This is so awkward.

I'm sitting here turning red while he's practically sleeping.

I feel so insecure about myself. I don't even want him looking at me.

Well... any man to be exact.

I won't ever feel the same about myself.

They ruined my life and I'm scared of any guy.

Yes I'm scared of Jaxon.

I'm scared he would turn into one of them.

I slowly start to move my legs up but his hands shot out and grip my ankles down. I suck in a breath and held it while he still has his eyes closed.

My eyes start to tear up because the memories are flooding my mind of how he use to grab me.

I tried so hard to keep the tears but they slowly start to fall. I slowly let go of the breath but it comes out as a pant. Jaxon opens his eyes slowly and sees me hugging my self while I'm slowly crying.

His eyes got wide and he quickly got up and and I brought knees to my chest. I tucked my head in my legs and slowly cried.

"Jordan? Why are you crying?" He asked in a soft voice.

I shook my head 'no' and I cried even more. The memories aren't going away. I see his face.

I see Louise's face.

I see all those men.

I feel their touch.

It feels like fire burning on my skin where they used to touch.

My hands start to pat down my skin but the feeling starts to intensify.

"Stop." I said while sobbing louder.

I hear his voice.

"You're going to love it. Trust me."

"Stop." I said a little louder.

"I have something in mind while we wait."

"Stop!"

"Another round won't hurt right? Who am I kidding? Oh course it would hurt! I love slamming into you."

"STOP!" I screamed while my hands went to my head and pulled my hair tight.

"Jordan!" Jaxon said while touching my leg, but I screamed.

"Make it stop!" I said fisting more of my hair.

"We won't stop till he gives me what I want."

"MAKE IT STOP!"

"Jordan!"

"STOP!" My eyes were shut tight I was breathing hard my skin felt on fire but my head was killing me.

"JORDAN!" I felt his strong arm wrap around me and I screamed. I thrashed around but his arms tighten. His touch felt like his, and I couldn't change it.

I want to.

I really do.

I don't want to think of Jaxon like that, but my mind is playing tricks on me.

My heart was beating fast and I didn't notice I stopped moving till he lifted me up and out of the tub. My eyes were closed tight and I was tense.

Memories kept flashing through my mind of how he carried me to the bed.

My breathing started to rise again and turn to pants and I started to freak out.

I felt the covers on my butt and I screamed.

I don't want to feel this again.

He hugged me.

And I went limp in his arms.

"Look at me Jordan." He whispered

I was shaking but his big muscles started to warm me up.

I felt him bend down but I was screaming and I placed my face in my hands.

"JORDAN!"

I jumped and stopped screaming, but didn't stop crying.

"Please. Please look at me." I slowly unclasped my hands from my face and slowly pealed my eyes open.

His face was full with fear and his eyes wide in alarm. His hands were on my shoulders and I stared at him with one emotion.

Disgusted.

I couldn't help but see him in my eyes.

My eyes grew huge and I started to whimper and start to back away from him.

His hands tighten and pulled me into his chest.

"Jordan. It's me. I'm not going to hurt you." He whispered while he hugged my tight.

My eyes were blurry and I sobbed on his shoulder. He rubbed my back and he tighten his hold on me.

"I'm not going to hurt you Jordan. I promise."

"Make I-It stop p-please." I sobbed.

"I promise he won't hurt you again Jordan. I promise to take care of you. I promise that what ever I do is to protect you. If I ever died I would die protecting you." He whispered.

I leaned more his body and and sobbed quietly.

***

We laid on the bed with legs tangled and are naked bodies molded together.

I pretended I was asleep but I couldn't sleep with the out flashes coming back.

He combed his fingers through my hair and did tiny patterns on my bare back.

He snuggled me closer to him and I heard him take in a large breath. I felt his muscles relax and I his breathing was in a pattern in even speed.

I stared out infront of me and it was just his dresser with his few family photos.

My mind went off to how my life ended like this, and how everything is so mess up.

*****