Chapter 76 (The End)

Harry's POV

~~a few months later~~

We're on tour again, we've had a break for a while so it's time to get back to work. I'd have to say I do enjoy touring much more now then I did before. I have someone by my side that I'll always be able to count on. I have Louis. And I never thought this would happen, not to me anyways, he loves me. And that's something I'll never get over, but maybe that's ok, maybe I just needed someone to remind me that I have a purpose in life, I'm not worthless and to remind me (even when I don't feel like it) that I'm beautiful. I can't put into words how thankful I am for Louis. He's supported me more than anyone else, I've gone to counseling a few times, and he goes with me every time.

I've struggled, still do at times, with cutting....but I'm trying my hardest to quit, and with Louis's help I know I can. He's amazing.

We're in the tour bus, we have another concert it's been like the fourth one this week and it's very tiring. But we love our fans and we'll do whatever we can to please them.

It seems as though it's been hours, we've been driving for who knows how long, and guess who I got stuck sitting next to?

He's blond, has an Irish accent, highly annoying at times and extremely loud. I take it you've heard of him.

"Harrrrrrry?"

"What?! For the last time, what in the hell do you want?!"

"I have something to tell you"

"What?!"

"hi"

I lost control and started smacking him and screaming.

"Niall stop it!"

He smirked at me and grinned

"stop what?"

"You know what."

He punched me in the arm and we began wrestling with each other, one minute I'd knocked him out of his seat and was on top of him, then he had me in a head lock in a matter of seconds.

Liam walked in and pulled us apart, scolding Niall and yelling at me for "starting fights" he's joking right? I was minding my own business and Niall thought it would be funny to lick his finger and stick it in my ear. And that's how it all started. After that he'd been tickling me, licking me, and burping in my face. I'd had enough, I lost it.

"That's enough, do you hear me? I can't have a minute of peace and quiet without you getting in a fight! Control yourselves"

Liam shook his head and stormed out of the room. I glared at Niall and angrily flopped in my seat, staring out the window at the passing cars and trucks on the road.

~~seconds later~~

"ow! NIALL!"

"You had that one coming man"

"LIAM!"

Liam stomped back into the room and folded his arms, glaring at us.

"What!?"

"Niall pinched me!"

"Heehee"

"Niall, I said enough!"

Niall giggled and laid his head on my shoulder "see? We're best buddies"

Liam rolled his eyes and walked over to us, he practically yanked me out of my seat and flopped next to Niall, he shot me a murderous look before tossing me my bag. He told me to "bother someone else" and put his headphones in his ears.

Niall smiled and waved as I walked away, I glared at him shaking my head.

I wandered around and finally found Louis, sitting on our bed. He was on his phone and didn't notice me enter the room. I came up behind him and hugged him tightly.

"WHAT THE-? Harold! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"sorry"

Louis rolled his eyes and patted the spot next to him "sit with me?"

I nodded eagerly and laid down on the bed with my head in his lap. He smiled down at me and poked my nose

"Sooo what's up?"

"Nothing really...Liam made me leave my seat because Niall and I were fighting"

Louis laughed and I rolled my eyes

"It's not funny, he punched me, like, four times"

"Three!"

Niall yelled, from the other room. I heard a smack and he started pouting. Saying something about Liam hitting him and messing up his beautiful face.

Louis and I exchanged glances before snickering to each other.

Louis ran his fingers through my hair and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead.

"What's that for?" I giggled, staring into his eyes.

"Just because I love you"

"You're too sweet, I don't deserve you"

"I don't deserve you either, Harry. You're perfect"

"Nooo"

"Yes, you are, and I'll be here everyday reminding you. You are perfect to me"

Louis's the sweetest person ever...I don't deserve him. But I love him more than anything in this world, I'm never letting him go. Ever.

"Lou...?"

"Yes hazz?"

"What if...what would you do if I had died?"

Louis suddenly changed his tone and stroked my cheek gently.

"shh...Harry no, don't talk like that..."

"No, Lou...what if? I wouldn't be here...I wouldn't be able to see you anymore..."

"w-well...I...I would've probably ended up doing the same thing...I wouldn't be able to go on if you were gone Harry..I love you so much...I still don't understand why, why you feel you are worthless...we love you, I love you..."

I stared at him a minute or two without speaking. I sat up and hugged him, tears in my eyes.

"Don't go Harry..."

Louis whispered in my ear, kissing my cheek.

"stay with me, don't you ever leave..."

"And what if I do?"

"Then I'll let you know, I'll go too. If you go, so do I"

"No...how could you...you don't need me to-"

Louis brushed the hair from my face and brought his lips to mine.

He mumbled "don't go" and kissed me. He slowly pulled away and bit his lip.

"If you go. I go"

"Then...I won't go...because I don't want you to die"

~~later that day~~

••before the concert••

"Tag! You're it!"

Niall smacked my shoulder and took off running down the hall way. We were suppose to be getting ready but ended up goofing off, as usual.

I chased after Niall, I ran up to him and just barely tagged him when suddenly, a pair of strong arms grabbed me from behind.

"Harry, I'd expect better from you, no wait, what am I saying? Look, just get ready. Lou's been waiting for you and Niall for ages"

Liam released me and I stuck my tongue out.

"Where's Niall, again?"

Liam huffed, shaking his head in frustration.

I pointed down the hall and shrugged

"Uh, somewhere down there I guess."

Liam sighed aloud and jogged down the hall.

"He's probably hiding!"

I yelled, smirking.

Liam will be lucky if he even finds Niall hours from now. Niall's very good at hide-and-seek actually.

I ran back into the dressing room and glanced around looking for Lou.

She motioned for me to come over, she was standing next to a chair, holding a brush and hair spray. She put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow.

"And where have you been, Harold?"

I giggled and sat down, grinning widely. She rolled her eyes while grabbing a brush and smirked.

~~a few minutes later~~

"ok, Harry, you're done. Where's

Niall again?"

Ignoring her, I stared in the mirror and furrowed my eyebrows, I shook my head and ran my fingers through my messy hair.

"Harry! Why, why, why must you always destroy your hair?! Right after I take all the time to fix it up"

I snickered and quickly got to my feet, I hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. Lou giggled and pointed towards the rack with our stage clothes on it.

"All right, I forgive you. Now go get changed"

I nodded as my smile grew. I snatched up my phone and walked over to find an outfit. As I expected, most of the shirts were short sleeves...

So I might not be cutting as much, but, it doesn't mean I've stopped or that I'm comfortable with the scars or people seeing them... I know I can't cover them up forever, and someday I'll have to stop hiding...and when that day comes I guess I'll just have to be brave and show who I really am...even if I'm not 100% ok with it...

I also don't want our fans who've cut to think they have to hide their scars either.They shouldn't have to be ashamed of themselves because once you've self harmed yes there will be scars but you have to get over it. If people judge you then ignore them, their opinion doesn't matter.

If your friends and family still love you ((which they probably will anyway, it shouldn't change anything)) that's all that really matters. I think you also learn to become more accepting of yourself as well. You become a stronger person then you were before, you might have gone through hard times but you're still here, that means you didn't give up.

And as Louis always tells me 'don't give up, no matter how bad things may be' and you know what, he's right. Cutting yourself isn't the answer...neither is suicide. It's a permeant solution to a temporary problem. Once you're gone you can't come back, there is no second chance, you can't just decide you don't want to die. It's over. And I learned my lesson...till this day I'm still terrified of trying to commit suicide again... I still remember it, taking the pills and thinking it would just over with. I also think it's just the fear of dying...I didn't want to die...I just wanted to be saved.

Lou must have noticed me standing there, over thinking as I often do, a whole lot longer than I should've. She came over and wrapped her arm around my waist

"You ok?"

"huh? um...y-yeah...just lost in thought I guess"

"Harry. You do know that if anything is going on you can tell me, right?"

"y-yeah..."

"You seem very troubled...

Is there anything you'd like to share?"

"What...n-no...why are you asking?"

"The boys...they..told me everything...."

Lou rested her head on my shoulder and hugged me tight.

"n-no...they didn't...h-how could t-they?!"

I mumbled, my bottom lip quivering. My eyes began to water and I broke down crying, right in front of her! Why am I so emotional? Is there something wrong with me?

"Oh Harry, don't cry, love. C'mere"

Lou took my hand and led me into the other room, some sort of office thingy or something. She quietly shut the door and stood next to me as I flopped on the couch.

I covered my face and sighed deeply, more tears spilling out and I couldn't seem to control them anymore.

"Harry, sweetie, please. It's ok"

"n-no it's n-not. Everyone freaking hates me Lou! Everyone!"

"I don't hate you. Your mum doesn't hate you, the boys and Louis certainly don't hate you. And what about the fans? They love you to death and haven't even met you. I wouldn't call that 'everyone' "

"b-but-"

I started sobbing again, I really couldn't help it...I guess I had just stopped thinking about everything over the past few months...

all the haters and the cutting and suicide...I'd managed to block it all out for a period of time but now it's all coming back. I remember it all like it was yesterday, and I don't want to! I don't want to remember any of it! I don't want to remember those names I was called or how I got beat up for absolutely nothing, I don't want to remember those endless painful nights of lying there crying my eyes out...alone...

"Harry, please just calm down."

"I-I-I'm t-trying"

"just breath, it's ok, you are safe, we love you."

I took a few deep breaths and blinked back a few more tears, I reached for the tissue box on the desk and Lou quickly handed it to me.

I blew my nose and wiped away a few stray tears. Lou looked at me, confusion in her eyes.

"if it's ok to ask, why are you crying, Harry? You seemed perfectly fine a minute ago"

"I...I guess because... I block it all out...I-I don't like to think about it...but then the concert and Louis and just everything, it all c-came rushing back...I-I c-can't do t-this...I'm s-sorry..."

Lou sighed and hugged me again, stroking my hair like my mum does.

"I don't know why people hurt us sometimes. Bad things happen to good people and I'll never understand why...but keep your head up and keep fighting, you'll make it."

"t-thank you..."

"Anytime, love"

"h-how....how did you find out? About me..."

"Louis told me...and Liam. I'd seen a few things in the news and online but assumed they were just rumors. You hadn't confirmed anything yet so I didn't believe it. But, then they told me a few weeks ago...Harry I feel awful because months ago I asked you if you were alright and you said yes, you said you were fine."

"I'm s-sorry.."

"Please promise me, for real this time, that if you're not ok tell me. Or someone, tell Louis. We love you, we're here for you, alright?"

I nodded and wiped my eyes, I got up to leave but then Lou asked to see my arms. I knew it, I just knew she'd ask... I hate when people ask that. Like, why the hell do they want to see what I've done to myself? I don't get it...

I bit my lip and turned around, I walked over to her. I held out my arms and she rolled up my sleeves. She made a face and sucked in her breath.

"I'm so sorry, Harry. Is it that bad?"

"It used to be worse, believe it or not. But Louis's helped me more than I could ever imagine."

Lou nodded her head and wiped her eyes with the back of hand, she quietly laughed and hugged me again.

"I'm sorry, now you've got me crying"

"Don't cry...not over me anyways"

"Harry...I don't see how you can say that..."

I simply shrugged and bit my lip

"I-I better get going....we um...yeah the concert"

Lou nodded and opened the door as we stepped out of the room. I thanked her for talking with me and went into the bathroom to change.

When I finished, I stepped outside and sat down, slipping on my shoes.

I noticed Louis talking with Lou and then he came over to me.

He stood in front of me and put his hands on his hips.

"Why'd you take so long? Getting ready I mean"

"No reason..."

"That's not what Lou told me"

"Wait..she what?"

"Well, not exactly...she just said you guys had a little chat and if I wanted to know what about, I'd have to ask you"

"ok then"

"Well?"

"Don't wanna say"

"C'mon, hazz. Don't be that way, I'm your boyfriend remember?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes at Louis, I got to my feet and grabbed his hand, pulling him along with me as I briskly walked out of the room.

"I'll tell you later....s'not important"

Louis nodded, although he looked annoyed. He gets jealous sometimes when I talk to other people about my problems. He wants me to come to him, which upsets me because I'm not a child, I can talk to whomever I please.

~~After the concert~~

"Thank you for coming everyone! You were a wonderful audience!" Liam shouted over the screams of the fans. We all waved and blew kisses before exiting the stage.

We went back into our dressing room and got changed.

Niall began complaining he was hungry so we decided that the five of us would go to me and Louis's flat and order pizza. Although Liam objected and said it was "unhealthy" to eat pizza all the time but Louis told him to shut up.

~~at Harry and Louis's flat~~

"The pizza is here!" Louis yelled, scrambling to his feet and answering the door. He paid the pizza delivery guy and came back inside. Niall lunged at him, in attempt to snatch the box out of his hands.

"Gimme!"

"Hold on, Niall!"

"I'm soooo hungry"

"Bro you just ate leftover pie, how can you still be hu-"

"Shut up Zayn"

Louis took a slice of pizza, handed it to me, then grabbed one for himself before it got devoured by Niall and the boys.

We flopped on the couch and Louis switched the tv on.

Hours later everyone had fallen asleep.

Except for Louis. He quietly hummed to himself and tapped his fingers on the arm of the sofa, swinging his feet back and fourth and flipping through numerous channels. He yawned and stretched a bit, glancing down at me and poking my side. My eyes were half open but were slowly closing due to tiredness.

"Harry"

....

"Harry. Hazz! Hazza harreh. I know you can hear me"

Louis gently shook me and I moaned, batting his hands away.

"What?! Can't you see I'm sleeping here?"

"sorry hazza"

"It's fine...I'm up now"

I stared up at Louis and ruffled his hair. ((My head was in his lap as I laid on the couch I don't know why, I just love doing that))

"What'd you want, Lou?"

Louis shifted uncomfortably and bit his lip.

"w-well...you said you'd tell me what you were talking about with Lou...."

I sighed and closed my eyes.

"oooh...so that's why you were acting so strange earlier, during the concert...I just thought you were mad or something.."

"n-no....it's just...I like it when you talk to ME....I like to be the one to help and support you...I know it's selfish, you can talk to anyone you want but...I want to be the one who's always there for you, and I feel like when you tell other people about your problems you don't need me...that is what you were talking about, right?"

I looked at him, stunned. I still can't seem to accept the fact he cares about me, actually cares. I know that I do know he loves me, it's just when we get in little arguments or fights Louis sometimes just gives up and walks away...what if one day he walks out on me? What if I'm not good enough anymore? And I'm scared, so scared there will come a time he gets tired of putting up with me and....leaves

"Harry" Louis snapped his fingers in my face and stared into my eyes.

"yes?"

"Look, you do know I love you..?"

"Of course..."

"Then why do you always seem so...unsure of it?"

"Because...you're you and I'm me...you're amazing and I'm...yeah"

"You're what? Perfect, beautiful, adorable."

I blushed and shook my head

"nooo, you know what I mean..."

Louis put his finger under my chin and tilted my head up

"No, Harry. I don't know what you mean. You're perfect to me"

"L-Lou.."

"I mean it Harry, I do. I love you, I always have and always will. Sure we have our ups and downs, our differences, but that's what makes us special. And I want you to know, Harry, I love you. I will forever, until the day I die. I love you. And I'll always be here for you, I'm never leaving again, never. I couldn't do that to you. I'll never ever leave you"

Louis brought his soft lips to mine and ran his fingers in my hair,

"I'm never leaving you" Louis breathed in between kisses, he pulled me into his lap and rubbed my arm while pecking another short but sweet kiss to my lips.

"I love you, Harry. I'll never leave, you can't do anything to change my mind. No matter how many fights we have, or if we're apart for a little while, you'll always be in my heart. I love you"

"I love you, too"

And this time, I know he meant it.

The end.

Was this a bad ending? Tell me what you think please :)