I feel like an actual piece of garbage. I don't feel okay and everything in my life is going to shit.

I slowly closed my eyes as I took a deep breath in, trying to relax my tensed muscles as my mood only got worse.

My sexuality is the last thing I'd ever want the people in my school to know about and the fact that I'm sitting here on my couch like a dead pig contemplating whether my life is still worth it or not because I got outed is a really trashy feeling.

"Fuck my life!" I screamed, already feeling my mom's cold glare pierce through the kitchen.

"Micah, language!" She yelled back, proceeding to walk towards me. "Is everything okay?" She asked with a seriously worried tone, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

My eyes kept closed for only another second until I finally opened them at her. "Have you ever had one of those days where you just honestly wanna vanish. Or better, sleep and never wake up again?"

My mom humorously looked up. "Yea of course, every time I remember I married your asshole of a father."

"Well mom this is worse." I felt my breathing start to become more rapid as I fixed my posture on the couch. "Maybe not worse but it's definitely not okay." I added.

"Okay, spill the tea already! Throw shade!" She laughed as I cringed. "Wait before you do I just wanted to say that I really like your slang by the way and I use it at work, everybody loves me now because I'm a such cool mom."

"I don't even say those things." I suddenly winced. "You're not that cool-" She quickly interrupted me.

"Hush, I don't need your approval because I know I'm cool." She smiled before speaking again. "Now forget about me. What's your issue?"

I tried to speak through the incoming wave of emotions as I rolled my eyes. "You know that football player I told you about." She quickly closed her eyes since she seemed to connect the dots already. "Well he outed me out to everyone at school, and now my phone is being blasted with DM's and comments if it's true or not."

"DM's?" She queried out of nowhere, making me roll my eyes as I answered.

"Direct messages."

"Oh, well I specifically told you not to trust him just because he's attractive. I warned you about this. You can't just tell the other kids that he's lying?" She spoke, continuing to make my blood boil at myself for being so stupid to be trusting the football team captain just because he was hot.

"Mom they're not gonna believe me! He's popular and I'm not." My voice got subtly quieter as continued. "Well now I am since I'm now known for being this little thirsty gay kid who wants to get with the captain of the football team. What makes it worse is that it's actually the other way around! It's not okay to out someone's sexuality just because you're insecure about yours and you have a reputation to keep."

"I'm really sorry Micah." My mom's tone was very depressing to hear. Knowing how close we are, I can tell how saddened she genuinely feels about my situation. "We're gonna fix this okay?" I slowly nodded as I returned her warm comforting hug.

"I don't know how but thanks I guess." I sighed through my existential crisis, my mind racing on what I should do next.

Jump off a cliff maybe?

Knocks on my front door progressively got harder as I tried to ignore it so I don't miss a single moment of my favorite T.V show, but it was clearly not gonna stop.

Ugh why do other humans exist!

I rolled my eyes as I casually opened the door. "May I help you." My mouth dropped as Brandon's green eyes sliced through mine. "What the hell, what are you doing here?"

I felt myself unconsciously move back from him as a rush of emotions began to course through my body every second I kept my eyes on him. It was like looking at someone absolutely different. All the moments, the time, the things we gave to each other, stripped away as if it was some fever dream that never happened.

"You don't sound too happy to see me." He smirked, walking himself in as he adjusted his varsity jacket. My mouth was still dropped as I watched him act so careless. "Look Micah, I gotta admit, you're so much better than my girlfriend. She doesn't even know how to kiss me right."

"Brandon this is not okay! Get out of my house." My fists tightened as looking at him only made me angrier.

"Why are you so mad?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

My eyebrows furrowed down as my mouth only got wider. "Why am I- why am I mad? Are you fucking kidding me right now? You outed me out to everyone at school!" I screamed out.

Thank god my mom went to the store because he's about to catch these hands.

"Oh that." Brandon pouted as he looked like he was holding in a chuckle. "I didn't think you'd care." He shrugged.

"This is ridiculous! Brandon get out of my house, I can't believe you just said that." I pointed my finger to the door.

"Chill Micah, you're acting like a girl. That's one of the reasons why I liked getting with you. You didn't act like a little bitch. But now look at you." He threw me a dirty look as he buried his hands into his jacket pockets.

"Well this little bitch doesn't want anything to do with you. You ruined my life and you don't even seem to have a single ounce of care!" I rapidly swung the door open as I gestured for him to leave. "I never wanna see you again. You're a disgusting human being."

"Yea right. I know you think I'm hot!" Brandon replied back.

My face wrinkled in pure confusion as my hand ruffled into my head. "W-what are you even saying right now. Who are you. The Brandon I know would've never done that to me."

"L-look I just told everyone that you were gay. I mean it's not like I lied, you are gay right? I just don't get why you would be so mad about it." He defended as tears began to stream down my flushed cheeks now. "I mean I basically have it worse, I'm the one that's gotta face all the questions like why was I hanging out with the gay kid. I had to tell everyone I hung out with you for tutoring and I hate lying."

"Are you even straight?" My voice got unconsciously louder as he prepared to reply again.

"I'm 100 percent straight, bro." He slowly nodded his head, a perfect strand of brown hair falling onto his eyes. "I just wanted to experiment and see how kissing a guy would feel like."

"B-but-" I struggled to talk as began to cry more as it seemed like it only annoyed him even more. "You said you liked me. You said you were never gonna let anyone hurt me. All these years you made me think it was safe to open myself up to you and I've never done that before." I sniffed as I felt like dying.

"Oh come now don't cry, I just said those things because it made you more passionate. if I never said those things you would've been so dry at kissing, and mind you, you're a virgin. Virgins are awful at kissing." Every word that left his mouth stabbed and tore me apart as I began to feel dizzy now.

"That is so bullshit! Are you listening to yourself right now? You're trapped inside a glass closet Brandon. Also I'm not just some experiment, I'm a human being!" My fists clenched at him.

"Something tells me you're not really mad at me." Brandon threw me a smug look, biting his lip as he slowly moved closer towards me.

"What are you talking about?" My face was disgusted as I moved back, my tears dripping down on the wooden floor.

"Your nose is bleeding." He let out a devilish laugh as I let out a tired sigh. "That only ever happens when we do stuff together. Micah I know you like the way I make you feel."

I gently brushed my hand under my nose and let out an exasperated noise as it quickly drew blood. "Get out! I never wanna see you again!"

"Whatever." He shrugged, preparing to leave. "Have fun getting your ass handed to you on Monday. The boys in the football team are already planning to beat the fuck outta you anyway, fag." He laughed as he walked out the door, making me slam it the second he walked out.

I took a deep breath as I tried to gather up my thoughts but I failed and eventually just got lost in them like a tornado in my head. I didn't even notice the tears that continued to fall down my cheeks anymore as I processed everything he said. I couldn't control myself as I began to have a full on breakdown.

If anybody told me that my usually uneventful life would somehow take a turn for the worse because of the one person I trusted, I would've laughed. But then again, if I got to see myself crying right now I probably would have laughed too. Who was I to let myself have access to the privilege of becoming blind through love; or whatever that entailed. I was blinded by a plethora of words, not reading between them because I simply took them as said. I was blinded by a boy who made me feel like for once I was actually seeing how life should be seen, not even questioning his ulterior motives or even thinking he had any. I figured there was no use pointing fingers or playing the victim because quite frankly, I'm the only one to blame.

I was especially blinded by myself, burying my mind and soul beneath a level of delusion that made me think and actually believe that for once, I deserve to be happy.

I slowly turned around against the door, resting my head on it as I cried, proceeding to curl up into a ball to only cry louder. My quiet sounds of cries mixed in with the engine of his car outside as it proceeded to drive away.

A rainfall of tears continued to leave my eyes as I felt my tightened chest begin to hurt and my throat begin to form a lump. I felt broken since it was so easy for him to say those things to me like I was nothing. Like I wasn't human. I began to feel disgusted with myself as I couldn't believe I let Brandon touch me thinking like he actually cared about me. How pathetic that I actually thought someone like him would like me for me.

He told everyone the only thing I felt like I had complete control over and it might be dramatic to say, but it felt like the world was ending. God knows I didn't have a single bone in my body that would be ready to confront everyone about it and he took that freedom and choice from me.

After what felt like an eternity of sobbing like a lost dog, I finally gained enough energy to get up from the door and go back to my room.

I don't care what anybody says, boys can cry too.

My mom entered herself into my room with a surprising smile, making me internally roll my eyes at what she could possibly be planning now.

"Micah, I need to tell you something." She spoke quietly as she turned my lamp on.

"Ew turn it back off!" I exclaimed, hissing at the light like a vampire.

"Okay." She quickly turned it back off. "So I know you don't have any friends. I know you hate talking to people, and I also know you won't show your face to school on Monday. I talked to your counselor today and she understood how serious and difficult your issue is right now. She's planning to talk to Brandon. She also said that you can do your classes online until you finally feel comfortable to go back to school again."

I sniffed as my eyes still felt sore. "Funny because I'm never going back to that hell hole. Going to Amphitrite has been the worse experience in my life so far."

She nodded in reply. "Look I really think It would help you a lot to talk to someone, anyone, other than just me. I really want you to at least have 2 people to talk too."

"Everyone kinda hates me for no reason. Who would wanna be friends with me?" I spoke tiredly, my voice sounding like an actual dying cat. "Also there's so many fake people out there, how do I know who to trust?"

"I'm pretty sure no one hates you Micah, you probably just need to work on opening up. Also when you meet a genuine friend you'd know it in your heart." I stayed quiet since she's actually kind of right. "So I think it would help if I signed you up for this thing called Camp Closeted." She quickly handed me a small pamphlet.

Once I saw the rainbow flag on the piece of paper I had already rolled my eyes all the way back to my skull.

Even through my painfully sore eyes I still managed to widen them at her. "Mom no! You're not gonna send me away to just some random camp!"

"Well too bad I already did. Surprise!" She laughed quietly. "Pack your bags because you're leaving tomorrow." She happily clapped as she turned the lamp back on.

I felt myself start to have a panic attack. "Just because I'll be surrounded with other gay guys doesn't mean I'll be friends with any of them! What if all of them turn out to be sassy and rude or something."

"Have you ever seen another gay person other than the stereotypical ones you see in T.V?" She asked, I didn't know what to say so I remained quiet. "Exactly! You're being sassy and rude yourself by assuming they'd all be like that. If you end up not liking it you can leave, I'll go and pick you up. But how bad can it possibly be Micah?"

I grabbed the box of tissues as I blew my nose out, trying to process what the hell my mom was thinking signing an antisocial to engage in a social place. "How long is this camp gonna be?"

"3 months." She casually shrugged.

"3 months!" I exclaimed in genuine shock.

"3 months." She assured.

"Mom, I'm really not sure about that. That's actually a really long time." I fixed my posture on my bed as I contemplated whether I should go or not.

What kind of camp goes on for 3 months?

"Micah you don't have any friends! Not to be rude, but in your age that's really depressing. How can you be a senior in high school and be friendless. You're very handsome you might even meet someone." She cheered. "Just go and check it out. If you don't like it I promise I'll come and get you as soon as possible."

After a long awkward silence I finally spoke again. "I guess." I muttered, not knowing how to feel about my incoming forced human interactions tomorrow.

"Micah I love you." Her hand gently ran through my hair as she brought my blanket higher over me. I began to fight the urge to cry as she continued. "You've always been my super baby and no matter what this thing isn't gonna change how kind and loving you truly are. You grew up to be only the best parts of me because quite honestly I'm trying my hardest right now not to grab a bat to beat that boy's face in." What she said made me laugh out the tears that glistened on my eyes.

"I thought about it." I joked as she warmly pursed her lips at me.

"I'm here for you." She nodded, proceeding to stand back up. "I love you! Stop crying over some football douchebag and pack up your bags hunty! You have a fabulous camp to go to!" She clapped her hands like a lunatic as I threw her an exhausted smile, my mind running through the many awkward interactions I will probably have to endure tomorrow.

Hey all! Thank you so so much for taking a chance on this book and also, PLSSS IGNORE THE MEDIA ABOVE LMAO. I made it so many years ago and I've only realized how atrocious it was after I grew up and gained a better understanding of medias and graphic design.

Ima just leave it though. I think it's so ugly that it makes it iconic XD

all votes and comments are so greatly welcome and appreciated. They help lots and I like reading your super funny comments now and then, they make me so happy so thank you!

follow me on Instagram @kobealcala for any questions or concerns! Enjoy reading bestie!! 💕