Congratulations every single reader here! You don't have to hear the 'no job' complaint from your parents cause I hired you even though you are most likely under 13 (shush you can get a job at any age)

For legal reason and common sense we are just gonna do paper work like 'the office' and Brandon Rogers office

Plus I do fanfics for a living and I've always wanted to do a actual book on paper

———-

Readers: Author-Sama I want a raise!

Me: who's your favourite author?

Reader: (insert your favourite author that is not me)

Me:.... *hits you with a present* no child

—————-

Me: *busts through the door* EVERYONE! MY STEP MOTHER THAT OWNS HER OWN COMPANY IS HERE!!!! ACT LIKE YOU JUST BUSTED A NUT!!!

—————

You: you know I do love working it's just we all have a lot of laughs

That one reader that you comment to a lot (I know your conversations): FUCK OFF (Y/N) I'M NOT GOING TO YOUR FUCKING BABY SHOWER

—————

You: (that one reader I muted) is one of our muted and..... she's (yes she said she goes by she and her) a piece of cock

My other readers: (talking to her) I wanna hit in the face as hard as I can, I don't wanna do that

Her: I came 3 times under my desk! Only once was with my hand

————-

Me: this is my assistant (shush you are my assistant now) reader that constantly comments on my books as soon as I post a chapter and I love it

Me: comment this shit!

Me: and she/he/they request stuff when I.... don't know what to do ha

—————

Me: I didn't become #1 in most of the tags by being a good author

————

Me: last week I told me assistant, (y/n) arrange for me to ruin people's lives with fanfics

Me: I got these assholes

——————

Me: (name another reader that you know reads my book) you are in 20 ft of your favourite character to read where is your shirt?

Them: please don't make me wear it!

Me: who knows their favourite fanfiction

Every reader here: *hands up*

Then: the font is disgusting

——————

Me on the phone to that one reader that hates me for not doing only female pronouns (yes this is a person and they know who they are): hello, how are you doing today?

Uh huh

*pulls up my list of muted readers*

You want to be unmuted?

*shows her*

Oh but reader I came into work and I'm still not changing the pronouns

For a 8 year old your sounding like you get your period?

——————

I would be a great boss for my readers. I'll pay you £69 a hour.