Chapter 74

Harry's POV

~~a few hours later~~

I must have drifted off to sleep because I woke up around 2:30 in the afternoon. My head hurt and my eyes were red and puffy. Had I been crying...oh yeah..Louis...

Just thinking about him made me want to cry all over again...he hates me I'm sure of it, all because I did something nice for some one else...Louis isn't usually like that. I wonder why....

You know what, I'll just go talk to him, then he'll be fine...I hope.

I drug myself out of bed and rubbed my forehead, glancing at the clock on my nightstand.

~~~~

I stood in front of Louis's door again, I'm a little nervous because I don't know what to expect...will he yell at me again? Or just forget about the whole thing and we can be friends again. I'm really hoping for the second one.

I took a deep breath and knocked softly on his door.

"Lou...it's Harry, can we talk?"

I heard some rustling around and he walked over and stood next to the door.

"I know it's you. Do you think I'm stupid? "

"n-no...w-why are you talking like that? Why would I think you're stupid? I love you..."

"Ha! Yeah, sure you do"

"Lou! Stop, you know I love you, why are you saying that?"

He opened his door and glared at me

"So when you were kissing Edward last night that didn't mean anything or did it? Yep. You really love me"

"What?! No I wasn't!"

"We'll it sure as hell looked like it"

"w-what do you mean..?"

He rolled his eyes and leaned against the door frame, crossing his arms "how much did you have to drink anyway?"

"I..I don't know what you mean.."

"Don't play that game with me! You know exactly what I'm talking about!"

"Lou...I don't I'm serious..."

"Yeah, you're probably right. You were so drunk you could barely speak"

"Lou.."

"NO. I'M DONE! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU SCREWING THINGS UP, YOU EXPECT ME TO DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU, I'M SUPPOSE TO BE THERE FOR YOU BUT THEN YOU GO AND KISS OTHER GUYS AND-"

"I don't remember...really"

"Sure...whatever"

"You know I'd never hurt you Lou...I'd die before I'd let anything happen to you"

"Then maybe you should've died"

I stared at him in shock. I could literally feel my heart break, my eyes filled with tears, I felt like I'd just been punched in the stomach I couldn't breath.

"y-you d-don't m-mean that..."

"Oh but what if I do!?"

"Why do you always say such terrible things to me? WHY!?"

I turned and ran into my bedroom, I slammed the door and locked it. I sat on the floor and buried my face in my hands and cried bitterly. Why am I even alive? No one loves me! How could they?! I deserve to be dead I really do...I should've died, maybe then Louis would be happy...

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and took a deep breath. I stood up and went into my bathroom, I dug around in one of the drawers and pulled out my blade. I stepped back into my room and sat on the floor in front of the bed. I took off my shirt and ran my fingers over the cuts and scars on my arm. And I thought I could quit...

I thought once I had Louis everything would be fine....I thought I would be 'ok' again...

Oh how I was wrong...

I swallowed hard and brought the blade to my wrist, I pressed down and my skin split, I've gotten used to the sting, it doesn't hurt anymore. It does, but then doesn't...I get so busy focussing on the cut I don't even feel anything...

~~~

I'd finally covered my whole arm in fresh cuts, I didn't even bother wiping off the blood.

maybe I'll bleed to death...but do I care? You know Louis was right...I should've died, he doesn't need me...I need him, but he doesn't even love me...I don't know what I did last night...ok so I lost track of many glasses of wine I had but people make mistakes...I didn't know I was kissing Edward...ugh...ew...

I probably scared him...or disgusted him...I feel so gross...

Why do I always mess things up? I'm a failure...

And here I thought Louis could love me....