When Frank left my room on Saturday afternoon after our talk, he didn't close the door properly, but I couldn't be bothered to get up and shut it myself. It made eavesdropping a whole lot easier, anyway.

I knew that Gerard would inevitably end up asking him a lot of questions since I'd ended up talking to Frank and not him. Here's the conversation I overheard:

"She talked to you? ...I knew she would... is she okay?"

"She's still just recovering from last night, I think."

"So she told you what happened?"

"Yeah."

"Can—"

"I can't tell you, Gee. I told her I wouldn't. But, she'll tell you soon, I'm sure. Give her some time."

I stopped listening after that.

Frank told me he wouldn't break my trust, and I guess he really meant it. But, oddly, I'm kind of disappointed because it means that I'll eventually have to recount everything to Gerard myself. But how do I go about telling him? I can't exactly just go up to him and say, "Oh, I was kicked out of my friend's house because we kissed. And, also, I'm gay."

There'll never be a perfect time to tell him, though. What's that saying? There's no time like the present?

More like, there's no time ever because time is just a theoretical construct created by humans.

• • •

Sunday was sad and boring.

In my experience, "sad and boring," is a perfect way to describe Sunday. It's the day before school starts again, nothing good is on TV, the weather always seems to be dreary.

Gerard was busy though. He stayed in his office most of the day, only coming out for the occasional cup of coffee and to make me lunch and dinner. I didn't want to eat, but I did only because I knew I had to, and it made me feel guilty. I'm not sure why.

We barely spoke.

But, now it's Monday morning and I'm looking forward to seeing Emerald. The first thing I'll do is apologize. I'll apologize for ruining her Halloween, apologize for kissing her back, apologize because I feel bad that she needs to live with someone like her father. Come to think of it, I don't even know his name. I don't think I want to know.

"Here, Eve," Gerard says, handing me some money which I stick in my pocket as always. "Have a good day."

I give him a tired wave goodbye then climb out of the car.

Once inside the school, I make a beeline for Em's locker where I find her standing, waiting. "Hey, Em," I greet her.

"Hey," she mumbles.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine. Here's your stuff," she shoves my bag I left at her house into my arms and starts walking away.

"Hey!" I grab her sleeve, "Em, where are you going?"

She turns around, yanking her sleeve from my grasp, with a look I can't decipher on her face. She looks very tired, and her blue hair even looks less lively. "I- I can't talk to you, Eve. I have to go."

"Wait, Em... I'm sorry."

She pays no attention to those words, and leaves me in the hallway, dejected. She doesn't even turn around for one last look at me before swiftly making her way to her first class.

This can't be her doing, I know it. She wouldn't just stop talking to me like that. It must've been her dad. He must have told her to stay away from me, or something. I hadn't even stopped to think of what she had probably been enduring from him all weekend, but I'm powerless against him and it crushes me.

I'm not mad at her for walking away. The only person I'm mad at is myself. I'm a terrible, terrible friend, and now I have to go through the day all on my own.

Without the only person that has kept me sane throughout school so far.

Without my Emerald.

• • •

I'm relieved when the lunch bell finally rings. History was the worst class I've ever had to sit through. Instead of my usual banter with Emerald in the back of the class, I sat alone in the corner, and she took a seat as far away from me as possible.

I weave through the crowd and go to the library to read Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I did, in fact, end up telling the librarian to order the next books in the series after loving the first one so much. I'm glad she did, because right now I'm in desperate need of being transported to another world.

I'm sick of this one.

I settle myself in the chair in the far corner of the library, which today, isn't completely empty. I notice two girls sitting at a table a few feet away from me, talking about something. This time, I didn't mean to listen in to their conversation. It's just, they said something that piqued my interest; a word I'd never heard before.

"...I don't know, my brother said she's anorexic, or something," a blonde girl says, leaning over closer to her friend as she lowers her voice.

"Whatever," the other one replies nonchalantly, "He should dump her."

Anorexic? I don't know what those girls are talking about, but they're being really bitchy about it. I don't need any extra negative vibes today, so I just stick my nose back in my book.

The rest of the day was just as depressing. The sky fit my mood perfectly, only becoming darker and angrier looking as the hours ticked by all too slowly. Rain was pounding down by the time I ran across the school's parking lot, halfheartedly shielding myself from the rain with my arms.

"Hey, Kiddo," Gerard says as I climb into the passenger seat of his car.

"Hi."

"Good day?"

I just shrug. I'm not gonna burden him with more of my high school drama.

"Weather's crazy today," he tries to make some light conversation.

"Yeah."

"You okay, Eve?"

"Fine. Just tired."

As soon as we get home I go to my room and close the door behind me. It wasn't a complete lie, what I said earlier. I am incredibly tired. I'm also pretty cold, so I wrap myself up in a blanket and sit on my bed, grabbing my laptop in the process. Immediately, I go to the search bar and type one word, 'anorexic,' then click on the first link.

"Anorexia Nervosa, commonly known as , is an eating disorder characterized by low weight, fear of gaining weight, and a strong desire to be thin which results in food intake restriction."

Okay, "Food intake restriction," might relate to me, but it's not like I do it all the time: I still eat supper. Plus, my greatest desire isn't to be thin, I just want to be healthy. And besides, I don't have such a low weight. That, I know for sure. Mirrors can't lie.

I keep reading.

"Many people with anorexia see themselves as overweight even though, in fact, they are underweight. If asked, they will often deny that they have a problem with weight."

That doesn't make sense at all. You can't physically see yourself differently than you are. It's simple, you take a look in the mirror, see what you see, and that's that. That's you. Right?

I scroll further down the page to a section called ''.

- An obsession with counting calories, measuring food, and monitoring food intake

Am I obsessed?

- Excessive exercise

30 sit-ups every night before bed isn't exactly excessive.

- Dry hair and skin

Okay, fine: Check.

- Chronic fatigue

Check.

- Intolerance to cold, frequent complaints of being cold

Check.

- Amenorrhea (loss of menstruation)

I'm thirteen, almost fourteen now, and I've still never gotten my period. So, non applicable, I guess?

- A low body mass for one's age and height.

Not check. I'm not underweight. I just know it. And that's what this whole thing is 'characterized' by, right? So there's no way I have it.

"Hey, Eve." Gerard is suddenly opening my door, poking his head into my room. I guess I didn't hear him knock.

"Hi," I say quickly, slamming my laptop shut and earning myself a weird look.

"Um, it's almost dinner time. Just letting you know." And, just like that, he's left and shut my door again.

I'm very aware of how hungry I am after not having anything to eat since last night, but despite that, I'm dreading the upcoming meal.

But I don't have it.

• • •

is it supper or dinner?? because I say breakfast, lunch, and supper but other people I know say dinner