"You need to get yourself together." I said while I barged through the doors, tossing my keys on the counter.

He hissed while he covered his ears on the ground. He squinted his eyes and looked up towards me. I scrunched up my nose,"what the fûck is that smell!?"

I guess he saw it was me since he didn't care, he laid his head slowly back down while closing his eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about." He whispered. I rolled my eyes and looked around him.

Beer cans.

Beer cans surrounded him. They were scattered all around the living room. More 24 boxes were here. I don't know how he got them. I didn't bring him any.

I walked over to the back door and yanked the curtains off the hooks, letting the sun shine in. I heard him hiss and curse under his breath. I walked over to the window, pushing it up letting the air come in and air this fûckin smelly aśś house out.

I didn't stay when we left the gas station. I just said see you later and walked towards my car and went home. I haven't even talked to him for two days. Well...he didn't talk to me. I called but it would go straight to voice mail.

So, I knew it was about Jordan, because he was the exact same with Nia. But this is so much worse. So much.

Right when I turned around I saw him curl up and throw up right next to his side. I close my eyes and tried to not throw up with him.

"Jaxon. When was the last time you ate." I said slowly while I slowly open my eyes when I heard him stop. I walked over to him.

"Sh-shut up Lan-Landon." He hissed between his teeth. He slowly sat up and wiped his mouth with his arm.

"Who bought you the beer." I said while I squatted next to him.

He slowly turned his head towards me and squinted his eyes, "why."

I stopped my self from rolling my eyes at him. "Fine don't tell me, but that's the last time you're going to drink."

"Why."

I clenched my jaw and my fist tighten. I really want to slap him. "You don't need it."

"Why-" I couldn't hold it back.

It went hard against his cheek. He fell to the ground because of how weak he was. "You're going to clean yourself up Jaxon. I don't care if it takes weeks. You're going to do it, if you like it or not." I stood up and walked towards the smell.

"Where the fûck is coming from." I mumbled. I walked around the couch, ignoring his groans and walked back to the back door. I took a sniff and almost threw up. I covered my mouth and looked around.

"Tann-Tanner got me the beer." I heard him groan out from the floor.

I walked over to him and pushed him back down when he was almost up. "Don't fûckin lie, he's on the ground rotating with Anthony."

I stood back up and sighed.

I always hated cleaning up after the job.

****

I feel like shît.

I smell like shît.

My mouth taste like shît.

Landon was to busy calling some of his friends to help him clean up the mess.

I on the other hand, had to clean up all the throw up I made. And clean again because I threw up again.

I have the biggest hang over ever, but I always find my self holding another can and drinking more. I'll end up getting slapped or punch by Landon if he catches me but I just wonder up stairs, swaying. I'm surprised I didn't fall backwards and die.

"Ugh." I threw the empty can next to my bed and swayed towards the closet to grab some clothes to take a shower.

I made my way in the bathroom and held the counter for support and closed the door. My head hung low. I looked up and see my eyes blood shot red and my face a little pale. I slammed the drore open, looking for any pain killers. I took three and swallowed them with some tap water.

"Disgusting." I mumbled and walked over to the shower. I turned it on cold, because I need to do something.

I stripped out of my clothes and walked in. I clenched my jaw when the water hit my skin. But I stood there still. I was sorta used to it and while I looked down at my hand.

The only way to get her out my mind.

I closed my eyes and slowly my hand found my dîck and imagined her face. Her smiled. Her eyes. Her body. Her long hair.

My hand started to go faster while I hissed. I imagined her voice,the way she used to say my name. How she got angry, her face would turn red. How she was scared she hid behind me. But I would never forget her voice.

My dîck throbbed waiting to release. I bit my lip while going faster. Her voice filled my mind. I loved her voice. I could listen to it all day.

But I would never forget what she said.

I love you.

I found my release just thinking about what she said.

My blood was rushing everywhere in my body. I rested my head on the tile wall. I sighed while I washed off my hand.

But.

What I said back.

When I heard her break right there.

All because of me.

*****

It was late at night. Me and Landon cleaned the house. Got rid of Tanners and Anthony's smell. He left already. He said he's going to "visit" someone.

I didn't care.

I honestly didn't.

I was waking around the house just in boxers. I would bump into walls and chairs trying to get to the fridge. I didn't want to turn on the lights. I wanted everything dark still. I felt the fridge and open the door. I used that as a light, I walked towards a drore and placed all the knifes in. I hid all the knifes in a box under my bed. I had one out when Jordan was here. But I guess it didn't even work.

I threw away the box in the garbage and walked back to the fridge. I went to grab a beer but that fûcker took all of them. I sighed and slowly closed the door shut. I walked towards my room. I turned on the light, even though I didn't want to. I closed my eyes when it stung and slowly open them. I went to my closet and went to find some sweats and a muscle shirt.

I open the drores from my dresser but quickly slammed it shut when I open the one filled with her clothes. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed.

No matter how hard I try, I just seem to not have her in my mind.

Once I was dressed I slipped on some shoes and walked down stairs and grabbed my keys. I took one of bosses car, since he's gone.... Anyway, I locked my doors and walked towards the garage and pulled open the door. I walked over to the car and climbed in. It was the 2015 Saleen mustang, in black.

It purred alive while I sat there just letting it warm up. I rolled down my window and put it in gear.

*****

I drove around and it was already three in the morning so hardly any cars were out. I pulled up to the curve and turned off the car. I got out, locking the doors with me and stuffed my hands in my pockets. I walked over to the gate and walked down the sidewalk.

It was a Saturday and I'm pretty sure no one is asleep, some might be at a party.

I walked down till I was in some court yard. I don't know where the fûck I'm going honestly. I looked around and see some girls swaying with some heels in their hands laughing. Some guys are following them but they are swaying the same way. I rolled my eyes and walked further down till I found some rooms. I walked in the back of them and slowly walked over to the windows, peaking through.

It took awhile, the ones I would peak through would be some couples having sèx. I was going to give up, but that's when I heard her talk. "Are you sure you got the apartment!"

"Yes!! They called today but I didn't want spoil it!" He yelled. I creeped closer to window and see her running to him and hugging him and laughing. She then held her stomach but she pushed him back laughing. "So you decide to tell me at three in the morning, how could you." She sounded hurt and I turned angry ready to jump in and punch him, but I held back and stared at her.

"Well, I was going tell you tomorrow when we got the key, but I couldn't hold it in any longer." He laughed. She hugged him again, and I slowly took a step back.

She's really doing it.

She's really moving on with her life.

With out me.

I need to change that.

I can't stand it any more.

******