smirk off his face and he pulls his arm from under his head and sits up a bit. I just continue walking into the kitchen.

It's empty, but I notice that there's lunch waiting for me. I know it's from me because there's a note placed on the dishes with my name on it. And as I open the lid, the smell of fried meat hits my nostrils and my stomach loudly demands the food.

I say a quick thank you to Rosanna in my head and dig into my food.

But my appetite doesn't last long. Alexander walks into the kitchen minutes later. I feel jumpier today around him than the other days because I know that I caused trouble for him and that wasn't my intention.

He eyes me up and down, resting his eyes on my face for a few seconds before he shakes his head and opens the refrigerator, taking out two beers. Then, he searches a cabinet for a bag of chips.

I hold my breath the whole time, I even stopped eating. But, thankfully, he leaves without any remark, leaving me alone again to eat in peace. And I do, as quick as possible, not wanting to stay here any longer just in case he changes his mind and comes strolling back in here and attacks me for whatever reason.

I'm surprised he didn't say anything about yesterday night, though. I'm hoping he won't. I'm actually embarrassed to think about it. And I don't have any other explanation for what has gotten into me that I wanted to take a ride with him. I could blame vodka or I could blame Ryder, saying I wanted him to leave me alone.

I won't think about this right now. If Alexander doesn't addresses the subject, then I won't either. I'm not causing myself any more trouble.

•••

The day passes really fast. I decided to leave the house and clear my mind a bit. It was hot outside today so I decided on wearing jeans and a T-shirt. I wasn't really a fan of shorts, so I left those at home.

I felt a little daring today and decided to go to the city and explore it a bit myself. I prayed that I wouldn't get lost because I don't know what I'd do all by myself in the big city, having no phone to call anyone.

But, really. Who would I call anyway?

So, I spend the rest of the day in the city, finding the reasons why London is known for its beauty and magic. I'm fascinated by everything around me. Especially people. They're all so nice to me and I'm just a stranger to them.

It actually makes me yearn to stay here forever. Until I remember that not everything is really that perfect here. Maybe on the outside, it's all bliss and beauty, but inside ...

So, no. It's not really the city that could grant me an escape from my old life. It's way more than that. And I was actually stupid for believing that if I moved somewhere completely new, everything would suddenly change.

I wander around the city until the sun is starting to set and the sky starts to darken. I watch the changing sky. I love the sky in the summer, especially the sunsets. They're always special.

But my admiring stops abruptly when I look around and don't notice anything familiar. I haven't been walking here before.

And just like that, I realise that I don't actually know where I am.

I try not to panic, I really do. I take some calming breaths, looking around to see if any store would be familiar, but hello, this is London and there are the same stores around every corner. I try to look to see if there's anything to see where even am I.

And when I don't, that's when I let myself panic.

There goes my praying.

I can't even remember where I came from through the fog in my mind. It probably has to do something that I was carelessly walking around, too deep in my thoughts to keep looking where I'm even going. And here I have it now.

I keep wandering around again, looking around me. As the sun starts setting, I see how the city changes in front of my eyes. There's nothing the same. It's completely different walking around the city in the daytime than at nighttime. Even people are different. They're louder, they're smiling more and they're just more ... energetic.

Also, another thing, there are a lot more people here now than there was when the sun was still up high.

That makes me panic even more.

When I admit my defeat, I ask some people to point me to the nearest underground station. One thing more to add to my list why I love London so much – there are a lot of underground stations around. Thank God for the nice women out in the dark because men seem to transform from princes to frogs in the nighttime.

I go to the underground and then wait for my Tube. I don't have to wait long, thankfully. It's full, so I have to stand, but that doesn't bother me, even though my legs hurt from walking around so much today.

I'll really need to get used to this. Because I want to repeat this as soon as possible, the next time of course without getting lost if it'll be possible. There's just something ... exciting about the city, something intriguing.

When I get back to the villa, it's really dark outside. The air also chilled and I'm thankful that I wore jeans instead of shorts.

''My God! Where were you?'' are the words that I get greeted with the instant I step foot inside.

Alfred, Rosalyn, holding Amelia and Sam rush in the hallway, joining Rosanna who's looking me up and down as if she was looking for any injuries.

''I'm ... I was in the city. Did something happen?'' I ask cautiously, looking from one to another.

Rosalyn puts her hand on her forehead, closing her eyes and Sam response to my question, ''We thought you got lost somewhere! You didn't even tell anyone where you're going. And without you having a cellphone, we couldn't reach you.''

I'm speechless. Completely without any words to say back. Because it's the first time in a long, long time that someone worried about something happening to me. I feel it. I feel their worry, see their sincerity shining from their eyes and can spot it by their serious, pale faces.

They were all actually worried about me. And the feeling is ... really nice, I'd say. ''I did get lost.'' I chuckle, but when five pair of wide eyes continue just staring at me like I'll vanish in the air any second, I get serious again. ''Uhm, I'm fine. Asked for directions and I'm here now.''

''Do you have any idea what could have happened to you out there? In the dark?'' Alfred asks with his deep voice that instantly makes me stand up straighter, feeling like a child being scolded. I never had a father and Alfred, at this moment at least, makes me show what it would be like to have one.

''I ...Yes,'' I say quietly, defiantly. I never felt good, thinking I did something wrong. I didn't think about the consequences when going to the city today by myself. I especially didn't think anyone would be worried about me. I've been my own person for years now and I didn't have to answer to anyone else basically. I got used to it, so used to it that I don't even know how to appropriately respond to the situation I found myself in.

Rosalyn puts her hand on Alfred's shoulder, calming him down with her touch as she addresses me, ''Gabby, you're free to wander around London, especially when you have a free day, but you worried us and I found out you don't have a phone. So, tomorrow, I'm going to purchase one for you.''

''No. Rosalyn, you don't have to do –''

She stops me, ''We do, Gabby. You know you're our responsibility. As long as you live under the same roof as we, we're responsible for you. And if anything happened to you ...'' She shakes her head. ''No one wishes that.''

''But you really don't have to –''

''We'll feel better if you have a phone, Gabby. It's not a big deal,'' Alfred reassures me. He takes Amelia up in his arms who's currently watching the scene in front of her.

''I don't want you to buy me a phone!'' I finally burst out without anyone interrupting me. I was getting frustrated.

''Kid, listen to them. They only wish you well,'' Rosanna says sincerely.

''But it's too much,'' I protest, still not comprehending that they actually want to buy me a phone.

I did have a phone back home. I tossed it away. I didn't need it anyway. I was tired of seeing the same ugly messages on my screen, crying about them and feeling bad. I had no one to call, no one to text, yet so many people seemed to love to have my number and text me constantly.

I didn't wish to have a phone anymore. Like, ever.

But right now, seeing that these people actually do care about me and that they're not only pretending to be nice to me, but they really are, envokes something inside of me and it makes me think that it'd be okay to accept a gift from someone.

It's a gift, isn't it? I should see it as a gift. Or I could pay it off ... ''Okay. But I'm paying you back to the last pound,'' I tell them, crossing my arms in front of my chest and meet everyone's eyes so they all know I mean business.

Rosalyn looks at Alfred and they communicate without any words needed when she finally says, ''We have enough money to provide you a much-needed phone. We don't want you to pay us back, you've already done enough for us. Let that be your payment.''

''I'm already receiving the payment for that,'' I say to Rosalyn.

Rosalyn smiles softly and shakes her head. ''No, Gabby. You aren't. But I think you should.''

My eyebrows raise up high at her, staring at her in disbelief. Alright. What? ''Uhm ... I'm pretty sure –''

Rosanna loudly claps her hands together. ''Gabby, you must be hungry. Come, let's make you something to eat.''

She turns around and starts walking before I can say anything back. I stare at her retreating back for a few seconds before I look at Rosalyn and Alfred in all my confusion.

''And we should get Amelia ready for bed,'' Alfred says, putting his arm around his wife.

''Go eat something, dear,'' Rosalyn says in the motherly tone that makes my chest tighten. I feel like crying and not from sadness.

I nod. ''Okay,'' I agree. Because I am hungry.

I make sure I eat everything Rosanna prepared for me. I feel like I owe everyone after I made them worried, even though that was not my intention at all.

''You're a smart girl, Gabby, but if you do this again, you'll have to answer to me,'' Rosanna says.

I stare at her fearfully, almost fully finished with eating. I feel like I'm a criminal today. ''I won't do it again. I was stupid and I learned my lesson. I promise.''

Rosanna nods and clears the table. She prepares hot cacao for both of us and we drink it, having a small talk. I think I'm forgiven by the time I head up to my room.

I take a long, much-needed shower. I take my time today and enjoy it.

And then, I just go out on the roof, enjoying the view tonight. The sky is full of stars tonight and it's beautiful to see, even though I prefer a starless night. And I might have seen a meteor or two tonight.

I don't make any wish, though. I stopped believing in things like this a long, long time ago.

When Alexander comes through the window, I'm prepared. I knew somehow that he will come out tonight, call it an instinct or whatever. I'm not surprised, I don't even turn around.

I'm surprised he doesn't make any snarky comment as to why I'm where he is again. He only sits down by me, silently, and stares at the same sky I'm staring at.

A long time passes in silence before I decide to break it by saying something that's been bothering me this whole day. ''For all it means, I'm sorry that I caused trouble between you and your girlfriend.''

I expect a sarcastic or even a mean reply back. But what I get is him throwing his head back and laughing. ''So fucking good,'' Alexander says, shaking his head.

''What?'' I shoot back.

''Stop apologising on other's behalf. The one causing trouble between us was Sophie, not you. And you're not apologising for her,'' he tells me adamantly.

I open and close my mouth like a fish out of the water. I expected anything from him, really. But I did not expect what he said. At all. ''Well ... she seemed mad because I rode with you.''

Alexander chuckles dryly. ''I ride with a lot of girls, Little one.''

Well, I knew that too. I lick my dry lips before answering, ''But she seemed ... I don't know, jealous.'' I scrunch my nose up. ''Or is she like that with everyone else too?'' I ask curiously.

Alexander looks at me with raised eyebrows. ''I'm not discussing her with you,'' he suddenly snaps. ''Or our relationship for that matter.''

I don't know where his outburst suddenly comes from, but it surprises me since I thought I could have a normal conversation with him. I guess I was wrong. ''Well, sorry. I only wanted to apologise,'' I say begrudgingly.

''And I told you you shouldn't. Move on.'' When I look at him, I see him rolling his eyes in annoyance. He casually takes out a pack of cigarettes and takes one out of the box.

He actually surprises me by offering one to me. I think the only reason that he did it is because he knows I won't take it. I shake my head and scrunch my nose up in disgust again.

He shrugs and puts the pack back in his pocket, lighting his cigarette up then.

I shake my head to myself and stand up. I know he doesn't want my company and would prefer to be alone. I'm not in the mood today to deal with him and to stand against him. I'm not in the mood to feel unwanted when I taste how good it feels to be wanted. ''I'll just rather go to sleep,'' I announce.

I pause for a second, waiting to get a response from Alexander. I'm not hoping for him to beg me to stay or even ask me to be out here with him. But he literally stays mute and doesn't say anything back.

I purse my lips and lower my head. And then, without any further word or even look at him, I go in my room through my window and make sure I lock it.

It's going to be hot as hell in my room, but I'm not leaving my window open with Alexander being out there.

everything