After dinner last night, I went to bed early, feeling more tired than usual. I was also hoping beyond hope that school would miraculously be cancelled. Maybe the school would flood from all the rain? Unlikely.

But now, I regret wishing for a reason to miss school, because a reason was granted to me, alright.

It's about 4:30AM and I can't sleep for shit. I've been endlessly tossing and turning in bed, my stomach churning.

There is a stomach bug going around my school but I never thought I'd catch it since everyone stays away from me, and that of course is including Emerald. I saw her hanging around with some other people yesterday. What I'd call, 'preppy girls.'

Oh, god. I hate throwing up, but I can't stop myself from jumping out of bed and dashing to my bathroom before doing just that. My dinner from last night comes up, burning my throat in the process, but that's all. That's all I ate.

That's all I can ever usually manage without that voice it my head having something to say. Even then, it usually doesn't shut up completely.

I flush the toilet, wash my hands and rinse my mouth with water from the sink, then slide down with my back against the wall onto the cold bathroom floor. I'm too exhausted right now to go back to my bed, not to mention terrified that I'll have to jump out of it again.

I close my eyes, shaking from head to toe, and take deep breaths.

Somehow, I fall asleep again thinking, "I hope I didn't wake Gerard."

It seems I didn't, because the next thing I know he's entering my room to wake me up for school, which rarely happens. I usually get up myself before he could even think to get up.

One day when he was driving me to school, he even told me, "You know, Eve, I really appreciate you getting up and making yourself breakfast every morning." His words were so heartfelt, especially when he added, "You're so responsible."

Guilt instantly hit me like a ton of bricks, but I simply nodded and thanked him with a small and insincere smile. He bought it.

"Eve? It's 7:30, you gotta get up for school!" He says, letting himself into my bedroom. I hear him stop in his tracks when he realizes I'm not in bed. "Evelyn?"

I stay silent, afraid of opening my mouth because I'm still feeling absurdly nauseous. I don't even open my eyes when Gee steps into my bathroom.

"Evie?" He asks tentatively. He can't tell if I'm asleep or not, so I just hum in response. He crouches next to me, "Are you okay? Are you sick?"

I nod very slightly, my eyes still squeezed shut.

He brushes some hair off my sweat-soaked forehead and checks my temperature with the back of his hand. I might have a fever, but I somehow feel cold. I still can't stop shaking.

"Alright, Eve, you're not going to school today."

Yeah, no shit.

"Let me help you get back to bed." He reaches for my arm to help me up, but as soon as he does I shake my head wildly feeling that any second now I might—

Yep.

But, this time I have someone holding my hair back for me. I hate it. I feel so weak and out of control and even embarrassed. Embarrassed that Gerard is seeing me in this state and that I can't just be his "responsible" kid and take care of myself.

"I- I don't want you here," I choke out, leaning against the wall again. A few stray tears slide down my face. "You don't need to be here."

"Eve, it's okay. I'm not leaving you alone," he says, wiping my tears with his thumbs. So, this is how good parents act in a situation like this?

When I got sick when I was little my mom simply threw me a bottle of ginger ale and wished me luck.

I sigh, "I think I just wanna go back to bed now." Gee nods and makes as though he's going to carry me there, but I won't let him. I want at least a little bit of independence. "No, I can stand."

When I do, I sway a little bit as my vision goes black for a couple seconds, but I manage to stay upright. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and am startled by the girl that I see; my skin is sallow and the circles under my eyes are a deep purple: I look as though I haven't slept in days. Then I go back to bed, Gee monitoring me every step of the way.

"I'll go get you some water," he says once I'm settled under my blankets.

"Okay."

God, have I mentioned I hate this?

Why, Evelyn? You just got rid of everything you ate last night. You should be proud. You're sick. You know what that means, don't you?

...I can't really eat and Gerard won't expect me to. Also, I wonder how much weight I lost just this morning. It's a terrible thought, I know, but I can't help but think that maybe being sick has its advantages after all.

I've never had a stronger urge to do anything more than I want to weigh myself right now.

There's gotta be a scale in this house somewhere. I just have to find it.

• • •

Gee told me to shout if I needed him, and shout I did. Why? Because I got myself tangled in my blankets like the dumbass I am so, while attempting to get out of bed, I fell on the floor.

That would've been funny if I hadn't been trying to get to the bathroom.

I literally have never seen someone move so fast. One second he was in his office, then at the sound of my voice he was in my room helping me untangle myself.

Anyway, now that I haven't puked for a couple hours, I decide it's time to put my plan into action.

Well, I don't really have a plan. I'm just going to go to the downstairs bathroom and rummage around for a scale. Without getting caught doing so, of course.

I get out of bed and tiptoe out of my room. I'm halfway down the stairs when I realize that the hardest part of this is going to be getting past the living room without being seen.

"Eve? What are you doing out of bed?" Gerard asks, spotting me on the stairs.

Oh. My mission has failed before it has barely even begun.

"I'm just getting some water," I lie smoothly.

"Alright, Kiddo. You feeling any better?"

"Yeah, kinda."

I pass through the living room, then the kitchen, then go to the bathroom. Closing the door softly, I then open the closet that stores things like medicine, toilet paper, and towels.

I dig around a bit, being careful so I don't make any noise, til I find what I'm looking for, tucked away in the back: a digital scale. I didn't think it was going to be this easy. I wasn't sure I was even going to end up finding one.

I take it, turn it on, and place it on the floor gently. I wait for the little screen to be on zero, then step on.

I'm 5'2", so what could it possibly be, 100lbs?

I look down at the scale, bracing myself.

The number is startlingly lower than that. Quite a lot lower.

But, low enough? I don't think so, Evelyn. Look at yourself. Take a good hard look. Does that look "healthy" enough to you? Thin enough?

No.

I jump when I hear knocking on the bathroom door, "Evelyn, you okay?"

"Um, y-yeah," I stammer. I quickly turn off the scale and put it back where I found it.

"You sure?" Gerard asks me. What does he have to be so worried about, anyway?

"Yes, Gerard," I say as I open the door and leave the bathroom. "I'm fine."

"Okay, okay," he says with his hands up. Then, says, "I called the guys and told 'em not to come. You're in no state for a movie night tonight."

"I know. Fine by me," I say.

Gerard doesn't question my attitude and leaves me to go back up to my room.

I just want to be alone.

• • •

that was kinda crap lol sorry